Finally!
by mtb289
Summary: Revised: Kate made the first move, now they're together, but Kate's been sick, Castle's by her side,  past lives are shared, Both secrets are out-So, now what happens-Enjoy, this part of their story is NOW COMPLETE, Maybe they will return in a sequel
1. Chapter 1

Kate sat at her desk, leaning back in her chair, fingers intertwined and thumbs on her cheeks. She had finally finished the paperwork, by herself as usual. As she looked up, a small smile appeared on her face, a low chuckle escaping her lips. She was watching her team, each of them reliving how they had closed the case. Espo showing how he had physically won the battle, Ryan stating how he had decided who the bad guy was, and of course Castle, acting out the entire case, complete with wild gestures and exaggerations. She laughed as they all tried to up the ante; soon the truth mattered little, winning was more important. They were all showing off, stretching to come out on top: Gad, they were all such little boys. During this charade, Castle occasionally glanced in her direction, seeking approval, but more importantly making sure she was OK. Nodding to indicate everything was fine, the verbal debate continued.

It had been a grim case. No one had expected the timid little man who ran a rare book store on West 57th to be the killer. The things he had done to those girls had been barbaric, and she shivered and closed her eyes, trying to erase the memories. Castle had been deeply saddened to see that someone who professed such a deep love for literature could turn to murder - especially _this _kind. Maybe that was why Kate was allowing the three to work through their disgust with testosterone laced theatrics. Being a homicide detective was a difficult and sometimes painful job, and fortunately this time all of the team had escaped physically unscathed, and the emotional pain would ease with time.

She ran her hand over the entry point of the snipers' bullet between her breasts. The physical and emotional pain of her shooting had cost all of those in her inner circle dearly, perhaps Castle most of all. She knew he was afraid of losing her again; he had watched her die once, the blood flowing from her body, her skin growing cold and blue. Since her shooting, and then the hostage incident at the bank, the realisation that if one of them were to die,; the other one would crumble was a reality, though neither had been able to discuss it.

Kate remembered everything from that day. Him leaning over her, pain firing through her chest and taking her breath while her eyes burrowed into the depths of his, directly into his soul. Hearing him plead with her not to leave him, stating "Kate I love you, I love you Kate" while his tears fell on her face as her vision faded. Those memories were hers and she had only shared them with Dr Burke, not knowing when she could tell Castle, or how to tell him. Kate had always been physically and mentally tough. She was the youngest woman in the NYPD to make Detective, and whilst she didn't feel the need to broadcast it, it was a point of pride. How could she tell Castle that her armour had chinks? How could she disappoint him like that? He knew she wasn't perfect, however, he didn't know she was so flawed, so broken. The longer she waited, the harder it was becoming to tell him, especially when she wanted to just let go and fall into him. Rubbing her hands through her hair, she took a deep breath, sighing as the truth settled in. While she thought of herself as honest, for someone who searched for truth and honesty, she certainly was a coward when it came to this phenomenal man. God she couldn't think about this anymore.

Her phone lit up, signalling she had received a text message. Picking it up as she looked down, a band tightened around her chest, a sob escaped her mouth, and nausea made her stomach queasy.

The message was from Deb, the wife of her colleague, friend and long term mentor Nick. For over 30 years, until his recent retirement, he had been the Chief of Detectives. Nick had always been tough, yet fair, and she credited him with helping her grow into the Detective she was today.

She re-read the message, just to be sure. "Nick died at 4:26 am, he went peacefully." Kate felt the room closing in on her, and she had to escape. She jumped from her chair, heading to the closest interrogation room.

"Where you heading?" Castle queried, his eyes turning to slits of concern. "You Ok?"

"Yeah, I'll be right back" Kate shot back, waving her hand over her shoulder.

As Kate hit the door open, she felt her legs giving out, and she reached for the edge on the table, gasping to breathe. Nick had been looking forward to spending more time in his beloved Tuscany, now he had finally retired. He had really enjoyed meeting Castle the first time, when she had introduced him as her new partner. Had already heard all about it on the grapevine and could see for himself how important this man had become to his protégé. Nick saw how relaxed she was, smiling and laughing more easily than he could ever remember her. This was not the extremely serious, sad woman of years past. From the beginning, Castle had charmed Nick and Deb, engaging them into talking about their travels, their love of good food and wines, making them feel special as only Castle could. She smiled as she remembered how Nick had introduced her to the Italian wine Amarone, describing it as liquid sex. Smooth, sensual and warming throughout - the man did know his wines. Both she and Castle had spent many a night in his kitchen, drinking wine and savouring various Italian delicacies Deb had prepared. Castle would surprise them each time they were together by bringing a new and unfamiliar wine to share. He found great delight in pleasing her friends, knowing they were important to Kate, therefore making them important to him. Nick and Deb's relationship was seamless, even their bickering was tempered with a loving glance or lift of an eyebrow. It was amazing, Kate sighed as she remembered, longing for this type of relationship herself. Wondering when it would happen, _if_ it would happen. In her heart, she knew Castle was her one and done and Nick had told her to jump into it with him, making it sound so easy. Deb had laughed at them both, knowing that Kate could not make such a spontaneous leap of faith.

She remembered the night Nick and Deb had invited their entire team over to their house. After dinner and many bottles of beautiful wine, Nick and Deb had stood up and told them he had been diagnosed with Liver Cancer, which was inoperable and untreatable, giving him only weeks to live. Espo, Ryan, Lanie and Kate were frozen in their seats, unable to wrap their heads around what they were being told. But, Castle stood up right away, moving to Deb's side, where he drew her into his bear hug. He was comforting her, letting her know that he would do anything and everything she needed, but most importantly, she would be his friend forever. As Kate and her team watched this poignant encounter, their own eyes full of tears, she knew yet again, Castle was a special man, so much more that his public persona. That had been 6 weeks ago, and now Nick was dead. She had watched as this once virile man became a walking skeleton, always telling his friends how much he loved them all, seeing him bravely facing his future, with his wife struggling to remain calm.

Kate backed away from the table. She knew what she needed to do now as she turned and re-entered the bullpen. Castle and the boys were still laughing and shoving each other as she took a deep breath and moved toward the group.

Kate walked determinedly between Esposito and Ryan, stopping in front of Castle. She reached forward, grabbing his lapels, pulling him to a standing position in front of her. His eyes projected confusion as she leaned into him, her lips touching his slowly, softly with her tongue parting his lips, demanding entry. As the kiss lingered, she felt the explosion in her chest, the walls were gone. She was ready for this and as she finished the kiss, she heard Esposito and Ryan gasp in surprise, staring at her and then at Castle, both speechless which was certainly a first. Castle grasped her hips, pulling her closer and letting out a little groan of pure contentment. Kate looked up, smiling into his blue eyes, as she naturally told him "I love you Rick". It felt so right, she couldn't remember why she hadn't she done this before? Kate backed away, turned around, grabbed her keys and walked towards the elevator. When she neared the elevator doors, she spun around.

"You coming Castle?" she asked as she gave him a wink, and there was an all knowing smirk on her face.


	2. Chapter 2

As Kate walked to the elevator, Castle, Ryan , and Esposito were left standing at the murder board, completely unable to react. Where did that just come from? Did that actually happen?

On hearing Kate's "You coming.", Castle was in motion, still struggling to understand, but more than willing to find out what had gotten into her. As he entered the elevator, he turned slightly to glance back at his two friends, giving them, the famous Castle smile. As the elevator doors closed, he slowly turned to his partner, grinning with a sense of confidence and Castle cockiness. He tilted his head and began to lean into Kate.

"Back off, big guy", Kate snorted, pushing the palm of her hand into his chest, "and wipe that cocky grin off your face. Do _not_ make me regret what just happened in there!"

With that retort, Castle immediately dropped the attitude and backed up. Okaay, again with the mixed messages. This woman was killing him!

"No, I wouldn't want that detective, seeing as I haven't a clue as to what just happened. Let me remind you… the boys and I were reviewing the results of our latest case, when you came out of the interrogation room, walked between the boys, grabbed me, and laid a kiss on me that I've dreamt about for four years. You then said "I love you, Rick" and you walked away. So, please feel free to explain what the hell just happened because I'm confused!"

Kate, who was busily inspecting the elevator floor during his tirade, looked up to see Castle angry and hurt, and it was her fault _yet again_. Yes she owed him an explanation, but the reality suddenly set in, and she couldn't think, couldn't breathe. Placing her hands on her face, she slowly brought her hands down, reaching out to touch Castle's arm.

"Yes I owe you some answers" she started, licking her lips "I-I meant what I said in there" God, she couldn't talk, her mind was reeling and the elevator walls were closing in. The air was stifling, she felt faint and she was trying desperately to regain her composure. Take a breath, come on Kate, just breathe, she murmured silently. She was trying to grasp that her friend Nick was dead, and that she had made the ultimate confession to the man in front of her. She was a wreck.

Kate was finally able to croak out, "Not here Castle, not here." It became apparent to Castle that Kate was struggling, and he realised that something had happened. As his eyes bored into hers, he could see pain and a lack of colour, which was reflected in her features He knew that when her green eyes changed to pale grey, his partner was in trouble. He abruptly forgot about himself and his need for answers, focusing on her. They needed to get out of the precinct, and out fast before something happened to embarrass her, she would hate that. As the elevator doors opened, he took her elbow, guiding her into the fresh air.

"Stay with me Kate, come on we're almost out." he whispered.

Kate couldn't, wouldn't fight him, and just like the night his voice guided her back to reality in the warehouse, things started coming back into focus.

"Ok", she mumbled, as they moved around the corner. Castle gently leaned her back against the side of the building.

Again, she slowly licked her lips, looking up at her rescuer. "Thanks, I don't know what happened in there, sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about. Did you want to talk here or go someplace else?"

She took another deep breath, the words still wouldn't come. She pulled her phone out of her pocket, looked down at the text message, and handed the phone to Castle. Although somewhat confused by this gesture he shrugged, taking her phone from her trembling hand. He looked down, reading 'Nick died this morning at 4:26 am, he went peacefully.'

He totally understood now. Kate has again had someone she cared for, deeply, leave her. Not of his own free will, but he was gone none the less, out of her life. Before him stood this extraordinary woman, so used to being in control, yet currently reeling. He placed his hand on the back of her head and pulled her into him.

"It's Ok Kate, go ahead and let it out, he was your friend, you loved him."

As if this was the permission she was waiting for, the sobs started rising through her lungs and out of her mouth, racking her body, while tears flowing freely. She grabbed his arms, pulling him into her.

With her heels on, her face was buried in his shoulder. He held her closer and murmured quietly "Cry, it's Ok, I've got you, I'm not going anywhere."

After what seemed to be an eternity, her sobs finally lessened in intensity.

"I couldn't even respond back to Deb, what kind of friend am I? What can I say to her?"

tears spilling out of her now reddened eyes, as she backed away slightly and looked into his solid gaze.

Castle wiped the tears away with his fingertips so gently she didn't even feel his touch.

"Here let me." He took her phone, texting Deb; _Rick and I are so sorry for your loss, say the word and we will be at your doorstep. My one question is Do you think Nick has talked God into opening a bottle of Amarone yet?_

Rick showed her what he had typed. "What do you think? Should I send it?" he asked. Reading the message, a grateful smile appeared and looking into his eyes, she replied, "Absolutely."

With that the text was sent. What felt like mere seconds later, her phone chimed. Castle hit the read button, _They're__ on their second bottle. See you around 9 tonight if that works for you_.

_Count on it_ they responded, smiling together.

Ok, so now what. They had so much to talk about, but Rick could see Kate was dead on her feet, her eyes at half-mast. She had been at the precinct for nearly 48 hours straight, surviving only on cat naps and coffee. She had made the three boys go home and sleep, not once but twice. Hmm, he thought, now is not the right time to bring up her earlier actions and open declaration. She never did well when she was tired, and he definitely didn't want to fight with her, not now.

"How about if we go back to the loft, fix something to eat, clean up and take a nap, so we can stay awake at Deb's house tonight?"

"Um, what about Alexis and Martha?" she asked.

"They're off spending my money shopping, and then plan to head out to the new Matthew Broderick musical. The place is ours."

While Kate was comfortable and at ease with Castle's family, tonight she was relieved for the quiet introspective time they would have. Though she wasn't sure if she had the strength for the conversation that was brewing. It was sure to be intense, emotional, she shuttered as she thought about it.

As she pulled the keys out of her pocket, Castle took them, saying "I'm driving; I have no intention of ending up as an accident report."

She gave him a raised eyebrow glare, but shrugged her shoulders, she knew she wouldn't have able to focus on the road. "Ok, do it."

"I have to make one stop on the way." Castle said as he glanced her way.

"Whatever", she said. She almost fell into the passenger seat, buckling her seatbelt. God, Castle was humming, he was so excited he got to drive. She never let him drive, so decided to let him enjoy his moment in the sun. As the car's engine started, she felt herself slipping into sleep. After all, she had been awake for almost 48 hours. She had no idea what time it was when she felt the car's engine turn off.

"Kate, we're here. You need to wake up, or do you want me to carry you, hmm?"

She opened her eyes, noting the mischievous smile on his face.

"Relax Castle, I can walk up." She was still a little groggy, but did notice he was carrying a large white box. "What's that?" she asked.

"Just wait, you'll find out", he replied, giving her a wink.

"Ok, fine. Keep your secret if you must. I'm hungry and gotta pee, let's go." She threw over her shoulder as she stomped off. He chuckled as he followed her into his building. She was still a little out of it, so he guided her to the elevator.

Once inside the loft, she kicked off her boots and made a beeline to the bathroom.

Her most pressing need taken care of, she splashed water on her face, washing off the smudged makeup, and hoping it would help her wake up.

Entering the kitchen and feeling better, she stated "Hey Castle, nothing like a power nap to bring me around. What's to eat?" She reached for the big box, getting her hand slapped for her effort.

"That's for later, leave it alone!"

"I'm hungry", she whined.

"I ordered from Eastern Pearl on the way home", he said looking at his watch, "it should be here shortly" and with that the doorbell rang, "See I'm psychic."

"No, you're lucky", she laughed.

While he was paying the delivery boy, Kate went into the kitchen to gather what they needed to eat the food. Once she had everything, she took the supplies into the living room. "Chinese picnic?" she asked.

"Sure, great idea. Did you remember the chopsticks?" he asked and he ducked as she tossed them at his head.

They mostly ate in silence, neither wanting to be the one to open the conversation door. Once they finished their meal and cleaned the kitchen, Castle suggested "Why don't you go clean up? You know where everything is, go on, ladies first."

"Hmm, you promise you'll be a gentleman?" she said raising an eyebrow.

"Naturally! Cross my heart!" moving his fingers over his heart, all the time smiling at his beautiful partner.

Castle realised he hadn't heard any noise. or running water for about fifteen minutes, and he entered his bedroom expecting to see a closed bathroom door. A low growl escaped his mouth, as he saw her, wrapped in a towel, with wet hair spreading across her face. A sleeping Kate Beckett, _on his bed_. My God, awake or asleep she was breathtaking. He wanted to sit with her, hold her, let her tell him what had changed and what was happening to in store for them. But he knew that would have to wait. She needed to sleep, and then they needed to comfort their friend. Their time would come. He had waited four years, he would wait for this woman forever. With that thought, he spread a blanket over her and headed for his shower.

He was sitting on the couch, working on his laptop, when he heard her exit the bedroom, "What time is it?" Kate asked sleepily.

"I was just coming in to wake you up. It's about 8:30, time to get ready."

As they were locking up the loft, he grabbed the box. "Ok, spill, Castle, what's in the box?" She again asked, now impatient for a response.

"My God, are you always a detective? Can't you handle a little surprise in your life?"

She turned around, pretending to be displeased with his secrecy, her finger poking his chest.

'Ok, Ok, violence is not required, jeez" he sighed, as he opened the box. She peered in, spying the wonderful desserts from the French Bakery Deb had introduced them to. A sincere smile of satisfaction slipped on her face, "Perfect," she replied, feeling somewhat guilty for her distrust.

On the ride over to Deb's house, Kate again allowed Castle to drive. When she handed him the keys as they were leaving the loft, he realised just how tired she was, there would be no pushing tonight.

"Oh, by the way, after we leave Deb's, we're stopping by your place and picking up some of your stuff. You're staying with us for a few days."

" I don't think so Writer Boy, I can take care of myself!" she returned through clenched teeth.

"I don't remember asking you, and it is not up for discussion. Your friend is dead, and you need people around you. Guess what, I'm people, I'm _your _people. Am I clear?" This time his voice had an edge to it.

She shifted her position. Facing him, she realised he was right. She did need him, tonight and always, and she couldn't run. Not anymore. She was in for the duration.

"Fine, whatever", she conceded as she slumped down in her seat.

"Good, glad that's settled. We're here."


	3. Chapter 3

_**This is the third chapter of my first fan fic. I've finally figured out to add comments before the chapters. Yea!**_

_**I appreciate all of the reviews and comments. It spurs me on.**_

_**BUT, most of all I have been remiss in not thanking those fabulous Beta Babes from the Old Haunt - Bree, Marjo, and Stella. Your comments and encouragement have helped to make my story clearer, and more interesting.**_

_**Thank you, Thank you.**_

_**Enjoy the chapter, my Castle and Beckett are how I would like them to be, Yes I'm a dreamer, but I say, bring on those dreams.**_

Parking the car, they picked up the box of treats and the bottle of vintage port as they entered Deb's building, having the doorman announce their arrival. On the 30th floor, as the elevator door opened Kate balked and she couldn't step outside. Castle turned to his partner, reaching for her hand, so they could exit together. As they walked down the hallway, Castle could feel her begin to tremble. His detective could stare down the worst of criminals, bring them to justice and comfort victims' families. But facing her private feelings left her unsure, paralysed, afraid of what to expect.

Castle leaned in, whispering in her ear, "This will be fine, she's our friend." His lips brushed her forehead, and she squeezed his hand in response.

They were surprised as the door opened before they could ring the bell.

"Sam told me you were on your way up," Deb said as she reached towards the pair, pulling them into her house. Castle wasted no time, placing the box on the entry table he wrapped his arms around Deb's small frame, kissing her forehead, looking back at Kate. Realising how unsure she was, not knowing what to do, he immediately swept her up into his bear hug. The group spent a few minutes in silent support, then separating as Deb said, "Come in, let's sit"

Rick retrieved the box from the table and headed toward their favourite place in the kitchen.

"Thought it would be nice to share some treats from Les Petits Pleasures, Kate grab some plates, I'll open the port." Kate marvelled at how Castle knew _exactly_ how to proceed during this difficult, painful time.

Deb looked from Castle back to Kate, and she reached out and caressed Kate's cheek, "You are so important to us, to me, _both of you_, thank you for coming."

Up until Deb's touch Kate had felt frozen, unable to speak or move. Now she stepped forward, looking into her friend's eyes, "Of course, we are here to help?"

Neither spoke again, yet silently communicated their mutual respect. Castle interrupted their connection, announcing "Port is open, tartes are ready, let's eat." Handing them both a glass of port, he then raised his glass, "To Nick."

Everyone touched glasses, saying in unison, "To Nick". For a few moments the three were engaged in alternately tasting tartes, savouring port, and remembering times shared with their missing friend and spouse. Kate found herself unable to express herself easily to her long term friend. She found herself involved in her thoughts - _h__ow can I describe how broken my heart is from losing Nick__, let alone the pain of __Deb's los__s_. _What would I do if I lost my soul ma..., if I lost Castle_,? As she shivered, retreating back into her personal agony. Castle saw her floundering. He knew her so well, understood that she was trying to surface from her personal hell, so he again took the lead, stating;

"What can we do Deb? What do you want us to do?"

Kate visibly relaxed, shaking her head slightly. How did he know the perfect thing to say? He was so together, so caring, so, _so hers_, her heart swelled with emotion.

Slowly, Deb began to speak. "Nick hated funerals, especially after last summers' events" squeezing Kate's hand, she continued, "We had some time while he was still able to talk. He wanted to be cremated, and his last wish was that his ashes be scattered over his favourite area of Tuscany, near Montepulciano. So that's my plan, to do this for Nick. Then it's back to NYC for a blow-out party, where everyone eats, drinks and paints the town red. I can see us celebrating all night. He would be so jealous."

Kate was amazed at her friend's ability to calmly present this to them. Kate's mouth was dry, her heart pounding, and all she could do was nod. What an idiot she was. Mentally giving herself a shake, she thought _come on Kate help your friend_, as she returned Deb's hand squeeze. Castle again broke the silence,.

"What a great idea, exactly what Nick would want. Listen, give me a minute,I'll be right back" and with that, he pulled his phone out, as he left the room.

Kate leaned her head against Deb's forehead, finally breaking her silence, "I love you my friend, I'll always be here for you, no matter what."

Deb released Kate's hand, taking her face into her hands, "I know." she replied.

Deb glanced towards the den where Castle had disappeared. Turning back to smile at Kate, she said softly "He loves you and you love him, don't waste another minute! Life has no guarantees."

Kate smiled at her friend, saying, "I know. Today after I got your text, it was suddenly clear what I needed. No, what I _wanted_. So, I walked into the bull pen, kissed Rick in front of everyone and told him I loved him."

She ran her hands through her hair, "God I'm so screwed, what the hell have I done?" Kate shuddered, looked at her hands, and blushed with embarrassment. Deb tilted Kate's face, grinning from ear to ear as she looked straight into her eyes, saying "It's about damn time!" They both burst out laughing and hung on to each other. "Leave it to Nick's death to make you face your future. Now what?" Deb asked.

"Good question? There is so much to talk about, to explain, but it didn't feel right to do it today. I feel more certain of this than anything in my life, but I'm terrified!"

"Of course you are! You've never been able to express your feelings. You can battle criminals, represent the victims of crime, help everyone else out and yet drown in your own solitude. Relationships are _work_, Kate. Nick and I worked on ours every day, for our entire marriage. We had many rocky times, but with each adversity came a triumph, a strengthening of our bond. Remember you will always be stronger together no matter what, but you _can't_ hide, can't walk away or try to hurt him, that's not fair to either of you."

Kate nodding slowly, agreeing with her friend, and hoping to remember the sage words that were just spoken. "Thank you." They remained still, holding hands, when Castle came flying out of the den.

"It's all arranged. My friend Sergei has a villa in Tuscany, in the town of Montepulciano. The area is Val D'Orcia and the rolling hills are breathtaking." He let out a deep breath and again continued. "The place is all yours, his staff will attend to your every desire. His private plane is being refurbished here in New York, and should be ready by the end of the week. That will give you enough time to pack your toothbrush, grab your American Express Card, invite some friends, and off you go. He said you can stay as long as you want. Did I mention he has one of the finest collections of Italian wines ever, particularly Brunellos? How about that, hmm?" With that, Castle gave them his wide eyed boyish look, lifting his eyebrow for effect. Kate was transfixed, her head in her hands, watching in wonder as this adorable, charismatic man finished presenting his plan. His face was so full of excitement, and his enthusiasm had totally swept Deb into the moment. Taking a tragedy, one of the saddest times in her life, Castle had turned it into an adventure. He was amazing, truly a man to trust and confide in, someone to help her heal, and become whole. Kate knew he would never leave her, and that just made her want _them_ even more. He stopped talking, looking back and forth between each woman, seeking approval.

Deb spoke, "Rick, I can't accept that. It's much too extravagant."

"Yes, you can and I won't take no for an answer." he replied stubbornly.

Kate chuckled, winking at Deb, "Yeah, Deb don't try and fight him on this. Once he' s on a roll, consider yourself committed, take it from one who knows!" She glanced at Castle and rubbed her hand on his forearm.

Smiling gratefully at her dear friends, Deb responded, "Ok, I'll do it."

"Great! Now think of 7 friends you enjoy traveling with and you're off" Castle returned, grinning from ear to ear.

The remainder of the evening was spent working out the details. Even in her sorrow, Kate could tell Deb was pleased, wanting to finalise the arrangements. Castle was truly a marvel and she soaked the sight of him up, wanting to remember this special time as he changed their friends sorrow into hope. As Deb raced into the den to start calling her traveling companions, Kate reached over, and lightly placed her lips on his, tasting his open mouth. It only lasted a moment, as this was not the time or place to lose control.

As their lips parted, Castle sighed, "Wow, twice in one day, I am in heaven right?"

"Not quite" she returned, rubbing the back of her hand on his cheek.

The emotion of the evening was taking its toll on Kate, draining her of what little reserve she still had. Suddenly overcome with fatigue, her face growing pale, Castle could see they needed to leave, and soon.

Deb emerged from the den, smiling and laughing when she suddenly stopped,

seeing Kate's exhausted face and Rick's look of concern.

"You two need some sleep. Go home, I'm fine, no I'm better than fine, thanks to you."

Hugging her friends, she lovingly nudged them towards the door. "We'll talk soon, I love you both. Goodnight."

Opening the door to the loft, Castle nearly had to drag Kate and her bags across the threshold. Depositing her on the closest stool, he dropped her belongings in the entry. The last few minutes of the drive home had passed in complete silence, both were depleted, desperately in need of sleep. Kate laid her head on the counter, closing her eyes.

"Hey Kate, you need to go to bed," he spoke quietly as he gently poked her side.

"Umm, right, just a minute," she murmured, hardly able to speak.

Castle wrapped his arm around her sleepy form, trying to get her on her feet. Giving her a moment to gain some balance, he started to guide her upstairs to the guest room.

"Stop Castle, what are you doing?" Turning to him she put her hand on his chest.

"Getting you up to bed before you fall over." He was confused, and honestly, a little cranky. Why was she being so difficult, he was tired too?

"Nuh-uh, no way. I'm not sleeping in the guest room!"

Now Castle was _really_ confused. Grabbing her chin, he lifted her face, looking into her eyes, seeking answers.

"I thought I was pretty clear this afternoon, buddy. I love you. I'm not sleeping alone, not tonight, not ever again, got it?" She informed him forcefully, poking her finger into his chest with each declaration.

Kate had discarded her shoes when she entered the loft, so she stood on her tiptoes and rubbed her nose on his, brushed her lips on his mouth, and purred as she bit his lower lip, "Let's go."

Taking his hand, she began moving towards his bedroom, and even though she was mostly asleep on her feet, her intentions were quite clear.

Castle was in shock, shaking his head and smiling at this marvellous creature, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and closed the door.


	4. Chapter 4

_Good evening readers. Here is Chapter 4 of my adventure. Again, my thanks to my three Beta Babes from Old Haunt-Bree, Marjo, and Stella. Their input has made this a better story and hopefully me a better writer. Comments are welcome!_

Kate slowly opened her eyes and brushed the hair off her face, trying to remember where she was. Looking around, she noticed rich cherry furnishings and subdued atmosphere, and smiled, realising that she was actually in Castle's bedroom and yet unable to recall exactly how she ended up in his bed.

They had returned to the loft at 2:00 am, both incredibly tired and dead on their feet.

Smiling softly, Kate remembered she had been the aggressor, pulling him into his bedroom and telling him she had no intention of sleeping alone. _Did she really say she was never going to sleep alone again_. Seriously? God, she had been so emotionally drained, and yes, that was how she felt, but it was so unlike her to put a voice to it. Once they were in his room, Kate had begun removing her clothes without modesty or concern for propriety, knowing she had every intention of making love with Castle. Try as she might, taking off her top was the last thing she remembered. and looking down at her body, noting she was wearing one of his t-shirts and nothing else wondering how that happened? She loved sleeping with her skin touching the sheets, though since the shooting her skin was sometimes too tender to rub directly on them. Stretching out, the sheets felt sensual… so, _hey__,_ _where was Castle?_

Kate slowly raised herself up on her elbow, noting how stiff she was, with her left side hurting, and trying to push the pain to the back of her mind. She stretched, curling her toes while looking around the room, trying to find a clock. Wondering what time it was, but more importantly, _where was he_? She was about to climb out of bed and search him out, when the door opened, and in strolled Castle, one cup of steaming coffee in each hand, wearing only flowered boxers. Seeing her awake, that trademark Castle smirk spread across his face. He sat on the edge of the bed next to Kate.

"Well, Detective, I was wondering when you would surface. I thought I was going to have to call the boys and report a dead body in my bed."

"Funny Castle!", she retorted and sticking out her leg she kicked his thigh. "Give me one", she ordered as she reached for a cup of coffee.

"You should be nicer to me, seeing as I hold all the coffee" he teased, pulling her cup just out of reach.

"Don't make me get my gun!" she threatened as she sat up and leaned across Castle, reaching for her cup. As her arm brushed against his bare chest, she felt a tingle run down her arm and she realised she had never seen Castle without a shirt, let alone in boxers. Kate's obvious and prolonged stare at his boxers prompted Castle to explain. "These are for lounging, not for public viewing."

She smirked and pulled on his arm, bringing the coffee within her grasp. She took a long drink of her morning nectar and licking her lips looked into her partner's eyes. "I need a little help with last night. I remember walking into the loft, you trying to push me around, I think I poked you and I announced something about not sleeping alone, I pulled you in here and started taking off my clothes. Then nothing, everything is a blank until this morning and", gesturing at the t-shirt, "How did this happen?" Her eyebrow raised, she tried to hide her uncertainty in her determination for answers.

Castle laughed and considered her demand by rubbing his chin, and pursing his lips. This could be fun.

"_Well_", he started, leering at her. "It _was_ quite a night! Yes indeed Detective, quite a ..."

"Damn you, Castle, I'm serious," she kicked him again, her fury rising, "This isn't funny!

"Oh, you have no idea!" As soon as he uttered the words, he knew he had pushed too far Her face darkened and her eyes went cold as she attempted to get up.

He stopped her, "Nothing happened. You barely got your top over your head, when you tumbled on to the bed, out cold. Now, Castle's number 1 rule is no love making with women who have no chance of remembering how brilliant I am. I removed your clothes, yes all of them, and totally enjoying the experience while you never stirred. And can I say that it's not easy taking clothes off a beautiful, unconscious woman without groping."

Kate was speechless, and staring into her coffee she bit her lower lip before she stammered "I '-I'm so sorry, I had such great plans for us last night!"

"Kate, relax. After waiting 4 years, I think we can wait until you're not comatose." He stroked her cheek and brought his eyebrow up for effect.

She smiled back at him, _W__hat__ a wonderful man_. As she looked around, she noticed the clock showing 9:30am. She started and shoved him, _hard_.

"Castle let me up! I've got to get to the precinct, come on move!"

"Ow! Calm down, I called the station and the boys told me that Gates gave everyone a four day weekend, as a reward for your good work." And with his news delivered, Castle climbed over her to his side of the bed and said "Come on back to bed."

All of a sudden, she was nervous, no make that _terrified__, _and unsure how to proceed. Did they talk first, _or_... Her question was quickly answered as he rolled her over to face him, their faces so close she could smell the warmth of his coffee breath. The look on his face brought her heart to a momentary standstill and her breath caught in her throat, anticipating his next move. Kate reached out and ran her fingers down his nose, stopping on his lips. Her eyes followed the movement of her fingers, memorizing everything. His face was so strong, yet so gentle, his blue eyes pulling her in. Yes, she thought, he really was ruggedly handsome.

Castle grabbed her hands, stopping their downward progress towards his chest.

"Kate, are you sure you want this _now_? Don't you want to talk things out first? We need to think about what this means. _You_ need to be sure, because once we start, I won't be able to stop, _we_ won't stop."

"Rick, Nick's death gave me such clarity. Life is precious and fragile, sure we live with the reality of death daily, but this was _too_ personal, too close to home. We can talk later, we'll have time. Right now, I'm ready, I'll never be any more ready." And with that she rolled onto him, straddling his chest.

She sat up and removed the T-shirt, leaving her chest exposed. Kate's voice was no more than a whisper as she said " you need to see my scars, touch them, they are part of me." Taking his hand in hers, she rubbed his fingers over the scar where the sniper's bullet had entered her chest, ripping through her pulmonary vein and ending up in her left ventricle. That she was not killed instantly was a miracle. Her friends had contained what little blood had remained in her circulatory system, and Lanie had pumped Kate's chest long enough for her to be brought to the level 1 trauma center, minutes away from the cemetery. Kate's eyes closed as these memories flooded her consciousness.

Taking a deep breath, she opened them again, staring into Castle's eyes and finding understanding written there. The pain of that day had long been burned into him, into both of them, the shot, his words, that horrible ride in the ambulance, him watching her die. _She saw it all! _

Kate moved his hand to the left side of her chest, tracing the lifesaving surgical scar, the lateral thoracotomy incision that coursed over her fourth rib space from the back of her chest to the front. His hand resting just under her left breast, he pressed into her side, trying to exorcise the demons that nearly cost them everything.

"Do they hurt? Can you tell me about it? Please, I want to know, to understand all of it." He asked reverently, again staring into her magnificent, wounded eyes.

She watched as he looked at her scars, caressing them, never repulsed by them. He deserved the truth, and she needed to tell her story, needed to describe what had happened so their souls could begin to heal and they could begin their life together.

Kate's voice was calm and quiet, her emotions held in tight control, as she started to explain.

"I don't remember immediately after surgery. When I opened my eyes, I was so full of tubes, strapped down, everything moving as a fast blur. Fading in and out, everything so loud, I had to escape and I did everything I could to flee, to fight the tubes and restraints, I couldn't get free. I fought harder and that only made my terror worse, the pain unbearable. I was trapped, defenceless. That's when I I saw a face leaning over me, so close and holding my face, with a soothing voice, telling me over and over again that it was going to be ok, but I had to quit fighting, and then the darkness." She stopped, and bit her lower lip, thinking she had seen Castle's expression change, just for an instant,.

She shook her head and relaxed, passing it off as her imagination, she continued. "Later, the nurses told me how my rescuer singlehandedly worked to get the tubes removed and restraints off as fast as possible, explaining that the longer they kept me secured the more I would fight, and how counterproductive that would be, because I would never stop resisting as long as I felt trapped and out of control."

A slow smile came onto her face as she vaguely remembered how this person's presence became her safe harbor during those first hours. "It was the one face, one voice that I could make sense of, could hang on to. I -I don't think I could of survived without that." The intensity of this confession took her breath away, and she paused for a moment.

"Once I was more awake, the breathing tube removed along with the restraints, reality set in. At first, the pain took my breath away, it was relentless. Every time I tried to breath, pain would attack until I thought I would pass out. The pain medication didn't help, it only caused me to have nightmares, and every time I went to sleep the memory of the night in the hanger returned. With each event, I would start shaking, sobbing and would end up soaking wet. I told them to turn off the pain medication machine and was advised that the stress of unrelieved pain on my compromised heart could kill me."

Remembering the distress, she placed a hand on her chest, over her scar and continued: "One night it was so bad, I tried to get up, ripping at the tubes, trying to escape the pain and the nightmares. The nurses were magnificent, each time easing me back to bed, holding my hands, stroking my face until the sedatives that they pumped into me took over, plunging me back into a peaceful darkness. Lanie and the medical team came up with a combination of medication that allowed me some rest, and helped me when I tried to move."

Kate looked at Rick and continued. "The first time they got me out of bed, my legs wouldn't hold me, and if the nurses hadn't had a good grip on me, I would have fallen, dizziness and pain made it impossible to concentrate. I made them get me out of bed as often as the doctors would allow. I knew I had to keep moving. I couldn't bear the fear of being so vulnerable, and I was afraid that I would reveal what a mess I was, how physically and emotionally broken I had become." A short bitter laugh escaped, "I always believed that I was so strong, able to withstand anything, hiding in my mother's death, in relationships with men I didn't love. I couldn't let you see the real me so I sent you away, the physical pain was easier to manage than seeing disappointment in your eyes, that would've destroyed me. I had broken up with Josh earlier, so I was alone but I needed to keep my cover intact."

She looked down, no longer to maintain eye contact. "Castle, I'm such a fraud. The physical pain has gotten better, but at times it returns with vengeance, I never know when, it just happens. The emotional pain is continuing. I-I'm still seeing my shrink, trying to heal. I _want_ to get better." Her body and her mind totally spent, her story ended, Kate let the tears fall freely onto Castle's chest. During the whole recount of her experience, she had been afraid to let him see just how damaged she was.

As Kate brought her hands up to wipe her tears, Rick's hands covered hers, pulling her down to him, and laying her on his chest, his arms encircling her body. Kate's sobs began, and his tears joined hers. There was nothing he could say, nothing he could do, to remove those terrifying moments from her memory, both their memories. All they could do was work together, making it better in time. Someday, he would tell her that he was her rescuer, but not now, not until she was ready.

As her sobs receded, he turned her face into his. Gently his lips covered hers, both opening in unison, and what started as a slow kiss became an exploration into passion, their tongues searching each other's mouths, Kate nipping his bottom lip and hanging on momentarily. Somehow he managed to slip out of his boxers, the sheets tossed aside, and Castle now laying on top of Kate, as their hands began to caress each other. Kate shivered with anticipation of what was to come. Their bodies were so in tune, their movements slow and purposeful, both in awe of the intensity of their passion. Kate's body so long and lean, still thinner than she had once been. Rick's body big and strong, firmer than she had envisioned. Kate sighed, her body was comfortable in his embrace, she felt safe and had never imagined how gentle his touch could be. As their passion rose, they could no longer avoid the inevitable. Time stood still while Kate's world spun out of control.

Their bodies spent, they collapsed and melted into one, both unable to talk and their hearts pounding. Kate's hair softly tickled Rick's chin, and he kissed her head, drinking in her scent.

Kate was the first, to speak, "Wow…that, that was..I don't have the words," lifting her head to look at him, "You're the writer, say something." As she slapped the back of his head.

"My, my, so impatient…_relax_. Where's the afterglow, the...how can I say, the…" he teased.

"Cut it, Castle. Don't make me want to kill you right now, Ok? I'm not sure I have the strength.", grinning, she whispered in his ear, "Kitten."

"No, I am sure that will come later, wait… what did you say? I **told **you never to call me that, you will pay for that." He waved his finger in her face and wanted to start the dance again, but also knew there was more to follow.

Laughing, he jumped up and grabbed her hand, "Let's get cleaned up. I'm starving, you've slept half the day away! "

"Okay, Writer boy, let's go."


	5. Chapter 5

_**Well, dear readers, dear friends, our story continues. This is how I imagine Castle and Beckett's love story progressing. I believe that its the journey, not the destination, our couple will be faced with so much more, because that is life! Stay tuned for more, love the comments, thanks**_

_**Lastly, to my own band of Beta Babes, Bree, Marjo, and Stella, this would not come together without you. XXOO, Melody**_

Kate was standing, lost in thought, as the events of the last 24 hours swept through her. Her life as she knew it had changed forever, no, both of their lives had. _Where was this going, where_... His arms encircled her naked body, and at his touch chills chased down her spine., hmm, this was heaven.

He murmured in her ear, "You're coming with me" and with that he pulled them both into the warm water of the shower. They quickly became engrossed in washing each other's bodies. Rick couldn't believe she was actually here, _with him_. Her body was delicious every inch of her sublime, and as he began lathering her hair, he awakened her senses with his subtle yet smooth technique. She was enraptured with this activity, the thought of this becoming part of a daily routine, brought a smile of contentment. The water turned off, too soon for Kate. As she opened her mouth to protest, he kissed her forehead and slapped her butt, "Let's finish. Remember, I'm starving."

"Nice Castle, way to break the spell. Romance versus food, yep, I should have known which you would choose. Okay, we'll do it your way, but next time, I lead, got it!" she stated, her fingers, cupping his chin.

"My dear Detective, feed me and you can drag me back in here, cuffed or not. Either way, I will be ready for more. The question is, do you have the stamina to keep up with me?" The smirk on his face was maddening, and oh so cocky, just daring her to respond.

"Listen, you sit on your ass all day, I work out. I kick box, run, and do yoga. Believe me, _my_ stamina is not in question."

"Yeah, but I'm a stealth lover, built for surprise and secrecy. I save my stamina for the important activities, didn't I demonstrate my prowess this morning?"

Kate barked out a laugh, he was too much. Their banter was such a part of them. During the last few months, they had grown closer, and so much more comfortable with each other, that their time together was special, for both of them.

As they left the bedroom, Kate stopped, "My God, what about Alexis and Martha? What will they think?" She pulled back and ran her hands through her hair. Somehow she found the thought of facing his mother and daughter daunting.

"Relax, they've already gone for the day. Though," cocking his head to one side, "they do know you spent the night but I didn't go into the details. I'll save that for show and tell tonight. His face turned serious. "They were sorry to hear about Nick, and asked us to give Deb their best."

Good grief, with everything that had transpired this morning, Nick's death and Deb's loss had been completely forgotten. She bit her lip and looked at her feet as the guilt filled her and her shoulders slumped. Castle tipped her downcast face up, "Kate, come on, give yourself a break. It's ok, let's fix something to eat."

After they finished eating and cleaning up, Castle asked "What's today's game plan?"

Stretching, Kate responded "I need some exercise, I'm stiff this morning and my side hurts."

"Do you need a massage?"

"No way, Castle, at this point, we'd end up never leaving here"

"Works for me", reaching in he kissed the tip of her nose.

Rubbing his jaw, she gave him a little slap, "Get your shoes on we're going to the park". Kate sensed Castle's disappointment so she leaned in, "If you're a good boy, there will be more later, maybe something with cuffs if you're interested?"

His face brightened considerably, "Sounds promising, let's go."

Her phone chimed, and Kate paused to read the message. "Castle, Gates wants to see all of us at the precinct. Oh, hell, do you think she heard what happened yesterday?"

"Hum, what could she have heard? Let me think, oh yes, I remember. You attacked me, spoke to me forcefully and then ordered me to go with you. An obvious case of police brutality, I'm thinking? I may actually have bruises." His smirk and attitude were getting on Kate's nerves.

"Castle, Captain Gates could order you out of the precinct. What was I thinking?" Her hands went to her face and a concerned frown appeared. _This could be bad, really bad_. Castle was part of their team, and an important element of her life she didn't want to lose. God, why didn't she wait to kiss Castle 'til they were out of the station, she was a fool letting her heart get the better of her!

Kate was quiet the entire way downtown. She parked the car, and as they walked to the elevator, Kate turned and stopped Castle with a hand to his chest. "Keep it in line. No smirking, no eyebrow raising and no winking. None of your usual antics – got it! You need to take this seriously as I've gotten used to you in the precinct. You help us, help _me_ solve crimes, you help me relax and have fun, even when we're stressed out. I want you in my life, every part of it!"

Castle started to lean in and kiss her, and started as she slapped him, "Get a grip, Romeo, what did you just hear me say?"

"That you love me, and you can't live without me. How much fun I am, how much I help solve crimes, how..."

"Okay, I got it, just keep it together", she looked around, and seeing no one, decided it was her turn to show him a little affection, their lips touching lightly as she nipped his bottom lip. Kate whispered, "Let's get this over with."

Neither spoke in the elevator, and as they got out Castle started to put his hand on her back. She scooted away and under her breath snapped, "Stop it!"

Ryan and Esposito were sitting on the edge of their desks making small talk. As soon as they spied Castle and Beckett, they jumped up and headed towards the couple. Both had grins that stretched from ear to ear.

"Yo, Beckett. Castle my man!" Espo did the low five with Castle while Ryan bounced on his toes like an excited puppy. God, Kate thought, these two and Castle would be the death of her. Shaking her head, Kate wasn't sure which one she would kill first, but it would be painful!

She tilted in and between her teeth, she spit out "We'll talk about this later, not here, not now. Straighten up, all of you!"

Gates stuck her head out of her office, summoning the foursome into her office.

"Finally, all of you in here now!"

"Uh oh, she sounds really pissed." Castle whispered.

Kate's anxiety was rising, "Uh huh, she does."

When they entered, Gates didn't turn around. She was staring out her window, arms crossed on her chest and not saying anything for a minute. Slowly she turned, and proceeded to stare each of them down, no expression clear on her face.

Kate started to speak, "Captain…", she was stopped as Gates raised her hand, "This is my party, I'll do the talking!" She slowly started walking around the group.

"So, I understand there was a little physical contact in the middle of the precinct yesterday, is that correct?"

"Captain, I can explain..." Kate began.

"Detective Beckett. My party, my rules," Gates was in Kate's face, staring into her eyes, "now, did you kiss Mr Castle?"

Kate moistened her lips, oh boy, here it comes, "Sir..."

"Yes or no Detective. It's a simple question."

Kate gulped replying, "Yes, sir."

"Why? What possessed you?" Gates demanded.

Oh damn, this is it, I am going to have to tell the truth in front of my friends and my boss? She looked down then up at Castle. He smiled at her and winked, indicating his support for her dilemma. She closed her eyes and taking a deep breath, slowly opened her eyes as she turned to face her Captain. In a clear, strong voice, she responded, "Because I realized I was in love with him. I want to be with him."

She heard Ryan and Espo gasp, followed by a giggle and a hand slap. Though she wanted to bury Esposito and Ryan, Kate's eyes never left Gate's gaze. After what seemed like an eternity, Gates looked over to Castle, then the boys and finally back to Kate. She leaned back on her desk and shook her head. "I was afraid this would happen. I have to admit Mr. Castle has proven to be an asset so for now, I'll ignore this, this ..." waving her hand in resignation.

Everyone in the room was silent as they stared at their boss, their mouths agape. Seriously, could this be happening? Had Gates suspected all the time? As it dawned on them Gates was letting Castle stay, they all let out a sigh of relief.

"Now get out of here, keep the kissing and fighting to a respectable level, and don't make me regret letting Castle stay."

They exited Gates office in stunned silence. Kate couldn't believe what had just happened, and the three boys were squealing like little girls. Espo texted Lanie to come to the precinct as Gates stuck her head out again ending their celebrations.

"Remember, you have four days off and you're wasting time, get out!"

With that, everyone grabbed their jackets and headed towards the elevator. "Remy's", Castle announced, "I'm buying."

The 12th precinct team enjoyed their lunch and beers. The boys and Lanie wanted to know all of the details, and several times as Castle opened his mouth to talk, he was silenced by a swift kick from Beckett. Kate was giving no details away, except maybe to Lanie later on.

After lunch, Castle and Kate headed towards Central Park, entering at 80th. Kate began taking deep breaths, smiling, and looking around from tree to tree. Suddenly, she sprinted forward, squealing and reaching out as she hugged the massive tree before her. "My mom and I spent hours walking around identifying the trees. Did you know that there are over 25,000 trees in the park? 31 different families: elms, oaks, dogwoods, pines. Aren't they beautiful?" she asked, her eyes shining with excitement, "This one is a Red Oak, so strong, look how his trunk is furrowed, and rough, his acorns feed the animals, and his branches are big and protective. He seemed so strong when I was young and scared and lonely. I named him Teddy for Theodore Roosevelt. I believed he could keep me safe. Over the years as I grew, they grew, changing their shape and their foliage with the seasons. Mom used to say you could learn so much from trees. How they adapted to weather, various conditions and how they stood proud as their limbs grew. I had problems growing up. I didn't trust people, kept them at bay, kind of like I do now. I was afraid to talk to people. Mom said it was OK to be different, trees were never the same, always changing, each with their own unique personality. She said I would become my own person, I would grow up and become strong like the trees, able to adapt and change with the seasons."

Castle was enthralled, never had he seen Kate so happy about something so simple and pure. Did she realize how much she had just revealed about herself? How alone she had felt growing up? How she had learned to read people? How she longed to be safe and how her mother used trees to help her as she grew up. He longed to know more about her childhood. What else from her time with her mother was buried within her? Johanna Beckett had been the major influence in his detective's life and Castle wanted to learn more about their relationship, but how? Who could enlighten him? He certainly couldn't ask Kate. He doubted she was even aware of her mother's influence, or if she was, it was her private sanctuary. This could be the key to unlocking the mystery of Kate Beckett.

Kate released her hold on her tree friend and leaned her forehead on the bark. She remained quiet for a moment, deep in thought. She turned, and returning to his side, raised up on her tiptoes and kissed his jaw. Her fingers intertwined with his and they continued their walk. She was so free and open, none of the usual suspicious looks or movements. He loved every part of her, but this was a side she rarely showed to anyone. Castle felt honored that she had entrusted herself with him.

They stopped at Belvedere's Castle where Nikki Heat had escaped death in Heat Rises. Kate was so relaxed that she hadn't remembered the significance of this place. She rested her back on the low wall, looking out onto the grounds. "I love this spot, I always felt I was queen here, above it all, invincible." She pulled Castle in, wrapping her arms around him and resting her head on his chest. Castle closed his eyes and burned this memory into his mind. He pulled her face up and softly kissed her his heart soaring.

He stood there with her, just enjoying them together. He realized that it may be time to talk, though he was afraid that would break the spell they had woven. He weighed his choices carefully and began.

"Kate, when you opened up this morning, you told me so much about how you felt following your shooting. You described how you endured the pain, hid your fears while you faced the terror alone. How you pushed people away, afraid that you weren't good enough, that no one would accept you as you were. You're wrong, Kate, totally and completely wrong. You were so courageous to share those feelings and people are fragile. We all want someone, _need_ someone to lean on, especially during tough times. We all have inner demons that we believe mark us as flawed, or untouchable. You need to understand that there is nothing that would make me leave you. Do you understand what I'm saying?" he implored.

Kate pushed him away and then shut her eyes so she could think. She had seen the anguish in his eyes as he spoke to her. Could she believe what he said? She was still trying to find _herself_, let alone figure out where they stood. She wanted to believe him, _needed_ to believe him, yet could she trust enough to give herself to him unconditionally. The thought of doing so frightened her, and her body trembled. She had told him she wouldn't leave and understood that this is what that would mean. _Always._

"Rick, I-I don't know what to say. I do trust you, I..." her voice caught in her throat, the words wouldn't come.

Castle watched his partner fighting for control and struggling to believe him. It was time to tell her how much he knew about those first few hours after her surgery.

"Kate, you talked about the person who saved you, who came to your rescue when you woke up after surgery. I know exactly what you went through, because that person was me. I was the one who helped you fight your terrors and your pain. I was there. I _had_ to be there. I was not going to let you go through that alone. I would not allow them to keep your arms restrained. They were certain you would pull out everything and possibly hurt yourself, and of course, you would have, had you been given the opportunity. So the nurses removed the restraints and I held onto your hands. I let you move your hands some, just not enough to rip out anything and cause further damage. That went on for hours. Between the anesthesia, the other drugs, and the fact your heart had stopped twice, it took longer than usual for you to stabilize. It was hours before the breathing tube could be removed safely. You weren't awake enough to protect your airway and breathe on your own. Once the tubes were removed, you relaxed, and the terror left your face. That's when I knew you would live."

Kate gasped in shock, she was stunned. Her entire body shook and tears filled her eyes. "Why didn't someone tell me? All this time I believed it was Lanie? Why?"

"Kate, I know you. You would have been mortified to know anyone watched you go through that. Lanie and I decided to let you think it was her. I didn't want to be the cause of any more of your pain. I had already caused you enough distress. I held you at bay while Captain Montgomery was killed protecting you. Your pride was all you had left, everyone else was gone."

The enormity of his confession overtook Kate and her legs failed her. Castle's grip kept her from a complete collapse. He had saved her when it mattered most. Her mind was in chaos. What had happened to Kate Beckett? Had that badass cop who feared nothing, who could beat anyone or anything, and never backed away from a battle, been destroyed by the shooting? Was she irreparably broken or had his confession given her hope? Kate stared into his face and knew it was time to move forward.

She reached forward, taking his hand, "Rick, let's go home."


	6. Chapter 6

_**Hope you're enjoying my story. Our couple will continue to work through issues. Love all of your comments so encouraging. Not sure where this will lead, we'll just have to see.**_

_**Can't forget to thank my international friends who bring my story clarity. Love you guys - Bree, Marjo, and Stella**_

Finally!, Chapter 6

Castle had been able to convince Kate to make veal in mustard sauce, one of his favorites, for tonight's dinner. It was actually more like begging than persuading, but it had worked and Castle was thrilled. Kate was a wonderful cook and he loved watching her work in the kitchen. She was so focussed, so intense, and when Kate was fully absorbed in her production, Castle slipped out to put some jazz on the stereo. He came back in, bringing a bottle of wine and glasses, which he poured while sneaking glances at her. She had put her hair up, but some wisps had escaped and fallen onto her face. Occasionally she blew them aside, never missing a beat. My God, he thought again, this woman was something to behold, she is truly extraordinary.

As one of his favorite songs started playing, he reached out and spun her around. Staring into her eyes he whispered "Dance with me?" Kate looked to her unfinished preparations, slightly annoyed, but when her eyes again met his, they melted her heart and she though _what the hell_. Kate pushed into his hips and as the dance began Kate realized this was their first dance _together_ and a chill spread through her. He seemed to sense her thoughts and raised her face to bring her lips up to meet his, their mouths opened, passion flaring as they lost themselves in the moment.

"Well, well, well, does this mean dinner will be late?" Martha inquired as she entered the kitchen. Kate tried to push Castle away, but he held on, refusing to release her.

"Castle, let go, I need to finish dinner." she said as she smacked him on the chest.

Castle shrugged, "Okay, but only because I'm hungry. We will continue this later", he murmured as he ran his finger down her jaw.

Kate was flustered by his public display of affection, especially in front of his mother. Since her mother's death, she and her father had become so reserved, so insular and it was something she had long regretted.

Later that evening, Kate sat curled up on the couch, enjoying JD Robb's latest book. Years ago she had fallen in love with the author's hard-nosed female homicide detective from the 21st century. She related to the heroine, Dallas, someone who drove herself until the criminal was apprehended. She smiled as she recalled how much Dallas and Roarke's relationship paralleled Castle and hers. She sensed Castle's presence, reaching up behind her as he approached. He had been on a phone call for nearly an hour.

"That's amazing, how did you know I was coming?"

"Intuition, Castle, remember I'm a cop." Then she gave him a sly smile, "Besides I heard you step on the squeaky floorboard."

He bent down to kiss her neck and handed her a glass of red wine. She frowned, it was a full glass and she had a feeling something was up. He came around and sat next to her, sliding her feet under his thigh, looking crestfallen.

"OK Castle, spill. Now!"

"Am I that transparent?"

"Pretty much, but adorable with it, I might add."

Castle looked so serious that Kate's heart tightened, and her mind raced as she tried to identify what this mood change was about.

"My publisher wants me in LA to talk about the new book release and maybe a new book deal. It would be a 2 week trip."

Kate's face fell. She didn't want him to leave, they were finally in a good place. So _in sync_ right now. She rubbed his forearm and looked up. "I-I know you have to go, it's your real job and you can't follow me around every day." A long sigh escaped as she stared into his hypnotic eyes. The thought of being without him for any length of time was unsettling. She attempted to give him a smile of encouragement as she touched his chin, his evening stubble was rough under her palm and brought her chills down to her toes.

"When do you leave?"' she asked, dreading the answer.

"Tomorrow. I'm so sorry, I don't want to leave you." As he brought her hands up and kissed her palms, he brightened and said "Wait, why don't you come with me."

She shook her head in sad resignation, "Cas- Rick, I can't leave now. We just started this new case, I'm stuck here." She had never before regretted her job, but up until now her job had never interfered with her personal life.

Sensing her frustration, Castle leaned in and lightly kissed her, whispering against her lips "We'll talk everyday... twice... three times a day." Laughing he saw her frown. "No, relax, we'll be okay. It's only two weeks, it will go by fast." they stared into each others eyes, neither believing what he said. It would be difficult to be apart, _especially now_.

Kate shrugged, resigned to their fate and responded, "I'll just go back to my apartment till you return."

"Why? You live here now."

"No, I don't Castle, I still have an apartment. Besides, I don't want to bother Martha and Alexis, it's their home, I' m here when you are, that's the deal."

As Kate got up from the couch, she winced slightly. Castle jumped up, grabbing her arm, "What was that?" he demanded.

Kate jerked her arm away, "Nothing, remember my side hurts sometimes. Drop it." Kate said irritated, not just about his concern, but also about how vulnerable she was. She turned so they were facing each other, both glaring.

"I'm fine. I'm going back to my apartment, period. End of discussion." The more she spoke the angrier she became. How dare he take for granted that she would stay in his house and wait for the big man to return. No way!

He put a hand on each shoulder, and Kate squirmed, trying to break his hold. The more she fought, the harder he gripped her. She refused to look at him, seething quietly. Now his voice began to rise,

"You are being ridiculous. Alexis! Mother! Can you please come here?_"_

"Rick, don't do this, stop it, _I mean it!_"

He yelled for his mother and Alexis again, still hanging on to Kate, knowing that if he let her go she'd run. He was infuriated with her, how could she think this wasn't her home?

The two other women appeared before them, apprehension in their features. It was clear that Kate and Castle were in the middle of a heated discussion.

"Richard, what's up?" Martha asked as she placed a hand on his shoulder, looking at Kate who was clearly upset.

"Yeah, what's up, Dad?" Alexis was also looking back and forth, her eyes widening, as she took in the scene in front of her. _Wow,_ they were mad.

"Please, Rick, no, don't do this!" Kate implored him to stop, still trying to break his hold.

"I've got this!" He stated forcefully, his anger rising and hers nearly exploding, yet she held her tongue.

Turning to his mother and daughter he explained. "I have to go out of town for a couple of weeks, pre-release promos for my new book and maybe a new book deal. Kate is stuck here working and she thinks she should go back to her apartment."

"Absolutely not!" Martha interrupted, "she lives here. In fact, I want to know why she hasn't officially moved in here yet."

Stunned, Kate looked at the three of them, as she shook her head, suddenly feeling out of control and off balance. The fight in her was quickly dissipating as she lowered her gaze and stared into the carpet.

"OK Mother, thank you, I'm... we're working on our relationship' Rick cut Martha off as he shook Kate's shoulders gently, "Look at me," his head dipped down trying to catch her eyes.

"No, Rick, it's OK, she only wants to help. Martha, it's not him, it's me, I'…I-I'm not sure I'm ready for such a life change. I just need a little time," her voice was stilted, as she tried to explain something she didn't quite understand herself.

Martha was immediately apologetic. "I'm sorry, kiddo, it's just that Richard has finally returned to the man he was before last summer. It was a hard time, for all of us, but now you _are_ here, right where everyone wants you to be. I understand that you and he still have some issues to work out, but, well, that's life. You understand?"

Kate nodded, still not looking up. Rick's grip on Kate had gentled, and he slid his hands down her arms to hold her hands lightly.

"Now, back to the question at hand, Alexis and I want you here, we would love to have you, so please stay. Besides, think of the fun we can have with him gone." Martha's eyes sparkled, full of mischief as she waived towards her son.

Her enthusiasm calmed Kate's nerves and she smiled back at Martha, before looking to Alexis, who was nodding in agreement. Castle released his hold on Kate and fell to his knees.

"Pllllllease stay," Castle whined, his hands clasped in a prayer gesture.

Kate began laughing. "Get up Rick, you're an idiot!"

Only if you say you'll stay?"

"Okay, I'll stay!" shaking her head and marvelling that it had taken so little to win her over.

(Paragraph break)

It started slowly, and with each touch the intensity grew as both of them realized they would be apart for some time. For tonight, it was all about them. Once they were both satisfied, they quickly drifted off to sleep, content in each other's arms.

Much later, Kate opened her eyes and watched at Rick as he slept. A small smile of contentment spread on her face, she loved him so much. Suddenly, panic gripped her. _She didn't deserve him._ She had left him alone for three months and lied to him, how could he ever forgive that! With this thought, her instinct was to run and her panic overtook her. As she moved, the pain in her side was so sharp she gasped and stumbled, but continued on, searching for her clothes.

Castle heard the commotion and opened his eyes sleepily, _what was Kate doing rushing around_? As he looked at her, he could see panic written all over her face. Oh no, no, no, no, no. Rick bolted from bed and clutched at her arm.

"Where do you think you're going?" he demanded.

"I can't do this, I'm so sorry. I don't deserve you, I'll only break your heart. We're both fooling ourselves to think this will ever work." Her words choking in her throat, came out in a rush of emotion.

"Hang on a minute Kate, you can do this, _we_ can do this. We'll make it work. You're not running away from me again. The only way you will break my heart is if you leave, get it? Or wasn't I clear enough today?"

Kate was starting to hyperventilate, the pain from her side immobilising her and dizziness engulfed her. Castle saw how she had paled. Uh-oh, he thought, she's going to pass out. He sat her down on the edge of the bed and put her head between her knees. He hadn't paid any attention to their state of undress, and right now it didn't matter. He squatted down, rubbing the back of her head. "Kate, take a deep breath and relax. What's brought this on?"

"Nothing", Kate raised her face, lying to him yet again. "I'm so sorry Rick..."

"Kate," he said gently, looking into her eyes, "listen to me. We may have a lot to work on, but it's nothing that we can't handle. We've experienced the worst and survived, to be here together now. When I return, I think we should go and talk to Dr. Burke together. What do you think?"

Still sitting on the edge of the bed, she frowned, closed her eyes and rubbed her hands together. Nodding, she said, "That may be a good idea. Dr Burke has wanted me bring you in, but I wasn't ready. I didn't know if you would want to go with me, it can be really tough and emotional, and I'm not very nice when I'm pushed," she laughed. "He doesn't let me hide." Kate looked at Castle, stunned that he would go through this with her. She realised she wasn't going to be able to hide or lie much longer.

"Good, that's settled. Now can we get back to bed? I'm freezing." She looked at Castle and noticing they were naked, she laughed, crawling back into bed. Wrapping her back in his arms, they drifted back to sleep.

They woke early and enjoyed a leisurely time caressing, exploring, and memorising each other, knowing their time together was limited, _for now_. They had fallen into an easy rhythm and could alternate from a slow pace to a frenzied passion, as he had learned what drove her crazy, and she could lead him off the cliff just as easily.

(Paragraph break)

Castle had only been gone three days and Kate was already exhausted. She hadn't wanted to admit that she wasn't one hundred percent before he left, knowing he would have cancelled his trip. She was spending long hours searching the murder board, trying to figure out who the killer was, and so far there were no leads. The victim was a 44 year old advertising executive, found in her office with her head bashed in. The CSU team had found little physical evidence of the crime, how was that possible? Kate found herself longing for one of Castle's crazy theories as she rubbed hands over her eyes and looked at the clock. It was after midnight and it had been another long night with nothing to show for her effort. The boys were long gone and she was lonely and just wanted to hear his voice. She picked up the phone, and dialled, but it went straight to voice mail. _Damn. _He was probably out with the publishers. She had found she couldn't sleep without him next to her., and her side had been waking her when she did manage to fall asleep. Each time she took a breath, she felt a burning sharp pain, which she knew was not a good sign, but she just kept pushing, hoping to get through.

Each evening Kate made sure she was home for dinner, as even though she had little appetite, she wanted to spend time with Alexis and Martha if she was there. But her focus was Alexis, as Kate knew she owed it to the young woman to show her she would not going to leave again. Once their time together was winding down in the evening, she would excuse herself and return the precinct.

As tomorrow was Saturday, Kate and Alexis were planning on going to the street fair on 45th & Lexington. She loved how Alexis had reminded her of the simple pleasures in life. Castle, and Martha, had done a beautiful job of raising this bright, witty and well grounded young woman.

She sighed and rubbed the back of her neck, as on top of everything else, she had a horrible headache. Too much caffeine perhaps, and not enough sleep. She was getting nowhere fast, but she shook her head, she had to stay and try to solve this crime. There would be time to rest after it was solved. Looking at her father's watch on her wrist, she realised it was 5:30 am, _maybe if she closed her eyes for just a few minutes_.

The alarm on her computer woke her at 8:00 am. Kate sat up, confusion on her features as she took in her surroundings. _Oh no._ Dialling the phone, she started talking as soon as she heard the connection.

"Hey Alexis. I...I'm stuck at the station, gotta take a rain check for today. I'm so sorry, I was really looking forward to it, we'll reschedule, OK?"

Kate could hear the disappointment in Alexis' voice, just as they had been making some progress in their relationship. Damn it!

Around midnight, she crept quietly into the loft. Seeing a red ponytail hanging over the couch, she smiled. Good, Alexis was still up watching TV. Kate slipped off her boots and slid down next to Alexis, "I'm sorry about today. This case has me baffled, and God, help me but I need your dad." she rolled her eyes, and they both chuckled. "You OK?" Kate asked, smiling as Alexis nodded and snuggled in. She had forgotten the wonderful feelings this type of closeness invoked. They sat together for a while, just watching TV, but when Kate felt herself falling asleep she slowly rose, leaned over and kissed the top of Alexis head. "Think I'll go to bed and call your dad." Alexis jumped slightly when she felt Kate's touch. Wow, she felt really hot.

Kate slipped into bed, digging into the covers, she was freezing. She hit favourites on her phone and he answered on the first ring. "Detective you've made my day."

"Hey", she replied, her voiced sounded tired and hoarse.

Instantly, Castle sensed something was awry. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she growled. "I'm just tired and I miss you and your wild theories Castle." She reviewed the case for him and asked, "Any wild theories, I'm up for anything."

"Hum let think on that, maybe she... " as he was talking, he realised it had gone eerily quiet.

"Kate? _Beckett_?" his heart jolting as there was no answer.

Castle immediately called his daughter, "Alexis, sorry it's late Pumpkin, but would you please go in and check on Kate, I think she went to sleep while we were talking."

Alexis walked in and Kate was asleep, her phone resting on her cheek. Alexis took the phone and shut it off. "She's out to it Dad. Kate's been working non stop. She comes home for dinner, but then leaves and doesn't come back until really late, if at all. She doesn't look good, and we're worried, she won't let us help her. Is she always this stubborn?" Castle chuckled, Alexis had figured out Kate fairly quickly, and he was impressed but not surprised.

"Keep an eye on her and I'll wrap this up as soon as possible."

Noise. Gunshots. Kate flew out of bed and collapsed on the floor, her side screaming. _What the hell?_ Her body was trembling and her mind was struggling to determine where she was. Kate placed her head on the bed, and she realized she was burning up. This was getting worse, but she couldn't stop now, she had to solve the case. Looking at the clock on the beside table, she realised it was 2:00 am. She groaned and sat for a few minutes, trying to gather enough energy to make her way back to the precinct.

(Paragraph break)

Kate had lost track of time, and was not sure what day it was. Her last meal was... she honestly wasn't sure. Martha had wanted to bring her something on Sunday night, but Kate had lied and told her she had already eaten. Her exhaustion had brought out cranky Beckett, who neither needed nor wanted help from anyone. She realized it was nearly 8:00 am Monday morning, _where were Esposito and Ryan_? Soon, they strolled into the precinct, laughing as usual.

"Keeping banker's hours boys?" She said sarcastically. "Come on, get moving Esposito, check out the neighbors; Ryan, her secretary. Someone had to see something. Get going, this case isn't going to solve itself."

"Beckett, we already did that."

"Well", she rubbed her hands on her face, "do it again!" She was tired and cranky and just wanted them to do what she asked!

Her headache had become excruciating, her side was screaming, her whole body throbbed. She was in desperate need of some water and gritting her teeth, she started walking towards the water cooler. Espo called out to her. _Why did he sound like he was in a tunnel._ As she turned to face him, everything became fuzzy and slowed down. Just as she realised she was going to faint, she collapsed.

When consciousness returned, she was lying on the break room couch, _how did that happen_? She opened her eyes, everything on fire, aching and her body shaking. She tried to get up, but was held down.

"Let me up, Esposito!" Kate attempted to swing at Esposito's arm, her rage keeping her conscious.

"No, you're staying there. Lanie's on her way."

Kate groaned and placed her arm over her eyes. Fine! She couldn't have gotten up even if she had tried. Voices continued to fade in and out, and Kate knew it was serious.

Hey, girlfriend what's up?" Lanie had arrived and knelt next to Kate's horizontal body.

"I'm just tired, let me up. I've been working long hours, Ok?"

Holding her down, Lanie got right into Kate's face, "Listen, you may be able to bully writer boy and these two fools, but not me! Fess up!"

Kate turned her head away, trying to ignore her friend. But Lanie wasn't about to give up, she grabbed Kate's face, turning it so she could look at her. What she saw made her stomach flip, Kate's face was flushed yet deadly pale and her eyes were lifeless. With one swift movement, Lanie raised Kate's top, her left side was red, hot to touch, and she pressed the angry flesh. Lanie's movement occurred so fast, Kate was unable to brace against the examination, and her touch resulted in a severe bout of discomfort. Kate's back arched and her body shivered, and she gritted her teeth, trying to remain silent but a groan slipped out. Kate's breathing became rapid and shallow as she recovered from the physical assault.

"You should go to the hospital, Kate."

"No, _please_, no, I can't, I can't go through that again. I can't, no, no, I-I... Kate's eyes were huge filled with tears, her face displaying the terror of the recent past events. Her body was shaking uncontrollably. Her illness had made her vulnerable to exposing her fears.

Lanie turned to Espo and Ryan, saying, "Get her home, now."

"No, I'm fine. Give me a minute", Kate argued weakly.

"Either you let them take you home or I'm calling an ambulance and you'll go to the hospital. Am I clear?" Lanie glared at her sick friend.

Kate glared right back, neither yielding. Yet Kate was too weak to continue the fight with Lanie, she knew she would lose.

"Espo, Ryan just take me home!" she snarled as she tried to rise.

When Ryan opened the door to the loft, both Martha and Alexis were standing in the entry. Lanie had called them and alerted them to the situation.

Kate stormed in, pushed past the boys, threw her coat on a chair, unsteady but determined. "I'm home, you satisfied?" Her voice raspy yet definitely irate. Her breathing hurt worse than ever.

The women simultaneously raised their eyebrows, staring at Kate. Espo quickly updated them, while Kate scowled at them the entire time.

"Great you've reported in, now leave." Her fury continued to grow. She hated being sick and helpless. Tears were filling her eyes. When had she become such a cry baby? The boys were just about ready to leave when Kate announced to all within ear shot, "I'm going to my apartment, I need to be alone!"

Kate turned on her heel, swayed slightly, her teeth clenched. Martha stopped her, one arm on her shoulder, using the other to feel her forehead.

"You're burning up, kiddo. Lanie called Dr Steiner and he is coming to see you.

The mention of her thoracic surgeon's name brought chills to her heart. "I don't need him. I'm fine. Let me go." Kate's frustration was mounting.

"No, you're not fine. You're staying here, got it?"

"I don't need to be taken care of!" Kate was shaking uncontrollably, all from sickness, fear and anger.

Martha's grip on her arm tightened, and Kate was unable to escape, not that she wanted to leave, she just didn't want anyone to see her like this. Something in Martha's tone made it through her feverish brain, and quietened Kate down.

Kate looked over at the boys, then over to Alexis. She knew everyone was concerned for her. As her anger left her, she felt her body again begin to collapse. She reached for Martha's arm, grasping at air. _Not again_, unable to fight the enviable, she felt herself being drawn back into darkness as she tumbled into Martha arms.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Dear Readers,**_

_**Here is the 7th Chapter of my story. This has some medical sections. I believed that we were "cheated" of some parts following Kate's shooting. So, I have taken the liberty to add some. I am an experienced Trauma ICU nurse, some my sections are based on real experiences. Please enjoy, and comment.**_

_**As, always, my thanks to those three wonderful, Beta Babes-Bree, Marjo, and the queen of traffic lights Stella. They make me a better writer and encourage me to continue.**_

_**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**_

_**Chapter 7**_

Martha had a tight grip on Kate's unconscious body and she had no intention of allowing her to fall to the ground. Pulling Kate into his arms, Espo carried her into Castle's bedroom where he gently laid her on the bed, all the while Kate never stirred or uttered a sound. Everyone had followed Esposito into the bedroom, and they were staring at their friend, watching her labored breathing, and noting the paleness of her skin as the severity of the situation registered with them.

"When did she get so sick?" Martha demanded as they left the room.

"We're not sure. This case is a tough one, and she's been at the precinct nonstop since Castle left. She takes these types of cases personally, always driving and working herself 10 times harder than anyone else. Castle's absence only compounds the problem and every morning she's been more irritable. Beckett thinks she can do everything and won't let us do anything for her." Espo shrugged as he finished speaking, obviously frustrated.

"I know, we've tried to take care of her, but she's not easy to help. Kate's too independent and stubborn for her own good!" Ryan added.

"No man, she's pigheaded!" Espo interjected. Ryan elbowed him and Espo glared back at Ryan "Well, she is. Her side has been bothering her more than usual, she can hardly turn or get up. Geez, Ryan tried to help her up and she pushed him away then nearly bit his head off!"

Martha patted both their faces. "You two are great friends, no wonder Richard speaks so highly of you. I don't want you to worry, Dr Steiner should be here shortly."

"Okay, call us if you need anything."

Returning to the bedroom, Martha saw that Alexis had begun removing Kate's clothes, and looking up at her grandmother, she remarked, "Grams, I'm really worried about Kate. What's wrong with her?"

"I don't know dear, but first lets get her into bed."

Kate was vaguely aware that her clothes were being removed, but was powerless to react. She recognized that her body was being supported and she was leaning against someone. She was being held up as her top was removed. Try as she might, she couldn't keep her head from rolling from side to side or open her eyes. Defenseless and unable to brace herself, she was soon naked and returned to the lying position. Feeling hands running over her scars, Kate heard a gasp. Castle was the only person who had seen and been allowed to touch the scars, but now someone else was exposed to her shame. Struggling, Kate was finally able to narrowly open her eyes. Seeing Martha and Alexis above her, she cried out, "No, please don't, Alexis, I'm so sorry, forgive me." The enormity of what they had just seen and experienced was as excruciating to Kate as the physical pain itself.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Their efforts to comfort Kate proved unsuccessful. Now in one of Castle's shirts, words eluding her, Kate extended her hand, grasping Alexis' fingers, her eyes pleading for the young girl's forgiveness before descending back into the darkness.

Martha started speaking before Castle finished answering his phone.

"Richard, there's a problem with Kate. She's fainted twice today, she's burning up and her left side is hot and red. Lanie said Kate nearly leapt off the couch when she was examined. She threw a fit when Lanie tried to send her to the hospital and refused to go so Lanie called Dr Steiner, and he'll be coming over after he finishes surgery."

"How long has she been sick? And why didn't anyone notice?" Castle was clearly agitated.

"Richard, you know better than anyone that Kate is a private person, and she'd never want to admit she wasn't well, even to us."

Castle calmed down, knowing she was right. Kate had a knack for keeping things to herself, often not in her own best interests.

"Let me talk to her."

"Ok, but she's not making much sense, between the hallucinations and nightmares, it's a little scary."

Martha lightly shook Kate, "Darling, Richard wants to talk to you,"

Desperately, Kate tried to hold the phone but it fell from her hand. Martha put the phone to her ear. "Ri-Rick, hey" Kate trying to sound tough, "I love you, when you coming home? I...I miss you." Kate's voice weak, her words slurring so badly he could barely make out what she was saying.

"Kate…Kate!" he yelled into the phone but there was no response, and fear overpowered him.

"Richard, she's out again. Her temperature is sky high. While we wait for the doctor, Alexis and I are going to try and cool her off." Martha responded.

"Call me after Steve comes. I'll be there as soon as I can, even if I have to highjack a plane. Mother, make sure she knows I love her and that I'm on my way."

Martha heard the terror in his voice. "Of course, darling."

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Alexis overheard the conversation and had gathered everything they would need to cool Kate off. Shuddering, Alexis remembered from her own childhood all too well how uncomfortable but necessary this process was. When everything was in place, they uncovered Kate and removed her soaked shirt. Once her shivering body was on the bath sheet, the cold, wet towels were briskly rubbed over her entire body causing Kate to gasp and try to elude the torture while begging them to stop.

After a time, her temperature was down slightly and the intensity of the shivering slowed, so they tucked Kate back into bed. Her breathing was getting worse and she coughed violently, spitting up rust colored sputum.

The doorbell rang, and Alexis ran to greet Dr Steiner and directed him to the bedroom. As his examination of Kate proceeded, he spoke, "Lanie called me and told me what she had found, and I think I know what's wrong. It's not uncommon in the months following such a severe injury to their chest, that victims can suffer a relapse. Kate's chest is filling with fluid which we refer to as a pleural effusion. It's very infective and must be removed as soon as possible. On top of that, her breath sounds are coarse ending with a squeak showing she's developed pneumonia with pleurisy." The Doctor smiled and shook his head recalling what a difficult patient Kate had been. "Believe me, I remember all too well her response to being hospitalized. The last time she left against medical advice. "However, we can do everything she needs right here, but I'll need your help."

Martha and Alexis nodded vigorously.

"Good, I figured as much. Firstly, I'm starting an IV. Alexis, I need you to hold her left arm still, she's very dehydrated and we need to get these IV fluids into her."

Kate's mind was spinning. She was unable to distinguish reality from fantasy. Someone was jabbing her side, some of the touches gentle but most awakened the pain. She vaguely could make out Martha's form, Alexis was stroking her face, what was this man doing? _Oh my God, it was Dr Steiner_! She was unable to move away, yet kept wriggling as much as she could. What,…ow, suddenly she was uncovered, her arms pulled over her head and secured to the headboard sending panic coursing through her body. Her struggling increased, to no avail. _Was she back in the hospital?_ Her fear elevated to terror, and she tried to kick her attackers, but her legs were pinned. She opened her mouth to scream but she could only whimper. Alexis' face floated into view, "_Shhh_, we have to get fluid out of your ..." Sharp pain in her left side distracted her and Alexis' words were lost. "Oh _God_!" She moaned, begging for the pain to stop. When the pain became too much, darkness again swept over her.

Her panic necessitated heavy medications, both relieving the pain and sedating her. With Kate now immobile, the doctor injected a small amount of local anesthesia into her left side above the 4th intercostal space. He explained each step as he performed it for Martha and Alexis. Believing that the local had deadened the tissue, he took a scalpel to her side and made a small incision approximately 1 inch in length and taking forceps he spread the skin open for better visualization. Selecting a 10 inch long catheter with a stylet that kept it stiff, he stuck it into Kate's side.

Explaining that he would be able to feel when he entered the fluid filled area, a smile emerged as he found the spot he was looking for. Asking Martha to hold the catheter in place, he withdrew approximately 400 milliliters of purulent, old bloody fluid from Kate's chest. He finished the procedure by closing the incision, suturing the tube in place and capping the end of the tube. Residual drainage was cleaned from Kate's side and the area covered with gauze. Now the procedure was complete, her restraints were released, and the three of them clothed her and tucked her in. After administering the first dose of antibiotics, Dr Steiner showed Martha and Alexis the additional medications and dressing supplies they would need, explaining to them.

"You both need to understand, she's very sick,. While I hope we got this in time, the next 36 hours are vital. Keep her still, drug her as much as you need. That tube _can't _come out. Good luck, as Kate is not a very cooperative patient. If you need me, call"

Martha's phone buzzed, and as she answered, she handed it to the doctor, "Rick wants to talk to you." Immediately, Steve could tell that Castle was frantic, so he spoke as calmly as he could. "It is serious," he said, "but I think she'll be okay with time."

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Later, Kate roused and tried to sit up. Each movement caused groans to slip from her lips and Alexis prevented her from getting up. Her eyes glassy from the sickness, pain and medications, and Kate tried to speak, but her words were garbled. Seeing her frustration rising, Alexis' tried to explain, however her efforts only made Kate more agitated, so Alexis resorted to deadening Kate's senses with drugs which returned her to the abyss.

Kate's next sensation was the overwhelming urge to pee. She began to peel off the covers, her body shaking from the exertion. Kate felt hands holding her back and through dry lips, croaked out, "Bathroom, please!."

With considerable help, she was up on very wobbly legs. She wasn't sure she could move, but to her surprise her body moved towards the bathroom, her eyes slightly open but still unfocused. Once in the bathroom, she sat down and leaned against the edge of the counter. After she finished peeing, it became apparent that between the tubes and her weakened state, she couldn't clean up. A sense of helplessness overtook her and tears welled in her eyes and slowly began to fall down her face. How she made it back to bed eluded her.

The next 24 hours were a blur to Kate. She intermittently felt hands lift her top and drain more fluid from her side which culminated with more pain. Fortunately, the painful events ended with a sense of floating as the drugs she was given took effect. Instinctively, she knew she was in good hands and safe.

"Kate, Kate, I'm here, it's going to be okay, I love you. Don't leave me again, please".

His tears fell on her face, and he wiped them away, as he dropped his forehead to rest on hers.

Castle's voice pulled her from the darkness, he was here, and her eyes opened slightly, a contented smile appearing. Her trembling hand reached up, and touching his cheek she whispered "_Castle_", before her eyes closed and she slipped into unconsciousness again. Lifting her into his arms, he realized he had nearly lost her again. _Why did this keep happening to them? _Continuing to clutch her to him, he feared that if he released her, she would fade away. Burying his face into her hair, Castle inhaled deeply, even sick, her smell made him tingle, she was his Kate.

Softly he laid her down, stroking her head, he turned to his mother and daughter, pulled his hands through his hair yet words failed him. He tried, but just couldn't express his gratitude towards these incredible women. The reality he had been holding back settled in, and his sobs started. Drawing both of them into his arms, they all wept as Martha and Alexis painstakingly told him everything. Describing Kate's nightmares, and screams. How they had to restrain her in order to care for her reliving how she had been at their mercy. Tears still falling, Martha told Rick how many times Kate had begged for him to forgive her, though they had been unable to ascertain what for. They'd never left her side, and Alexis had resorted to lying next to her in order to comfort her through her agonizing times. Kate's sleep was restless, only drugs bringing tranquility to her vanquished soul.

Martha and Alexis went to bed leaving Castle lying next to Kate, his arm brushing against hers. He was afraid to get to close and cause further pain, yet yearned to squeeze her tight. In the middle of the night, he woke and knew it was time to drain her tube. He was frightened of hurting her, but knew it had to be done.

He started the procedure by injecting her pain medication and sedation then carefully withdrawing the fluid until the flow stopped. Kate grimaced the entire time, griping the covers, taking deep breaths through her nose, but never uttering a word. This woman was tough, without question He performed this procedure every 4 hours for the next 2 days, Kate lying in bed, being pumped full of medications and the poison being pulled from her. Her drugged state prevented her from realizing the extent of what was being done for her. All she knew was that Castle was home, she was safe, and she could endure anything for him.

The Doctor came by and re-examined Kate, stating "She's better. This may take a while, are you guys still ok with doing this? It's a lot to do."

Castle looked to Martha, Alexis, and Lanie, all nodding in complete agreement.

One morning, not long after this visit, Kate woke up and tried to turn on her left side. Not having any success, she grumbled and wondered where everyone was? She really wanted to get up, but it wasn't going to be easy. After what felt like forever, she managed to struggle to her feet, and she was struck by how weak she had become. She tried to open a drawer to get some pants and socks, but there was no way she had enough strength. Kate frowned, deciding to forgo the pants and socks as she turned and began her trek towards the voices in the kitchen. Slowly she made her way out of the study. Murmuring "Hey", she was stunned at how weak her voice sounded, certainly not the badass cop she normally was.

.

"Hey, Babe, coming in to see us?"

"Trying," she snorted. Three sets of eyes watched her progression. Kate had her left arm tucked against her side and reached for furniture and wall sections with her right hand to support herself. Castle started to rise and assist her.

"I got this" she barked, a look of determination etched on her face.

She continued slowly, but then ran out of items to help her. She chewed on her cheek and looked around as she tried to decide her next move, realizing continuing without some physical assistance was unlikely. Looking up, her eyebrows raised, she asked "Help?"

Jumping up, Castle was by her side in an instant. Kate slapped his arm as he tried to lift her.

"No, just let me hang on to your shoulder."

"You sure?" Castle asked.

Kate chuckled, " Actually no, but let me give it a try!, okay?"

After what seemed like an eternity, she made it to her destination and collapsed in the chair. Noticing Kate's scantily clad body, Castle mouthed to Alexis, get some pants and socks. Returning from the bedroom, Alexis handed Castle the items. Observing the pass, Kate raised an eyebrow in a query.

So you don't like my attire?" she asked coyly.

"Just think you could add to it." Castle knelt in front of her on one knee, this made her heart jump and her eyes widened in astonishment.

"Relax, I'm not proposing, _although_" he laughed as Kate smacked him "Seriously, I have to get some clothes on you, remember you're sick?"

Sliding the pants up over her knees and slipping the socks on, Castle brought her to her feet as Kate protested, "wait… not in front of everyone."

"Kate at this point, everyone has seen all of you so let's get it done, Okay?"

Blushing, she acquiesced and they got her pants in place.

"How does a smoothie sound?" he questioned gently.

"I'm not hungry." she replied determinedly.

"Let me rephrase that, you haven't eaten anything to speak of in over a week, so eat now or we'll have problems, understand?" Castle was not going to let her win this battle.

After finishing her smoothie, her reserve depleting rapidly Castle spotted Kate having a hard time staying awake.

"Kate lets get you back to bed."

"No way, I'm not going back in there! I'm done with being an invalid!" Kate was visibly frustrated with her perceived lack of progress.

"Dad, why don't we make her a nest on the couch?" Alexis suggested.

A warm smile spread across his face, "Great idea. Go get everything we need, pumpkin."

Kate was confused, "A nest?"

"You'll love it. Trust me", Castle leaned down, kissed the top of Kate's head.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The nest consisted of many pillows and blankets all tossed together. Settling into her nest, Kate thought it was heavenly as she drifted into a somewhat restful sleep. Occasionally she woke to peals of laughter, Castle and Alexis were helping Martha rehearse, and whatever was cooking smelled heavenly. Could life be returning to some sort of normalcy?

With each passing day, Kate's condition slowly improved;, the pain less intense, the fevers not as high, and the amount of the drainage decreasing. Of course, Kate was getting antsy, chomping at the bit to return to work. Sensing her frustration, Castle knew he was going to have to make some compromises in order to slow her down.

Kate's brain was starting to clear, and her strength was slowly returning, but she still shook when she got tired. She was intrigued, noticing she was actually weaker now than after her shooting, _how was that possible? _

One morning, she climbed out of bed, determined to get to the bathroom without help. Her journey was intercepted by Castle's arm encircling her waist for support.

"I got this, Castle, let me go! Jeez, give me a break! I can do this."

He released her but stayed close because she was still pale. Her forehead was damp from the effort, her jaw was set, good God! When did the bathroom get so far away? She frowned, realizing she wasn't as strong as she'd thought. Kate was almost there when her legs gave way and she started to fall. Castle swept her up, and she wrapped her right arm around him and buried her face into his shoulder.

"Okay, maybe I still need a little help," she murmured into his skin.

Castle chuckled, his detective was stubborn, and determined to a fault, one of the many reasons he loved her. Her efforts had cost her and she returned to bed exhausted, quickly falling to sleep.

A few days later, feeling confident of her progress, she asked that the procedure be done without any medication. Reluctantly shrugging, Castle proceeded as Kate requested. The burning started immediately, followed quickly by severe pain. Holding her breath and trying to shut out the sensations, Kate ultimately cried out "stop, please!" In between gasps she uttered, "Bad idea, really bad." Noticing her color paling, Castle was prepared for what came next. Nausea and dizziness overcame her, Castle leaned Kate's head towards the bucket he had strategically placed. Everything from her stomach emptied, she fell back spent and was totally drenched in sweat.

Castle started to berate her for thinking she could do this, but after looking at her face, saw she had suffered enough so he kept quiet. Without another word, he injected her medication. As she relaxed, he cleaned her up, giving her a kiss on the head, and tucked her in.

That night, they cuddled on the couch, pretending to watch a movie. Alexis was out with friends and Martha had returned to the theater. Kate was still weak and shaky.

"Rick, I've lost over two weeks of my life, tell me what happened. I really don't remember much after I passed out in the precinct" Kate asked.

Rick looked into her eyes, knowing she deserved an explanation, but not now. Her pride would take a hit when she was faced with everything that had occurred. He kissed her forehead, "Later, right now there's something more important I want to talk about", at his words and the tone of his voice, her stomach tightened.

"Okay." Closing her eyes she was terrified of what he was about to say.

"Kate, I don't want to live like this. I want you to move in here, lock stock and barrel. We'll change things around, make you some private areas. Whatever you want, but it's time to commit."

"Rick, I thought we were going to move slowly." This whole conversation was making her feel nervous and trapped. Licking her lips, she was trying to decide how to respond. _I really need to get up_, she thought, though when she tried to stand, her legs collapsed and she fell back on the couch. Castle watched her with a wry smile on his face. Kate could have her side opened up and insides exposed, but couldn't handle making a personal decision. Castle admitted to himself that wasn't fair, not until she was fully recovered.

"Kate, relax. You don't need any more pressure. We'll wait until you're stronger, _then_ I'll get my way." She looked over at him, his smile lighting up his face. His confidence was maddening, but cute.

"Kiss me, Rick."

He reached for her, his hand behind her head pulling her in until their lips met. He was very gentle, careful not to pull too hard. This was their real kiss since her illness and it did not take long for the heat to rise, and Castle was the first to back off.

"Not yet, my hot-blooded Detective. I want you at full strength."

Kate frowned, knowing he was correct.

"Ok, but let's go to bed. I need a serious case of Castle cuddling."

Running her fingers through his hair, Kate winked. Quickly, Castle stood and scooped Kate up. She swung her right arm around his neck, her left arm bracing her injured side as she slid her face into his shoulder.

He buried his head into her hair, "I love you." he said.

"Me too." Kate responded as she started to drift to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Dear Readers, our story continues. Our couple beginning a new chapter, more to come. Enjoy the ride, Love the comments**_

_**Always, my story is better because of my wonderfully gifted Betas-Bree, Marjo, and Stella**_

"Morning, Beautiful." Castle murmured as his lips lightly touched Kate's forehead.

Kate's eyes were still closed as she replied, "Morning", reaching her hand out and stroking his arm, _she loved the feel of his skin._

Placing the latte under her nose, Castle suggested "Thought you might like some of this. Steve said you could start drinking caffeine again."

"Hmmm, don't tease me." Opening her eyes, she saw the foam of the latte and quickly tried to sit up, but was stopped by the ongoing pain in her left side. _Ouch_, Kate's eyebrows furrowed in frustration as again the thought ran through her mind, _I'm sick of this!_

"Take it easy Kate, it's just coffee."

"Maybe to you, but I've been deprived for weeks. It's a wonder I haven't died from lack of caffeine."

"Oh so dramatic, maybe I should take this away", pulling the cup out of reach his eyes twinkling in merriment.

Kate growled. "Don't make me shoot you, hand it over. Now!"

"No need to be so mean," Castle sheepishly replied, handing over the cup.

After taking her first sip, she leaned back and closed her eyes, thinking this is what heaven must taste like. She had missed this so much, or was it _who_ delivered it that she had missed? As her eyes opened, she ran her finger around the rim of the cup and recalled how coffee had become their ritual. Kate had understood for a while now that each time he brought her coffee he was saying I love you, but neither had been willing to admit it. _They had lost so much time._

"Gimme a kiss, Rick," she said, smiling at him.

As their lips met, both felt the connection and power of the moment. Castle backed off, aware that physically Kate was still too weak. He would have loved to lie next to her all day, but they had too much planned for today.

"Alexis is making breakfast - your favorite egg white frittata, though how you two stomach those I'll never understand", Castle stated, ending with a look of disgust.

"At least, we know you won't eat all of it," she shot back.

Standing up, Castle reached his hand out to Kate. She started to push him away, but realized that she was still a little off balance and weak. Taking his hand and clutching her left side, she climbed gently out of bed and headed to the bathroom, her lips pursed in annoyance at her continued weakness.

"Hey," Castle called after her. "Wait till you see what I've set up for you today, you'll love it."

"I seriously doubt it!" she retorted, immediately suspicious.

"Come on, Kate, have a little faith."

She was in no mood to play, yet on seeing Castle's puppy dog eyes looking hopefully for praise and adoration, her tone softened, "Let's see the surprise."

Entering the bathroom, Kate noticed that there was a chair in the shower.

"What's that for?" She inquired.

"Thought you might like to have a real shower for a change."

"Funny, Castle. You know I can't get this wet." Kate looked down and gesturing towards her tube.

"No, No, I'm serious. Look I changed the shower head, its completely moveable, sprays in every direction."

"Every direction?" She asked seductively.

"Kate, I'm trying to help. Keep your mind on the task at hand."

"Really, Castle, it is a lovely thought, but I can't have a shower. Doctor's orders, remember?"

"I talked to him and all I have to do is wrap some plastic around you. Do I have your attention yet, Detective?" he replied smugly.

"More than you'll ever know." Kate responded sighing.

As Castle helped Kate wiggle out of her top, she was soon standing naked in front of him, surprisingly unembarrassed. Surveying her body in its current condition broke his heart, as Castle was struck by how painfully thin Kate had become. His resolve to activate his plan only intensified, he was determined to help her regain her strength and physical toughness.

Wrapping plastic around her middle, he turned on the water, and then took off his clothes.

"What do you think you're doing?" Kate noted with astonishment.

"You can't do this alone. I'm your body wash boy, like a cabana boy only better." Clearly pleased with himself, he pulled her into the shower.

A little while later sitting in the chair, Kate realized Castle was right, she wouldn't have been able to stand by herself. She would never admit it to him, though it would only make him more insufferable.

The warm water ran over her body for the first time in weeks. She tried washing her left side, but was making a mess of it. Castle took the washcloth gently from her.

"Kate, let me. It will be faster and more enjoyable." He said hesitantly.

When she didn't protest, he quickly and expertly cleansed her body. Having his hands all over her body was nearly more than she could bear, but what thrilled her most was having her hair shampooed. The memory of the first time he shampooed her hair brought back such delicious memories.

Not wanting those feelings to end, Kate kept her eyes closed only opening them when the flow of water stopped. Reaching down and kissing her shoulder, he spoke softly to Kate. "Time to get dry, breakfast should just about be ready."

Leaving the shower, Kate's legs began to shake and noticing her tremors, Castle guided her to the edge of the tub and quickly dried her off. He followed suit and soon both were dressed and ready for breakfast.

"Rick, thank you that was sweet, I-I really appreciate it." Kate spoke reticently, hating the fact she had to rely on anyone for help. He looked away, smiling as he knew exactly what she was going through.

"And it was fun too", he grinned and received a smack for his efforts.

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

Sliding the frittata out of the pan, Alexis turned saying, "Just in time."

"It smells wonderful Alexis, thanks", Kate said, giving her a hug before sitting down.

Alexis had come to mean a lot to Kate over the last few weeks, and she liked to think it was the same for Castle's daughter.

"I'm really looking forward to getting this torture device removed and heading back to work. I've fallen behind and hate not being in the middle of a case." Kate declared without comment from either companion. _Wow, how interesting_, Kate thought, noticing that neither of them said anything, they didn't argue with her nor agree. Just silence, _what was going on_?

After breakfast, Castle suggested Kate rest before they left for the appointment. Kate gave him one of her narrow angled stares, the one that usually froze him, but not today.

"Be reasonable. You have two hours before we have to leave for the doctors. Don't you want to look your best and impress him with how well you're doing?"

Stopping momentarily, Kate was acutely aware that her morning activities had tired her out, but wouldn't admit it. Maybe a little nap wasn't such a bad idea.

"Ok, but only in the nest."

"Sure," he chuckled.

The nest had become Kate's safe haven. It's where she spent most of her waking moments, talking with friends, reading, napping, and watching TV. As she was settling down, Castle sensed her restlessness and continual pain, and tried to hand her a couple of pills. "Here take these," he said.

"No Way." Kate pushed his hand away. "I don't need those."

"Kate, we can do this the easy way or the hard way, though the hard way could be fun", a slight smirk appeared for a moment before he returned to serious. "It's going to be a long hard day. So take them. Please."

Remembering that smirk, and vowing to knock it off his face when she was stronger, she answered him. "Okay, you win, unfairly, but you win." With that she downed the pills and settled in, busily watching Castle and Alexis clean the kitchen as her eyes closed.

"Kate, _Kate_, time to get up. Dr. Steiner will be waiting." Rick gently rubbed her arm, trying to wake her.

"What time is it?" She asked, blearily opening one eye.

"You have about 15 minutes to get gorgeous and then we have to go to the doctors."

"Damn it Castle, I need more time than that."

"This is not a formal occasion," he reminded her. Castle was maddening, but right.

Alexis' hand appeared and Kate grasped it, then they disappeared into the bedroom. Within a few minutes they reappeared, Kate dressed and her hair braided.

Watching Kate coming into the entry with her hair braided, Castle was blown away at how young and innocent she looked, taking his breath away.

"Castle you're staring. Do I look that bad?"

"No, no," he hurried to reassure her. "You just took my breath away for a second, have I told you today that I love you." As their eyes met, their feelings for each other merged, leaving them both smiling.

"By the way, no boots today, flat shoes only. You need stability, not height. Give me your hand, Cinderella."

"Castle, you're such an idiot." Kate responded, but allowed him to support her as she slid her feet into the shoes.

Sitting on the doctor's exam table, Kate's nerves were getting the best of her and the reality of her condition was setting in. Initially she thought that once the tube was removed that she would be free to resume her life, but her continuing weakness and discomfort told a different story. The backless gown let in cold air and she started to tremble. Without a word, Castle wrapped a blanket around her and attempted lay her down. Initially a complaint rose in her throat, but was never spoken as she looked up into his hardened gaze and decided to succumb instead, permitting him to assist her to a reclining position.

When the door opened, she reached for Castle's arm to sit up.

"Kate, stay there, I have to examine you anyway, " the Doctor stated as he gently turned her to her back, uncovering her left side and carefully removing the dressings, to begin his exam. Her side had lost most of its fiery redness and projected less heat. He waited a moment and then pressed firmly onto her side, and Kate was taken by surprise, flinching and uttering a gasp. Gripping his arm, she remarked, "I wasn't ready for that, you surprised me." Both men smiled, of course, Kate couldn't help but offer an excuse for her reaction.

Once the Doctor was done, he covered her back up, and they helped her to a seating position. Castle sat next to her, providing her with physical support that he knew she needed as she leaned into him.

Dr. Steiner clasped his hands, preparing himself for the conversation to come.

"Ok, it's not completely healed, but its better. Want that tube out?

"Of course, that's why I'm here." Kate replied with a sneer.

"Then we need to talk, I told you…"

"If it's better what is there to talk about? Take it out and I'm gone." Kate's ire was growing, as she just wanted to get on with it.

"It's not quite that simple." Dr. Steiner replied, not backing down.

"You put it in, how hard can it be to take out?"

Castle wrapped his arm around her. "First, let him take to tube out, then I'll help you get dressed and he can talk to us".

Us? Why _us_? What was going on here? Suddenly all of the secret looks and silent glances sunk in, and Kate could tell by looking at their faces that she wasn't going to like what he had to say.

"Fine, get it done."

"Kate, I need to irrigate and flush the tube getting the fluid as clear as possible before I can remove it. It will be uncomfortable as well as painful. I need you to take this pain medication.

"Forget it, I'm tired of feeling like a zombie, just do what you need to do."

Dr. Steiner shrugged, "OK, if you change your mind..." she waved him off before he could finish.

Again lying on the exam table, Kate was dreading the procedure, but determined to get through it without drugs. Castle shook his head, _she could be_ _so stubborn_, but the look on her face brooked no arguments. Her left side was uncovered and her arm secured above her head. This brought a queasy and dizzying sensation; she _really _did not like being restrained for anything. Closing her eyes and taking some deep breaths, she tried to compose herself. Castle leaned over, whispering in her ear, "I'm here, you can do this," as Dr. Steiner began the procedure.

"Oh God", escaped her lips as the pain and burning hit her. Gritting her teeth, throwing her head back as tears fell down her cheeks, her grip on Castle's hand tightened and her hand became wet with sweat. Castle continued to lean into her face, his voice whispering soothing words she couldn't recall. The words were unimportant, it was the sound of his voice that kept her focused. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, Dr. Steiner was finished and the area dressed.

"When you're ready, I'll meet you in the office," he informed them as he left the room.

Suggesting that she take a minute to recover, Castle recognized Kate's need to regain control and several minutes past before her eyes opened. He could see they were slightly glazed over with pain, but mostly filled with fatigue.

The fatigue was wearing on Kate, which only served to annoy her, _who did they think they were?_ If she was fine she was done with this. What was there to talk about? She'd left once against medical advice, and she could do it again.

Reading her mind, Castle stared her straight in the eye, stating emphatically

"Don't even think about ignoring this or leaving. Am I clear?"

Tears of exasperation welled up in her eyes, and "Yes" was her only response.

Sitting down back in the office, Kate's stomach was again queasy as she wondered what the Doctor could possibly have to say. Castle's hand came over and clasped hers, giving her strength as Dr. Steiner started to speak.

"Kate, I'm not going to beat around the bush. Last year you almost died. Your heart stopped twice. Extraordinary measures kept you alive and pulled you through. You left before you were completely healed and Rick's told me how you have to fight to keep going some days. You weren't ready to go back to work then and you're still not ready now."

"Work is all I know, it's who I am. Without it I'm lost!" Kate's voice was edgy with desperation .

"Kate, your work doesn't define you, you're so much more than that," interjected Castle.

Dr. Steiner continued. "This time, you were so run down you became extremely ill and almost died _again_. Your fainting was the best thing that could have happened because it alerted everyone to your illness and prevented yet _another_ close call. You are reckless with your health and you take your body for granted. Your white count is still elevated, which means there is still an infection in your system, your body is run down and you are anemic. However, it is your X-ray that remains the most concerning factor. The pleural effusion decreased enough to remove the tube, but there is still fluid in the area which indicates ongoing inflammation with possible long term scarring, and perhaps will be something you will have to manage for the rest of your life. Since I flushed out your pleural space, you need to expect more pain and high fevers for about a week, as irrigating the tube releases micro seeds of bacteria throughout your system. So please, be kind to yourself."

"Kate, you promised that you were committed and here to stay. You need to consider the people that love you. We…_I_ can't lose you, not again," Castle begged her, grasping her hand so tightly it physically hurt.

Moistening her lips, Kate looked first at Dr. Steiner, appreciating his honesty. Remembering how weak she had been when she fled the hospital, how fearful of what Rick had said at the cemetery and how confused it had made her, she understood she had been reckless last summer, foolhardy even. But now everything was different. Her hands gripped Castle's as her eyes rose to see the concern and uncompromising love in his. She didn't blame him for doubting her, she knew she wasn't easy to handle, yet he seemed to have moved beyond that. She sighed and reaching up ran her hand down his jaw, smiling at her writer.

"Okay. I'll do whatever I need to, I promise." Kate stated with resignation, ready now to await her fate. Both the doctor and the writer sighed at her statement.

"First, you can't return to work for at least three months, maybe longer. No heavy exercise for 6 to 8 weeks. I'm giving you another round of antibiotics, and your side will continue to hurt for an extended period of time, so don't fight it, take the pain pills. You need to eat better and gain some weight. You also need to bring your stress levels under control." Dr. Steiner advised concisely.

Three months… Three months was too long. What on earth would she do with herself for _three months_?

Castle waited patiently as Kate worked her way through the news, and continued to try to come to terms with her situation.

"Kate, I have a plan."

Kate chuckled as she looked at her partner, "Of course you do and it's probably a whopper."

"I am pretty proud of it, yes. We go to my house in the Hamptons; it's beautiful this time of year and right on the beach. I have a room we can set up for physical therapy and anything else Steve wants you to have. Alexis and mother can come and see us on weekends. Our friends can visit as well. I signed the new book deal, so I'll write, and you can read, critique my work, whatever. Then _you'll_ come back stronger and tougher than before, and _we'll_ come back together. So, what do you think? Cool, huh?"

All Kate could do while he was proudly presenting his grand plan was to stare at him and shake her head. She realized in that moment that there was nothing that this man would not do for her, and the least she could do was meet him halfway.

"Castle, this may be one of the craziest, most bizarre, yet loveliest ideas you've ever come up with. So, now what?"

Both Dr. Steiner and Castle were somewhat taken aback at the ease with which Kate had agreed to the whole situation.

"First, we go to the precinct and talk to Captain Gates." Castle revealed gently.

Kate visibly paled at the thought of admitting to Gates that she needed more time to recover.

Dr. Steiner was the first to speak. "Victoria is a very compassionate person, she will be on board with this. We are old friends and I've already sent her my official recommendation."

"_You_ know Captain Gates?" She asked incredulously.

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

During the elevator ride up to the precinct, Kate was filled with trepidation, her eyes closed while she focused on gathering enough energy to get through the coming confrontation. The ding of the elevator announced their arrival to the 12th precinct and Castle used his hand on Kate's back to softly nudge her towards the door.

"Castle, maybe we should come back later."

"Nuh-uh, no turning back now." Noting what little color she had previously had now completely left her face, he whispered, "You're tired, Kate, take my arm and I'll make sure you stay up., Ok?"

"OK," Kate agreed, squeezing Castle's arm.

Ryan and Espo came running over to Beckett. "What a surprise, Beckett, whatcha doing here?" they both chimed together.

Kate's face stilled as her jaw set and her eyebrows rose. "Hi. Sorry boys, looks like I have to take some time off," she stuttered as she continued, "maybe 3 months, so I've got to talk to Gates."

"What? You're not coming back?" Both were obviously stunned. Beckett was their glue, their boss, but they knew enough not to push, particularly after getting the head shake from Castle.

"Check with you later," Ryan expressed.

Esposito was more direct, "Castle you take care of her, you don't want me to come after you."

Then they both disappeared back into the bullpen.

Knocking on Gates door, they heard a brisk "Enter" and Kate took a deep breath, looking up at Castle as her grip on his arm tightened.

As they entered Gates' office, Beckett began "Sir, I need to talk to you."

"Detective Beckett, Mr Castle, sit down please," The Captain said, gesturing towards the chairs.

"That's OK Sir, I'll stand. Ummm, Sir. It looks like I have to ask for another 3 months medical leave, maybe more. I-I'm..." Stammering Kate was barely able to get through the admission.

"Detective, let me help here by saying I really do understand thanks to Dr. Steiner's report. You have been through hell, twice now. I want you back, but only when you're 100 per cent fit to be here."

"Sir, I don't know when that will be…" Kate's voice caught, emotion overcoming her. Taking a deep breath she struggled for control, she couldn't breakdown now, not in front of Gates.

"Enough, Kate, your desk will always be here. Come back when you can."

Kate's mouth dropped open and she was speechless. The Captain's response had stunned her and her only retort was "Thank you, Sir."

Riding the elevator down, all remaining energy drained from Kate as she fell against the handrail, fighting to remain upright. Gripping her waist, Castle whispered "stay with me Kate, stay with me." Kate's face turned sharply to look at Castle, those words again haunting her and her mind fading. It took everything she had to remain conscious.

As the door to the car opened, Kate sank into her seat. She was emotionally and physically spent and her body began trembling as her fever rose and the pain spiked. Watching his love, her vulnerability overwhelmed him and he knew getting his Kate back was going to take time.

Arriving at the loft, Kate was clutching tightly to Castle's arm. Between the fatigue, fever and pain, she was barely on her feet. Castle hesitated, and then leaned down to pick her up.

"Do not pick me up, I mean it." She ground out between clenched teeth. Having broken out in a sweat, Kate was busy eyeing her goal, and her words were hushed, "The nest. Please."

They got there, just as Kate's legs began to fold. Ignoring her plea, Castle lifted her up and helped her get settled. Fighting to stay awake, all Kate could do was shake and think to herself, _what a day_.

"Here take these" Rick asked as he handed her some pain pills which this time she willing swallowed Castle leaned in, kissed her neck and whispered, "you need to rest love, we'll talk later."

Grabbing his lapel before he left, she murmured "Rick, thank you for today. Seriously."


	9. Chapter 9

As Kate slowly opened her eyes, she caught sight Alexis curled up on the end of the couch which brought a smile to her face. "Hey" she directed towards Alexis, her voice still raspy from sleeping.

'Kate's awake, Dad." Alexis called out.

"Well, Detective, welcome back. Are you hungry?" Castle called from the kitchen.

Crawling out of the nest with Alexis' support, Kate verbalized softly, "thanks, love," as they headed to the kitchen with their arms intertwined, "let's see what Chef Rick has created", she winked at her companion.

Interrupting his cooking, Castle reached over and gave Kate a kiss. "Better?"

Kate met his eyes "Think so, still trying to wake up." Castle's eyes narrowed, trying to ascertain if she was being truthful, and seeing no obvious signs to the contrary, he returned to cooking.

After dinner, Martha and Alexis cleaned the kitchen, while Kate and Castle retired to the living room.

"Big day, my friend. You did really well today, I'm proud of you", Castle said, rubbing his fingers over her jaw line.

"Thanks, it turned out differently than I had hoped, but..." Clearly disappointed, Kate shrugged and looked down not quite sure what else to say.

"Kate, why don't we talk about my plan. Are you ready?" Grinning, Castle was anxious to share, his face glowing with excitement.

Kate was a little more reticent, but nodded affirmatively.

"The house has everything we need and then some. All we have to do is pack our clothes and any toys we want. Easy, right?"

"Hold on, cowboy. It isn't that simple! What about my apartment? My bills? My responsibilities? I can't just walk away from everything. I won't be working for three months..._three months._ Where am I... " , words alluded Kate as fear of what the future might bring overtook her.

"Calm down, I have thought about all of that, just listen."

Kate's frown only deepened and her stomach flipped as she dreaded what he was about to say.

"I love you, Kate. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I..."

"Rick, stop right there. It's not that easy, there is still so much we have to work on. Emotionally I'm still a wreck., I...", Kate's voice vibrated with panic.

"Shhh," Castle placed his fingers on her lips, "We can do this, do you love me?"

"You know I do, but..." The expression on his face was so sincere and trusting which caused her heart to tighten and she couldn't lie to him one more minute.

"Rick, there is something I have to tell you", her voice catching, she was terrified that he would end up hating her and tears formed in her eyes, but she had to continue. He deserved the truth. "I...I lied to you." Finally, she had admitted it. Kate looked down at her hands, afraid to look into his eyes.

"What are you talking about?" Castle demanded.

"Last summer, at the cemetery, I remember everything; the sound of the shot, you trying to push me away, the pain and burning as the bullet hit me", as she relived that fateful day her hand instinctively went to her chest. "Each word you said to me is etched in my mind." Taking a deep breath, biting her lip, she stared into his eyes and then a sob caught in her throat as she strained to continue, "You said 'Kate, shhh. Stay with me, Kate. Don't leave me please. Stay with me, Ok? Kate, I love you. I love you Kate' then your eyes begging me to stay as your tears fell on my face and everything faded." Her last words came out in a tortured whisper and her body began to tremble. She raised her eyes to meet his, she feared she would see outrage and disdain on his face, but for once, Kate could not read his face.

"Why did you lie to me?" his voice was calm, but hard.

"Castle, I'm no good at this, you _know_ that. You told me, that night in my apartment, that I hide in no where relationships with men I don't love. I keep myself walled off from everyone important to me, afraid of getting hurt. I've used my mother's murder to hide from the world. I let her murder define me, drive me." She halted momentarily, took a deep breathe and began again.

"I'm still dealing with the aftermath of the shooting, still haunted by nightmares. You saw what happened to me on the sniper case, and while Dr. Burke and I continue to work on this, I never let myself believe you really loved _me_. I had fallen in love with you long before the shooting, but I just couldn't admit it. Rick, I" She stopped speaking, reacting as Castle got up from the couch.

He walked to the window, leaning on the sill he looked out over the city. His silence broke her resolve, and Kate truly feared she had gambled and lost. When faced with the truth, he just couldn't forgive her. She rose from the confines of her nest and her body swayed, laden with despair. Kate felt totally drained physically, and was now drowning in the emotional upheaval. She had to leave while she still could, and setting her jaw, she started to moved slowly. Looking over, she saw Martha and Alexis with tears in their eyes. "I'm sorry", she mouthed the words and looked down with shame as she continued her walk. Alexis started to move towards Kate, but her grandmother stopped her. "This is something they have to handle, my dear." The door seemed miles away, yet somehow she reached her goal and tried to open it. A hand prevented it from opening and Castle's voice cut through her fog, "Where do you think you're going?"

"Not sure, I was just leaving," her voice filled with regret and trepidation. This man had infiltrated ever part of her life and the thought of losing him was unbearable.

Castle's arms encircled her waist. He buried his head in her hair and whispered "You realize you don't have any shoes on, right?"

Looking down, she saw her bare feet and she shook her head in disbelief.

Turning Kate to face him, Castle was struck at how completely fragile she was. He raised her face so he could look into her eyes.

"Kate, I knew you were lying, I just wasn't sure _why_. Am I happy that you lied to me -,absolutely not, - but that was a different time and we were different people. You're not going anywhere, Kate Beckett, I won't let you. We're in this together, now and forever." His lips touched hers softly, communicating his pledge. With this kiss, Kate collapsed in his arms with relief and no longer able to hold back the tears, Castle swept her into his arms and headed towards the bedroom.

After watching Kate's tortured confession and attempted departure, Martha and Alexis had remained silent as they feared the worst. Carrying Kate past them, they both breathed a sigh of relief, and knew that everything would be okay.

Once in the bedroom, Castle placed Kate on the bed, and held her until her sobs had finally diminished. He gently undressed her, climbed into bed next to her and gently placed the covers around them, pulling her whimpering body into his. As he stroked her body in an effort to soothe her, he spoke into her ear, "Kate, we're survivors, we'll get through this."

"Forgive me?" Kate stammered.

"Of course I do. You're exhausted and still sick."

"Stay with me", she whispered, barely audible as she fell asleep.

Once Castle was sure she wouldn't stir, he returned to the living room. Seeing him, Martha and Alexis jumped up and ran to hug him.

Martha was the first to speak. "My God, that poor child. She has suffered so much. Richard, what can we do?"

"Kate needs rest and time to heal. Today's events have taken a toll on her and I want to see Dr Burke in the morning, before she and I see him together. Can either of you stay with her. I don't want her to be alone?"

"Of course, darling. Now are you going to share your plan with us?"

"I have to tell Kate first. This may be tough, but I think my Castle charm can sell it", a smirk spread across his face, and with that he said goodnight.

It was the middle of the night, when Kate was awakened by the pain. Unable to sleep, her mind started spinning with what had transpired. Getting up gently, she wrapped Castle's robe around her. Her fever was up again, her head was pounding and her side screaming in pain as she shuffled into the living room, heading straight to her nest.

What was she going to do? Before her confession, Castle had started explaining his plan. Give up her apartment? What would she do for money? He had said they would be together forever, but _how_? The questions kept forming and the answers were notably absent. She ran her hands through her hair, and then covered her face. Kate felt so horrible she couldn't think straight, and tears glistened in her eyes. _Well, badass Detective, what are you going to do now?_ She pondered before her thoughts were interrupted as Castle slid next to her.

"Hi, what's up?" as he pulled Kate into his arms.

"Not sure…" she shrugged.

"Kate, everything is out of sync, but it will get clearer in time. I'm tired, lets go back to bed." His sleepy face won her over and smiling she sighed, "Okay, help me up?"

"Uh-huh," standing up, he had her in his arms before she could protest.

Waking in the morning, Kate realized she was alone. Crawling out of bed, she threw some sweat pants on and went in search of the family. In the kitchen, Martha was pouring coffee and talking to Alexis about their plans for the day.

"Morning Ladies." Kate announced as she entered the kitchen. Both women came and wrapped their arms round her,

"We love you, Kate", Martha and Alexis simultaneously said, starting tears flowing from all three.

"I'm so sorry for what I put you through, I know lying has hurt all of us. I'll make it right. I promise..."

"Shhh, Kate, there is nothing to apologize for. You belong with us, never doubt that"

They were still in a mutual hug when Castle strolled into the kitchen. He stopped in his tracks when he saw them. _Wow, my favorite women in a giant hug._

As the three faces turned to him, he saw the remnants of tears on their faces as well as the prolonged look of anguish on Kate's face. Walking over he joined in the hug, kissing all three, and then announcing "I'm hungry who wants pancakes?"

Martha recovered first, "All of us, so get busy. Kate needs her coffee."

"What about me?" he whined.

Waving her hands, Martha shot back, "You're a big boy. Get your own."

Wrapping her arm around Kate, Martha understood her need to regain composure and guided her towards the coffee pot. As she poured her coffee, Kate leaned in and kissed her cheek, whispering "Thank you, Martha."

Squeezing her arm, she turned back to Castle, "Now Richard, if you want coffee there it is."

During breakfast, they planned out their day. Castle had an appointment he needed to keep. Martha said she was going to work on refining her one woman show and Alexis was home working on a project for her business class. As they painstakingly outlined their schedule for the day, a slow grateful smile spread on Kate's face. She may not be one hundred per cent, but she could tell a fabrication when she heard it. It was obvious that the root of this discussion was to keep an eye on her and she was touched they were, and had to admit she was glad for the company.

Kate rose and started clearing the table when Alexis stopped her, "Oh no," Alexis said, that's my job."

"But, I can..."

"No way, I'll be done in a few minutes"

Sensing Kate's frustration, Castle interrupted, "No offense, but you're likely to take so long, lunch could be delayed and you know how I like to eat on schedule."

"Very funny, ha,ha", Kate came back, waving a finger in his face.

Grabbing her waving hand, he opened her palm and kissed it.

"What was that for?" She asked, removing her hand from his grasp.

You waving that finger at me was adorable, I couldn't resist."

Kate gave Castle an eye roll, bringing a smile to his face. Glimpses of his Kate beginning to re-appear sent chills down his spine.

Castle and Kate returned to the bedroom to clean up. After a prolonged mutual washing, they exited and started drying each other. Astutely, he noticed Kate s hands were shaking so he gently took her towel saying, "Here let me finish, you sit down."

"No, Rick, I can do this." the frustration apparent in her tone.

"Let me, I love this part."

Castle became lost in his task, and his expression emitted such love that Kate leaned in and kissed him passionately. She pulled away, raised an eyebrow seductively and asked, "Any chance for a little...?"

"As much as it pains me to say it, Dr Steiner said no hard exercise for a while and believe me my dear, _when_ we resume, it will be rough and tumble. So, for now, we are restricted to kissing only."

While Kate understood the situation, her displeasure was evident. "Ok, but know when we get the green light you will need all, and I mean _all, _your strength, understand Writer boy?"

"Oh, yes I do, and believe me I will be ready", he confirmed, bringing her to her feet, "It's time to get dressed, you're getting cold."

"Only on the outside", she murmured huskily, running her hands through his hair, "in here", touching her chest and looking deep into his eyes, "it's an inferno."

As they left the bedroom, Castle watched Kate, noticing her face had paled, and her eyes were bright. He placed his hand on her forehead, "You're hot."

"You have no idea", as she attempted to sidestep his inquiry and make light of her condition.

"Remember, no hiding. How do you feel?"

"Maybe a little rocky, but I'll be fine," she answered as honestly as she could.

"Why not climb into your nest and I'll get some medicine."

"Really, do I have..."

"Kate, what did Steve say?"

"Alright, fine - bring them on. In fact the more the merrier!" Waving her arms weakly, she made light of her predicament.

Once she was settled, Castle delivered her pills. "Kate, I need to go to my appointment, I shouldn't be longer than a couple of hours. Mother and Alexis are here if you need something, and no getting frisky, understand?"

"If only I could!" she groused.

"Seriously, they'll get you anything you want."

"I know, I know, they take very good care of me."

"Here's the book you've been reading, your phone, a fresh drink, anything else you can think of?"

"Nope, that about covers it." Shaking her head, Kate chuckled, "Hey, Castle if the book flops you could always get a job as a butler?"

Castle leaned in, rubbed his nose to hers and responded, "I'm not sure anyone could match your benefit package."

"Leave already, I'm fine," her eyes began to close as the medicine took over, "but hurry back mmmkay."

Xxxxxxxxxxooooooo page break? – Yep, definitely!

As Castle entered the room, Dr Burke stood and extended his arm. "Rick Castle, at last we meet, though I feel I know you already."

"Dr Burke, thanks for seeing me. I realize Kate and I have an appointment with you tomorrow, but I had some preliminary questions and items I want your opinion on."

"Of course, may I call you Rick?"

"Absolutely, Kate speaks very highly of you. She respects your input, for which I grateful. May I start?" With an affirmative nod from the psychiatrist, he began. "A few weeks ago, one of our friends after a sudden, but brutal illness, died. This threw Kate into a panic and she suddenly confessed that she loved me and we've been in a relationship ever since. Then, while I was on a business trip, Kate exhausted herself on a case, becoming so ill she almost died."

"That must've been hard on you", Dr Burke interjected

"It was terrifying. I've seen her die once and come back. I'm not sure I could survive it again, "the emotion of the memory overtook Castle.

"Yesterday she confessed that she had lied from the beginning, she remembered everything about her shooting. I knew she had been lying, but didn't push her."

"How did she do?"

"It was heartbreaking seeing her struggle through that. It's funny, I understood why she lied, but I was still a little pissed. I mean, I have plenty of issues myself having two failed marriages behind me. I'm not sure I'm a good risk, but I want to give it my best shot. I believe we will get through this."

Neither spoke for a moment, and Dr Burke waited patiently for Castle to continue. He went down his list; Kate's walls, PTSD, how to support to Kate, what he was hiding from Kate about her mother's murder and his plan for her recovery. Dr. Burke explained each item with suggestions to assist Castle, all without over-stepping the line of confidentially.

"Does Kate know about all of these items?"

"No and I'm afraid of her reaction. She is so vulnerable and I'm afraid if I push her, she'll go over the edge. She's kicked me out before. I want our relationship to get stronger, her to get stronger, and then I'll tell her."

Dr Burke listened, "I must admit you may be right, but before you return from the Hampton's she deserves to know everything."

Castle nodded, agreeing with the doctor. The hour flew by and soon they were saying goodbye.

"Rick, Kate needs a warm and loving environment where she can feel safe to be able to keep the walls from returning. She's afraid of being deserted and having her heart broken, you know that, right?"

Nodding his head in affirmation, Castle looked into the doctor's eyes, "I'll keep her safe."

"Rick does Kate know you came here today? You need to tell her, you have to start by being honest, right?"

"I'll tell her today. One more thing, I'm planning on asking Kate to make our relationship more permanent", and then he laid out his entire plan.

"Beautiful Rick, although you may have problems convincing her."

"Any hints?"

"Be certain you want this. Remember Kate is the original one and done woman."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO – Page Break Me

Arriving back at the loft with arms full of food, Castle started to call out when Alexis turned, placed her fingers to her lips and motioned towards the sleeping Kate.

Entering the living room, he gave Alexis a peck on her head, "how did it go?"

"Pretty good, I helped her to the bathroom once, she's pretty unsteady with the drugs on board. Dad, she's still upset about lying to everyone. I tried to tell her it will be okay, but she's terrified of losing you."

"Pumpkin, we'll make it right. You know, I never checked with you about Kate and I being together. Are you okay with us? I know this all happened so fast."

"Dad, she is perfect for you, - beautiful, sexy, funny, smart, tough and she loves me." She smiled smugly. "I also happen to adore her."

Giving his daughter a big hug, he moved to sit next to Kate's sleeping body.

"Hey gorgeous, I'm back." he murmured to her, as he gently rubbed her arm.

Opening her eyes, she was busy blinking trying to get the fog to pass. "Hi, I missed you." She crawled up into his lap and snuggled into him.

"I bought Italian, interested?"

"Give me a minute."

"Stay there we'll bring it to you, lunch in the nest."

"OK," she conceded easily.

Castle squinted at Kate, surprised she had given in so quickly. _Don't make a big deal of it, she'll be ok,_ he thought, trying to be calm.

Kate read his look, "Relax, Rick, I'm not a porcelain doll, just a little tired."

Smiling up at him, she said "let's eat."

After lunch, Rick asked, "Kate you ready to get to the details of the plan we started discussing yesterday, before you so rudely interrupted."

Kate groaned, _this could be painful_.

"So, I said I wanted us to be together forever, starting with the house in the Hamptons, and then you lost it."

"_That's it!_" His cavalier attitude was getting under her skin.

"Wait, I'm just pulling your leg. Seriously, I do want us to be together, I want you to move in with me. You can sublet your apartment, and let me take care of you."

Kate's face turned dark and her eyes had the color of coal. "You expect me to give up my place? My stuff. To be kept by you?" Her finger was poking in his chest, "That's not happening, I won't be kept by you or anyone, not ever. You must have lost your mind." The more she spoke, the angrier she became. Attempting to move, she stated emphatically "I'm so out of here!" as she clutched her side. But she couldn't get up. _Damn it not now_.

Sensing that words would not calm her down, he pulled her to him and drove his lips into hers. Initially she resisted his kiss, but finally succumbed to his passion. Gradually he let her go, just hanging on to her shoulders, and knowing he had barely averted disaster, he restarted.

"I messed that up. Let me try again. Firstly, some of my money is from the sales of Nikki Heat books, and without you, there would be no story. You're as entitled to that money as I am. Secondly, I want to help you in any and every way I can. You're my life partner, _always_, do you understand?"

"God, Rick, there is still so much to work out."

"The only important question is do you want to be with me, want to be part of my family, yes or no?"

"Yes", without hesitation.

"Then we'll work everything else out as it comes up. Kate, since you're already a little pissed at me you need to know I talked to Dr Burke today."

"I thought we were seeing him tomorrow?"

"Yes we are, but there were things I wanted to talk about before." The next few minutes Castle told Kate everything they had talked about, except his secret.

Previously, Kate would have been enraged, but these were different times, and she understood that he had done this out of love. Sighing, she stretched her back and her hands went to her head, "Rick, I'm really tired."

"How's the side?" She must really be hurting to admit this openly, he considered.

"It's talking to me, and it's not happy. When did I become such a wimp?" She wondered out loud, tears filling her eyes. Rick silently handed her some pills, which she swallowed, then she continued.

"Rick, after we see Dr Burke, let's go to my apartment and begin sorting through things. I have to decide what I'm taking with me. I'll need some help, and I need to tell my Dad, what's happened. Will you go with me?"

"Of course", secretly he was thrilled with her admission, but kept it to himself, "Do you want to go lay down on the bed?"

"No, I'm good right here."

Castle retrieved his computer, put on some mellow music and returned to the opposite end of the couch. Opening up the computer, he thought about writing, but looked at Kate instead. She seemed to be having trouble getting comfortable, trying to turn, but unable to complete the task and a soft moan escaped. Getting up, he went and carefully turned her on her good side and tucked pillows behind her back. As he kissed on her neck, her face began to soften, indicating she was settling in

Thinking she was asleep, he spoke into her hair, "Kate, I love you, it will be good, you'll see."

As he started to back away, a hand prevented his retreat, "Rick, I trust you", she murmured smiling as sleep overtook her.


	10. Chapter 10

_**Dear Readers,**_

_**Our couple's journey continues. This chapter deals with Kate's insecurities and introduce Dr Burke. I believe we needed to include him as he is important to our story. But, rest assured, more fun will be coming, the next chapter finds our couple in the Hamptons. Please review, your comments help.**_

_**My three-Betas-Bree, Marjo, and Stella- you make my story better and you inspire me to continue, XXOO**_

As Kate opened her eyes, she was relieved to find that Castle was not beside her. She'd had yet another disturbing dream. Nightmares were not new for Kate, they had been a routine occurrence since the shooting. Recently though, they had become more frequent and disturbing, revolving around her relationship with Castle. Each dream ended similarly, upon confessing her indiscretions of the previous summer, Castle's response was anger, stating her actions were inexcusable, and ending with him leaving her. Even though she wanted to believe in her heart he wouldn't leave her, these dreams raised doubts, leaving her unsettled. This morning's nightmare had been particularly bad, and it had left her shaking and in tears. The lingering insecurity was still with her as she entered the kitchen.

Castle was busy preparing breakfast when two arms came around his waist, "What's for breakfast?" Kate murmured into his back.

"Hey, sleepy head, just waiting to see what sounds good" he rubbed her arms, and the touch of her skin made him tingle.

"I suppose a latte and bear claw aren't on the menu?" she teased Castle, waiting for his reaction.

"No, remember it's time to eat better and gain weight." Castle not taking on her challenge.

"What am I, the thanksgiving turkey? Fattening me up for the kill, huh?" Kate joked with her partner as she tried to annoy him.

As he turned around, Castle reached down, lifting up Kate's face and his lips found hers open and waiting. Their kiss lingered and both became lost in the moment.

"So, Dad, I need to get ready to go to school, can I eat first?" Alexis laughed at the couple as she came into the kitchen.

Castle and Kate parted, and he moved to hug his daughter. Alexis loved that her Dad and Kate were comfortable demonstrating their mutual affection in front of her and her grandmother. They seemed so happy together, despite the drama of recent events.

"Lex, you want a latte?" Kate asked as she gravitated toward the espresso machine.

"Sure," since Kate hated making lattes, both Alexis and Rick were surprised she had volunteered. They watched as she put the ground beans in the barista bowl and then tried to lock it in place. The combination of her lack of strength and inability to lock the bowl in place caused her to frown and she bit her lip in frustration.

_Damn it, why do __I let __this thing get to me?_ She shook her head, but knew her frustration had little to do with the machine. Castle nudged Alexis, and nodded his head in Kate's direction

"Here let me, this thing is horrible. I keep asking Dad for a replacement, but he says it's a classic." Both women rolled their eyes in sync and laughed. Castle was enthralled as he watched them. He realized he and Kate would face many obstacles, their relationship would be tested, but knew it would be worth the journey.

Rick made them all a vegetarian omelette and fried some bacon, commenting that man needs meat, which brought chortles from both Alexis and Kate. Determined to be part of the morning's meal preparation, Kate had spent her time chopping veggies and setting the table, tired of being an invalid. Initially, Castle was hesitant about Kate exerting so much energy, but decided to let her test her capabilities. He understood she was discouraged with her seeming lack of progress, and that she wanted things to go back to normal - with her back at work in the precinct and in control of her emotions.

During breakfast, they discussed their plans for the day. First topic of discussion was their appointment with Dr Burke, and just bringing it up filled Kate with alarm Her time with Dr Burke had been her sanctuary, he had brought her through a very painful period in her life and was helping her regain her self-worth. Suddenly, she was overrun with the realization that today she would be sharing him with Castle.

Castle could tell that Kate had gotten lost in her thoughts. He reached over and rubbed his fingertips on her arm. "Where did you go?" he asked softly.

"What?", replied Kate, returning to the moment.

"You left. Where did you go?".

She frowned, Castle's uncanny ability to sense her mood unnerving her. She shrugged her shoulders, "Leave it alone, Rick", immediately regretting her impatient tone. The morning's activities had taken their toll, she had pushed too hard and now she paid the price. Kate felt her temperature rise as the pain in her side started. She was exhausted by this pattern of illness and knew she had to learn to work within her limitations.

"Rick, I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that." Kate bit her lip. "I-I overdid it this morning. and I need to lay down."

"Well, we have some time before our appointment, why don't you take some medicine and rest for a while." Castle had suspected she had worn herself out, but was smart enough to know if he scolded her, she would just lash out, so he remained silent.

Already curled up on the couch, Kate felt herself drift off as Rick began to massage her feet. Early in their relationship, he had learned how much she enjoyed this and how relaxed it made her.

Nearly two hours later, Kate felt his lips on her forehead. "What time is it?" she asked.

"Time to wake up. I want you sharp for our appointment." He smiled at Kate, but she didn't respond. She had experienced another bad dream.

"I'll be fine, give me a minute." Her voice was harsh and her face set in a scowl.

"Need any help?" He asked.

"No, I've got this", her tone short as she tried to block the dream from her thoughts. She regretted asking Castle to join her at Dr Burke's office. Why introduce Castle into the fray and expose him to her issues?

Castle watched her go into the bedroom, pondering Kate's attitude. It had changed; she was so sullen and distant. Had he missed something? She had been fine at breakfast, then had worn herself out. Could that be it? No, he suspected that she had reverted back to her stubborn ways because she felt vulnerable.

Castle stood at the window for a couple of minutes then decided he was going to talk to her about her behaviour. As he walked into the bedroom, he noticed her sitting on the edge of the bed, wearing the same clothes she'd had on earlier. He sat down next to his partner, leaning in and attempting to kiss her neck. Kate moved away to elude his touch. "I'll be ready in a minute." she said curtly. Kate moved to stand, but Castle's grip on her arm prevented any movement.

"What are you trying to do?"

"Nothing, let me get ready," she stated as she evaded looking at him.

"Kate, you're not going to get away with this. You need to talk to me," he implored her.

"Let me go!" Kate said agitated, feeling trapped.

"No!"

"Quit prying, Castle." His persistence flustered her.

"Well, we seem to have digressed, Detective Beckett." Castle's agitation now matched Kate's.

"Stop it, you don't know me. You think you do, but you don't. This isn't right., I don't want to open up to Dr Burke _and_ you. I'm not sure us being together is going to work."

'Oh, no, you are not going to escape that easy." Castles grip on her arm tightened.

"What about everything we've talked about? What you promised?" Castle was now starting to panic.

"I was hasty, I'm not ready for a committed relationship.". Kate licked her lips, trying to escape, "I'm leaving."

Castle stood and pulled Kate tightly into his grasp. "Look at me", his voice raw, "I said look at me."

Slowly, she looked towards him, but she avoided eye contact. She knew her resolve would wilt once she gazed into his eyes. Castle was having none of her nonsense and forced her head towards his. She'd closed her eyes and he detected a tremor through her body as she fought his grip.

"Open your eyes now!" he demanded.

Her eyes remained closed as she tried to escape, but Castle had no intention of letting her go. His lips crashed into hers and worked to open her mouth. She fought his advances with a clenched jaw and teeth. His lips continued to work to break down her defences as he pulled her snug against him and felt her heart racing.

"There is no way, you are leaving. You can't leave, I love you." Castle whispered in her ear as he held her head. These words broke through her wall and Kate fell into him. She clutched his forearms, unable to speak. _What was she doing?_ This man would do anything for her. Why was she fighting him?

"I got scared about today, about you seeing just how damaged I am, and you..." Castle's fingers on her lips stopped her words. How could she express her feelings when she didn't understand them herself.

"Kate, don't do this. Talk to me."

"Castle, I'm so confused. I can't make sense of it."

'First, my name is Rick, and you are not retreating back into your hiding place."

Castle could tell by her stance that he was getting her back up again. His lips found hers, softly this time and his tongue opened her mouth. Kate moaned and began to cry. He felt her tears, which caused his eyes to open.

"Kate open your eyes". As she did what he'd asked, he saw the haunted look he had seen so much of over the last few years. _My God, what had happened?_ He needed to know so he could help her.

"We have to move forward, not backward, those days are gone. Remember you're not the only one with issues. We'll be stronger together. You said you trusted me right?"

"Right, but..."

"No buts, There is nothing that will scare me away. Or are you afraid that in the end that you won't want me?"

Kate looked up quickly, puzzled, how could he think that?

"See, I have insecurities too." Castle's gaze was tender and he ran his fingers from her chin onto her lips. Castle wrapped his arms around her and lowered them both onto the bed.

"Lay with me for a while, we have time," his warmth comforted her. As she buried her head in his shoulder she nodded affirmatively. Her fears began to recede, her mind relaxed and soon she was asleep. Castle didn't move, she needed time to recover. After about an hour, she stirred and kissed his neck.

"I'm feeling better now, thanks."

In the car, she was still withdrawn, but held onto his thigh. She had nearly run again, and Rick was wondering how many times would she be tempted to leave?

Dr Burke greeted them two warmly. He really wanted to help this couple find the happiness they deserved.

"What do you want to talk about?"

Kate looked down, not sure where to start.so Castle started for her.

"We nearly did not make it today. Kate had a panic attack."

"Stop it, Rick. I-I". Her face was drawn and Dr Burke could see the stress on her face. As he explained the ground rules, he watched Kate regroup before they continued .

"What happened today, Kate?" Dr Burke inquired.

"I've had some nightmares...bad dreams."

"Nightmares? Why didn't you say anything to me?" Castle was irritated and Kate glared at him.

"Rick, you need to be quiet and let Kate explain." Dr Burke silenced him.

"Over the last few days, I've had recurring bad dreams. Each time they end with Castle, er, Rick, angry and leaving me." She ran her hands through her hair and rubbed the sides of her face. "In the nightmare, he decided my lying to him was unforgivable and he wasn't willing to deal with my problems. I...I can't go through life with the fear of being abandoned again." With those final words, she looked first at Castle, then at Dr Burke and shrugged her shoulders. Castle's mouth was agape and he couldn't keep quiet any longer.

"Why would you think that? Every day I tell you how important you are to me and what I want for our future." Castle returned Kate's glare with his own.

"Enough, you two!" These two could really push each other's buttons, and their communication skills were horrendous.

"Don't let your fears make you weak. You can't hide or run from your feelings that won't solve anything. It's not fair to either of you, do you understand?" Dr Burke leaned forward and spoke directly to Kate. Her head was bowed, and her shoulders slumped, but she nodded in agreement.

"Rick, I warned you that Kate would be a challenge. You have to decide if she is who you want to be with. Are you committed to Kate, yes or no?"

"I told you, I will do anything to make this work." He turned his head to face Kate as he repeated. "_Anything_." His face full of love and compassion.

Kate looked up at his face and into his eyes. She leaned towards Castle, had a slight twinge of pain, yet continued to reach for him. Her hand ran down his cheek as she stared into his eyes. A warm gentle smile came onto her face and Castle's heart leapt. This was the first time since the kiss in the precinct that she had publicly shown him any affection. He leaned into her, closing the distance and she did not back away. They kissed with her hand still on his face. She murmured. "I love you, Rick Castle."

The rest of the time passed quickly and soon they bid Dr Burke goodbye. As they were about to leave, Dr Burke made his final point, "You two love each other, and you need to learn to talk to each other honestly."

On the elevator ride down, Kate looked at Castle. He hadn't run away, and she now believed he would stick with her. She shook her head and smiled _w__hat a ride they were in for._ With that, she pulled him into her, lifted her face and bit his lip.

"Ow, you may regret abusing me, I will get you back." Castle feigned pain.

"I carry a gun."

"Nice try, you're on leave remember, no gun" Castle grinned from ear to ear, he loved when he could out smart her.

"Oh, I won't shoot you, I have other ways." as she glanced sideways at him, raising an eyebrow and winked.

They continue their banter as the doors opened and they exited. They were meeting Kate's Dad Jim, at Remy's for lunch. The plan was to tell Jim what had occurred since Nick's death. Kate was fairly certain that her father knew something was up with the couple, but it was time to share their news.

Kate's dad was already in their favorite booth. As he saw them he rose, shook Castle's hand and hugged Kate. He held her briefly and gently; his daughter was so thin, her face was drawn, and he was instantly concerned. As they waited for their order, Kate began to tell her father everything since Nick's death. He reached across the table, picked up her hand, pulled it to his mouth and gently kissed it.

"Katie, nothing's easy for you, is it?" as he looked into his daughters eyes, then at Castle and he knew that Rick would take care of her.

As they departed, Jim promised to visit them in the Hampton's. Kate grew silent as they neared her apartment. The task of what she should take, what to store and what to dispose of was daunting.

Once they were in her apartment, Kate looked around, unsure of where to start and overcome with weariness. Castle glanced at Kate. Her pallor had returned and her face scrunched as she evaded the throbbing that had re-occurred.

"Kate, I have an idea." Her body was shaking as her head shifted to meet his eyes. Her smile was frail and she was too drained to speak. Castle had become well versed in caring for Kate and lead her to the couch. She sunk down into the cushions grateful that she hadn't collapsed. Castle brought her water and some pills.

"Rick, I really ..."

"Kate, give yourself a break, today has been brutal. Rest awhile then we'll go home." He leaned into her face and kissed her tenderly on the lips. Kate fought to keep her eyes open, she wanted to tell him how much today had meant to her, how his presence made her feel strong again, but her eyes closed before she could speak.

Much later, Kate opened her eyes. Her brain was groggy, she hated how the pills made her feel, but they helped. She sat up, tried to focus her vision and looked for Castle. As she called his name, he appeared by her side.

"Hey, how long was I out this time?"

"Almost five hours, you needed to rest."

"I'll never get this placed packed if I sleep all the time." her voice filled with disgust.

Kate struggled to stand still wobbly from the medicine. She perched on the arm of the couch as her eyesight began to sharpen. She looked around her apartment, most of her things were packed and boxes lined her walls.

"How did this happen?" She asked.

"I called Alexis. She came over and we went through most of what we thought you would want. What we weren't sure of, we left for you to decide." Castle surveyed the room, obviously proud of their work.

Kate was stunned by what they had done. Deliberately, she walked around her apartment and ran her fingers on each box. They had been packed with care and labelled in detail as well as a T for take and S for store on the boxes.

"What about my clothes, my personal stuff, did you do that, or Alexis?" Her face pink with embarrassment.

"We figured I should pack those. Besides, I got to see some very sexy underwear. There is one salmon colored Teddy with French lace that I can't wait to see you model." Castle's eyes narrowed as he leered at Kate with a raised eyebrow. His look brought a deeper flush to Kate's cheeks.

Why Detective, have I made you blush? How delightful."

"Come here, Rick."

As he went to her, Kate wrapped her arms around him, stood on her tiptoes and kissed him tenderly. Once they finished, she gestured around the room

"I'm...This is wonderful. Thank you. Now, let's go home."


	11. Chapter 11

_**Welcome back dear readers, Our couple is traveling to the Hampton's as their love story continues. Enjoy, I appreciate your feedback.**_

_**Of course, to those wonderful women for helping my story gel-Bree, Marjo, and Stella**_

Kate woke up early, looked over at Castle and poked him in the ribs. "Time to get up," she said excitedly.

Castle rolled over, opened one eye and seeing the time he groaned. Turning back to Kate he pulled her into his arms. "It's early don't get up yet."

As he nuzzled her neck her scent permeated him, enticing as always, and making him all the more determined to stay in bed. He smiled at the feel of her wrapped in his arms, and thought, _I'm one lucky guy_.

Kate, on the other hand, had a different idea. She was excited and wanted to get started on their trip. They could cuddle later, once they reached the Hamptons.

"No, let's get up and get an early start." her tone was insistent.

Castle tried to ignore her, but Kate pulled herself away and rolled over until she was sitting on his chest, straddling him. "I'm serious", she leaned down and began to plant little kisses all over his face. "Please, please, please get up."

"_You_ are very convincing." Grinning, he promptly slung Kate off his body and ended up on top of her.

"Ow", Kate gasped as she arched her back, reaching for her side and grabbing the front of Castle's T shirt, as tears sprang to her eyes.

"Hell, Kate", Rick quickly jumped off of her, "I'm so sorry, you were so cute, and I forgot."

"No,... I ...for...got... too, ...nice ...of ...my ...side... to ...re...mind... us, ...huh?" Her words came out in short bursts as the pain had her gasping and breathless. Castle's hand gently rubbed her side, as he kept repeating, "Sorry," over and over.

After a few minutes, the pain receded and Kate looked at Castle's stricken face.

"Rick, it's OK, _I'm_ OK. It happens; I guess I'm still a little hurt." She shrugged her shoulders. "It's my fault. I'm just excited about our trip today."

Castle leaned over Kate carefully and kissed her softly. "I'm awake now," he said, then let out a laugh. "Though I had hoped for a more leisurely wake up period."

"Well, up you get then, it's time for breakfast. Alexis is cooking this morning." she said, smiling at him.

"Great another veggie omelette", he groaned and rolled his eyes.

"She's a great cook, now come on." Kate took her time climbing out of bed as her side was still tender. Castle noticed and immediately started to offer her the option of pain medication.

"No Rick, I'm not drooling all the way to your house, I want to see the sights." Kate cut him off, anticipating his response.

Alexis had just finished serving the food as they entered the kitchen. Initially Castle glanced at his plate of food with apathy, but perked up when he spied sausage patties on his plate. He turned to look at Kate and beamed.

"You're such a baby! Do you think we would let the house carnivore starve?" Kate laughed, tilting her head as she ran her hands through his hair, and lightly smacking his cheek she said. "Eat up."

After breakfast, they got cleaned up and were soon ready to head out. Kate was nearly giddy with anticipation, and she reached out to pick up her bags, when a hand gently stopped her efforts.

"My mother taught me to be a gentleman. You may not always let me help you with your coat, but you don't carry the luggage. That is my job, get used to it, OK?"

"But Rick, I'm perfectly..." Her words halted as he put his hand over her mouth and stared directly into her eyes

.

"Not a point for discussion."

Kate started to interject again, but this time was stopped by Martha.

"Listen, my dear, in a world where there are so few gentlemen, you can take refuge in the knowledge that my son, while not perfect, is always a perfect gentleman." And with that Martha kissed them both, indicated they would be up to visit in a couple of weeks, and disappeared into her room.

Alexis also kissed them both and left for school, calling behind her, "Enjoy and relax about the luggage. He hasn't ever let me carry anything more than my laptop."

"Okay, so that's settled. I'll get this in the car, then we're gone."

"What can I do?"

"Smile and look beautiful,…oh wait, you're already there." He blew her a kiss, picked up the bags and left.

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

Kate slowly walked around the loft. She was going to miss this place. She had felt safe and at home here, something that she had never felt at her apartment. Yes, she had tried, placing various personal items around, but it never gave her the peace she felt at the loft. As she surveyed her surroundings, she sighed. It wasn't the loft that gave her a sense of tranquillity, it was the people.

Martha was such a delight, a free spirit, yet a kind and loving woman. Those she loved had her full support, and Kate was thrilled to be considered part of her inner circle.

Then there was Alexis - their relationship had survived a lot of ups and downs. After her shooting last summer, Alexis had been angry at Kate, and rightfully so. She had been so frightened that her father could be injured, or worse, killed. Their relationship recovered somewhat after the bank robbery where Kate had promised the young woman that she would rescue her father and grandmother, and she had succeeded. Kate still got chills as she remembered how close they had come to disaster that day. Kate shook her head as she recalled what had finally cemented their bond. Alexis' unwavering care of Kate during her latest illness. Though Kate remembered little of those days, she had been told that Alexis was by her side every minute until Rick returned home. A daunting task to ask of anyone, but she had risen to the occasion. Kate knew that they would continue to have difficult times, but she was now confident that they would continue to grow closer with time.

The glue in all of this was Rick. She knew from working with him for over three years that he was a great dad and devoted son. Kate smiled as she remembered how he would grumble about his family, well his mother, really. But always took care of them and they in turn adored him. Who wouldn't adore him? Yes, he was a nine year old on a sugar rush, but it was endearing. He may have wild, crazy theories about murder cases, but he had proven to be valuable asset to the team, particularly to her. When they first met and he turned to her, pen in hand, and asked her where would she like it, she was hooked. At first she thought he was a playboy, someone she couldn't trust, yet he had demonstrated that was not the case. They had been through hell more than once and survived. She was so glad she had finally let her feelings be known, though she conceded a public kiss in the bull pen might have been a little over the top. As she continued to travel through the loft, she let her fingers drift over his belongings, bringing her pleasure in knowing they represented Rick. Her face was relaxed, her mouth turned up in a warm smile and tears had welled in her eyes. She turned around and found Castle quietly watching her. He opened his arms and she willingly walked into his embrace. As they hugged, Castle buried his head into her hair. With tennis shoes on today, she fit perfectly in his arms. She leaned away, just enough to gaze into his eyes. Words were not necessary and their lips met in an impassioned kiss. They stood still for a few moments, contentedly wrapped in each other's arms.

Castle was the first to step back, "You ready?"

"Yes, let's go."

When they got downstairs, outside the entry sat his Ferrari.

"We're taking your Ferrari?"

Of course, I have to look the part of a rich writer with a beautiful woman on my arm." He replied coyly.

"You're such a goof," she smacked his arm.

Then she licked her lips and said, "Give me the keys. I want to drive."

"Uh huh, no way am I placing this beauty in the hands of an aggressive New York cop.

Beside, Steve said no driving yet."

"Great is the warden coming with us?" She asked, disgusted.

"Kate, your time will come and then I will gladly hand over the keys. After I increase my life insurance of course." His smirk had increased with each word.

With that comment, she turned and gave him the look, and he shrugged, unaffected and still smirking as he opened the passenger door. Kate climbed in very carefully as the low seat pulled on her side.

"Ok?" Castle queried.

"Yes, start this baby up, time's a wasting."

She pulled her hair up into her hat and placed her sunglasses on. It was a beautiful day for a ride, and his house in Southampton was a two hour drive from Manhattan. Castle had mapped out the route with a planned stop at one of his favorite seafood restaurants about half way to his house. He was concerned that the trip would wear her out, so he would keep a close eye on her, knowing she wouldn't complain.

"Rick, there isn't much room for luggage, so..."

"I had a car take everything ahead. I figured you'd like to take the Ferrari instead of a town car"

About 30 minutes later he looked over, and was glad to see his partner taking a nap. At the halfway point, he pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant, turned off the engine, and leaned in to brush his lips against Kate's cheek.

"Time for a break, love."

"Sorry, I fell asleep. I'm a horrible navigator."

"That's okay, it's pretty boring getting through the city. How about some food? They have wonderful calamari, which if I recall, you love."

A giant grin spread across her face, "let's do it."

She opened the car door and quickly realized she was not going to be able to get out of the low seat. As she pursed her lips and considered how to progress, Rick appeared. He helped her turn her legs out of the car, bent over and lifted her up. Her shaky hands rested on his shoulders, and she used his body to gain stability. Once she felt steady, she relaxed her hold, and put her left arm though his as they proceeded . She uttered a whispered thanks as they entered.

"Rick! Welcome, we have your favorite table ready." Kate snickered, of course he knew the owner, he knew everybody.

"Sam, this is my friend and partner, Kate Beckett. We're headed to out to the house for an extended period of time. I have a book to write and Kate's coming to crack the whip."

Castle never mentioned Kate's needed to recuperate and she appreciated his discretion. Martha had been correct, he was a perfect gentleman.

"You didn't do her justice, Rick. She's a magnificent creature." Sam slapped him on the back and grinned. Kate giggled at the delightful description, instantly liking Sam.

Their table was outside, over-looking the water and very remote. Castle had told Sam what to bring without even looking at a menu.

"Don't I get to look at a menu?" she asked.

"Next time. You'll love my choices, trust me."

The food was delicious, and they had a very relaxed time eating and talking about nothing important. After sharing some of Kate's favorite cheesecake, they decided it was time to continue their trip.

"Ready to get going?"

"Yes." Her voice was slightly hushed. Castle's eyes narrowed, he suspected that she was getting tired. As she rose from the table, she winced and held on to the table for a moment.

"Kate, do you..."

"No pills." She glared and brushed by him.

He helped her get settled in and they continued their trip. Try as she might to stay awake, she drifted off a few times, but never for long. She really wanted to take in the scenery.

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

Kate' s breath caught as she began to see beautiful, sprawling houses and she was excite to see his home, as Castle had refused to tell her anything about it. The car slowed and Castle activated the front gate. As they entered the grounds, Kate gasped out loud. The grounds were perfectly manicured and as they drove up the driveway, her mouth dropped open. In front of her stood a modern wood and white stucco house with huge windows everywhere. Kate was intimidated, she had figured it would be a nice place, but this was a mansion!.

"Rick, you never told me..." her voice hesitant.

"Relax it's just something money can buy, but I love it."

They parked the car in the garage and Rick again assisted Kate out of the car. This time it took her a little longer to get her feet under her and . Castle never said a word. He was not going to tease her over this, it would only damage her already wounded pride.

They walked into the house through the garage. To the right were floor- to-ceiling windows that spanned the entire length of the room overlooking the ocean, and off to the left was a huge white fireplace which marked the entry to the kitchen.

"My god, Rick this is...I'm speechless."

"Come out to the patio. It's one of my favorite spots." The patio was massive and at the end was a walkway down to the beach.

"It's a pleasant walk to town to the left and open beach to the right. Let me show you around the house."

Off of the living room was a study and an enormous master suite, about the size of Kate's apartment. He explained that the other 5 bedroom suites were upstairs and on the third level was a pool and a deck with another fireplace.

As they walked around the house, she noted that the house was decorated in a contemporary yet warm motif. There was wood scattered throughout and all of the ceilings were open. Castle had exquisite taste, which matched her own preferences perfectly. She noted that a copy of the painting from her apartment hung in the study, and under the painting was an area designed for her with her computer set up on a rosewood desk. He had remembered how much she loved the warmth and colour of rosewood. Her hand ran over the top of the piece and Kate was blown away, both by his house, but more importantly by his thoughtfulness. As she looked back to find Castle watching her she smiled, and Castle was pleased she liked his house.

"Look, I even had them build you a nest on the end of the couch so you can look out at the ocean."

He was adorable and so considerate. She walked over to him, pulled his head down to her and kissed him with all the passion and love she could communicate.

"Thank you, for all of this." she murmured.

Castle read her face, knew she was exhausted and it was time for her to rest.

"Let me show you where your things are, so you can get into something comfortable." They entered the bedroom, went straight to the closet and he showed her where her clothes were and pointed in the direction of the bathroom.

He started to leave, but she grabbed his arm, "Stay with me."

He helped her out of her traveling clothes and into her yoga pants and NYPD t-shirt. She went to the bathroom and then re-joined him in the bedroom.

"Where do you want to go?"

"The nest of course." Her nose wrinkled as if there was some other place she'd rather be.

They walked arm in arm. She was trembling slightly, but made it to the couch. He helped her get climb in and as she attempted to get comfortable, she unknowingly let out a slight moan and a grimace spread on her face. When she raised her eyes, Castle was there, pills and water in hand. She took them without protest. As her side ached and burned like hell. _How could sitting in a car be so hard?_

Kate leaned back and looked out to the ocean. Living in the city, she had forgotten how calming yet invigorating the ocean could be. As she considered this phenomenon, Castle joined her on the couch. He brought his laptop, figuring he could get some work done while she rested. As he glanced at Kate, a contented smile came over his face. Sam had been right, she was magnificent. With that he reached under the covers and brought her bare feet onto his lap. He methodically began to massage her feet.

"Oh, my", she whispered. "You know this will put me to sleep, right?"

"Just trying to re-energize you, my dear. I have such plans for us, but first you need to get well."

"Don't leave me in suspense. Tell me now."

No way, a little at a time. I don't want to show my hand too soon. A little intrigue my friend, is good for the soul." His favorite _I-know-something-you-don't_ smirk covered his face.

She should been irritated about the secrecy, but found his words strangely seductive. She leaned over, with some effort, grabbing his hair and pulling him to meet her lips. He tasted wonderful, touching him made her heart quicken and a warm flush passed through her.

"Enough tempting me Detective, time for you to rest."

"You know, just because I'm out of commission, doesn't mean I can't give you some help." Even as she suggested it, she blushed.

"My, my, that is a very generous proposal which I must turn down. When _we_ get the green light, we will make love together, and I will take lots of kissing in the interim." He slid his hand down her cheek and behind her head drawing her into him, their kiss this time was gentle and soft with promises of things to come

When he pulled away, he noted her eyes were becoming glassy. _Good_ he thought _the medicine __is__ working_. He tucked her feet back under the covers and retreated to his end of the couch.

Later, as the sun was beginning to set, Rick whispered in her ear.

"Want to see the sun set from the upstairs deck?"

"Absolutely, just let me wake up first." Kate rubbed her hands over her eyes as she tried to clear her brain. Soon she was on her feet, a little unsteady, but determined.

Rick had a sweatshirt waiting for her as well as socks and shoes.

"I started a fire upstairs, it should be beautiful."

With her new clothes on, Kate indicated she was ready to go.

"It's up two flights can you make it?"

"Seriously?" She had wrinkled her brows and pursed her lips

Rick realized that unless he let her do this, the night could turn ugly.

"Ok, let me escort you, madam." Rick bowed from the waist and offered his hand to Kate. That manoeuvre stopped her spurt of anger and she laughed.

"My pleasure, milord." She took his hand, and he tucked her arm through his as he began to climb the stairs. He was wise enough to proceed slowly and as they went from step to, her grip on his arm tightened. Good grief, she had gotten out of shape.

They stepped onto the deck. Kate was slightly out of breath, but wouldn't complain for the world. As she recovered, she looked around, the roof top was beautiful and the pool inviting. She asked, pointing to the pool, "Is it heated?"

"Of course. You think I' m going swimming in a cold body of water. Remember just because I live in New York doesn't mean I'm not a beach boy at heart."

She smiled as she saw the fire in the fireplace, and looked to the west as the sun began its descent into darkness. This place held so much magic, it was nearly spiritual.

Rick came up behind her, "Are you warm enough, love, let's move closer to the fire."

"Hum, it may be a little chilly, but hang on to me and I'll be fine."

He wrapped his frame around hers. She was so small in comparison to him and fit into her perfectly. He started to describe the various landmarks of the area and she listened engrossed in his explanations. Life with this woman will be beyond compare, he thought as he pulled her closer and her scent burned into his memory. As the sun slid behind the horizon, she spun around and kissed his cheek.

"This is better than I ever imagined."

"My house?"

"Well, yes, but I was referring specifically to being here with you, dummy." Shaking her head, she chuckled. _Could he be that naive?_ No, but she had sent him mixed messages over the years and they had never been good at communicating. They had nearly died several times and never talked about it. They had kissed and ignored the obvious feelings that they both had for each other. She had lied to him and he forgave her. Yes, he had many reasons to be confused.

"You're right, I can be cryptic sometimes, but just so we're clear, Mister Castle. I am in love with you. Now and forever. Does that make it clearer?" she ended with a wink.

"Crystal."

Rick was stunned by her honesty and in the heat of her admission, he swept her into his arms and they descended to the living room.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Dear Readers,**_

_**Our story continues, hope you enjoy the ride.**_

_**My thanks to the marvelous trio-Bree, Marjo, and Stella who help my stories gain life.**_

_**Love your thoughts**_

Kate was surprised at how quickly Rick scooped her up and carried her back in the house.

"Hey, I can walk you know, put me down." she half-heartedly barked, though she rather enjoyed his efforts.

"Kate, indulge me, all too soon you will be motoring on your own and my chance at chivalry will end."

She chuckled; she was getting used to his attention and was positive if she made a big a deal of it, his ego would soar. Kate thought of the first time he had picked her up, at the hanger the night Captain Montgomery had been killed. She had fought him with everything in her, but had not been able to break his hold as he had carried her effortlessly. She smiled as she remembered how she had under-estimated his strength. He deftly deposited her on a bar stool and moved to the kitchen.

"So what sounds good? We're stocked with lots of our favorite foods as well as some great munchies."

Kate was mesmerized by his ease in the kitchen. His face was so cute as he pensively surveyed their choices.

"_Earth to Kate_. Work with me here, what sounds good?"

"Is spaghetti carbonara an option?"

"Absolutely, I'll get started"

"I'll make a salad and set the table."

While Castle was busy making the carbonara, Kate began opening each of the cabinets and drawers in search of items to set the table. She discovered treasures in each spot - Limoges dishes from France, Derutta ceramic Italian plates and bowls, Baccarat stem ware and Jacquard table linens. Kate and her Mom had spent hours browsing through stores looking at numerous gourmet tableware items. Her Mom had always said that setting a beautiful table could hide a miserable meal, but more importantly make any meal an occasion. Kate carefully chose various pieces to set the table. When she finished, she stepped back and admired the result. Rick came up behind her, wine and glasses in hand.

"Thought a little celebration was in..." Catching sight of the table silenced him, Kate had laid out the pieces beautifully, the colors, textures, and patterns brought life to the inanimate objects.

"Kate, I knew you had excellent taste, but everything looks so beautiful together. My compliments", he handed a glass of wine to Kate and raised his. Salute." he toasted. His gaze penetrated Kate's eyes with such intensity, she momentarily blushed.

"Thank you, I love setting tables. It's something I learned from my mom. Hum, is it okay to mix the medications with wine?"

"Why, Detective, do you think I would try to get you drunk? I'm shocked, insulted even." Rick pretended to be hurt with little success. Kate saw right through him and playfully poked his side.

"It wouldn't be above you," raising an eyebrow at him, following up with a smile.

"Seriously, shouldn't we check with Steve first about the wine?"

"Done, he said a glass or two would be fine, so just a little with dinner."

Kate was thrilled and stuck her nose into the bowl of the wine glass. Breathing in the aroma, she sighed, "an Amarone I think."

"Very good, yes one Nick recommended." Castle realized too late that the mere mention of Nick's name brought back poignant memories and Kate bowed her head.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to open wounds," rubbing her arm he tried to look into her eyes. Her head raised, tears glistened in her eyes. "No, Nick will always be with us, I just miss him."

"Yeah, me too. When does Deb return?"

"Not for several weeks."

"Good. We'll invite her out to spend some time with us."

"That would be great." Kate's cheerful mood returned.

Castle pulled out Kate's chair, directed her to sit and dinner commenced. Their conversation remained light, lots of laughter and small talk. The time flew by, Kate so content her eyes were soon at half- mast. Rick smiled and leaned across the table to take her hand.

"Time for bed, my love."

"No…I don't want this evening to end." Her eyes smiled at him.

"We have time for many more nights, just like these, but you're tired now."

"Damn it, Rick, I'm fine," she stated, clearly annoyed at his suggestion.

Castle rose from the table and went to Kate's side. He turned her chair so he could face her straight on.

"Hey, remember you need to be honest."

God she hated when he was right. "Ok I'm tired", biting her lip and looking so childlike, "I just don't want to miss anything."

"OK, let's compromise. You get ready for bed while I clean the kitchen, and then you can curl up on the couch while I do some work, how's that?"

"I can live with that."

As she rose from her seat, the full scope of her exhaustion hit. She offered to help with the dishes, yet was hopeful he wouldn't accept. Rick read her thoughts and sent her off to change.

Minutes later, she returned, dressed in one of Castle's oversized t-shirts and yoga pants, her hair freshly brushed and makeup removed. Rick sighed as he saw Kate looking like a teenager, and knowing she was anything but.

She stopped in front of him and rubbed her hands down his chest stopping at his waist and leaned into him. He gently turned her around and they went into the living room.

"Need anything for pain."

"No, I feel pretty mellow right now."

Within minutes of curling on the couch Kate had drifted asleep. Rick tried to concentrate on finalizing his outline, but her sleeping form distracted him. His thoughts wandered back to Nick and Deb, and their lives together being cruelly cut short. Kate and he were fortunate, and Rick was determined they would not to waste another moment.

Around midnight, Rick decided he had written enough and was ready for bed. He stood and moved to where Kate had settled in, looking so peaceful. He bent over and gently picked her up, and she snuggled into his arms. Rick continued to be amazed by how this tough Detective could be so delicate, and it warmed his soul. When he reached the bed he laid her down gently before he got ready for bed, then crawled in next to Kate. As her body molded into his, her warmth seduced him.

"You're feet are cold, come closer." she mumbled in her sleep. Her breathing became regular, slow and peaceful, and soon Castle's breathing matched hers.

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

Awwh!

Her scream woke him, causing him to leap out of bed. What had happened? Where was she? His eyes searched the dim light for Kate. He finally found her on the floor beside the bed. She was curled in a ball with her head on the floor, her left arm tucked to her side, her right arm stretched in front of her on the floor and her hand in a tight fist.

"Kate," Rick implored her as she raised her right hand in the stop position.

"Give...me..." unable to finish her sentence, she pounded the floor and expletives sprang from her throat. Rick rarely heard Kate speak these words, but when she did, he knew she was pissed. He waited until she summoned him with a wave of her hand before he made his way to her and helped her to her feet. Trembling and swaying, Kate tried to take some deep breaths, but they wouldn't come. Continuing to gasp and moan, it took her several minutes to recover. He never spoke, but just hung on. Once she recovered, she looked at him, her face stricken. The episode had taken her by surprise and she gave him a wan smile.

"I just wanted to go to the bathroom. I must've gotten up too fast." Her head was moving back and forth rapidly in bewilderment.

"Well, how about I help you to the bathroom and back to bed?" He asked gently and she merely nodded. As they returned to the bedroom, Kate pulled a face.

"Rick, pills please," disgust invading her voice.

"They're right here."

After she swallowed the pills, he helped her back into bed and joined her. He could tell she did not want to talk, so kissed her cheek, whispering "Night."

The following morning, he heard her pad into the kitchen.

"Morning, want your coffee on the porch? It's beautiful out there in the morning."

"I guess." Kate shrugged apathetically, worn out from the nights' activities.

As he handed her a cup of coffee, his fingers lovingly brushed her cheek. He figured she would tell him about last night when she was ready. Rick had learned if she was pushed before she was ready, she would just dig her heels in and shut him out.

Kate realized he was right, it was gorgeous outside and the sound of the ocean was calming. This morning, her breathing was easier, with less discomfort. Thank goodness, she thought with some relief. Kate peered over in Rick's direction, he was strangely quiet, so un-Castle like. _Interesting._

After savoring her coffee, she was ready to talk to him about last night.

"I really thought I had this thing under control. I thought Steve had over dramatized my recovery time. I've always healed well previously. I thought I would be back in four weeks tops, _what a mistake_!" Her face clearly disappointed as she gazed into his eyes, tears fell onto her cheeks. "What if I never recover? What if... " She couldn't vocalize her fear that she would not be able to return to work as a homicide cop.

Kate was leaning forward, her arms on her knees as she stared into her cup, struggling to come to grips with the possible ramifications.

"Kate, Steve was being honest with you. He never said you wouldn't recover. You're unrealistic if you think you'd heal faster. We will do this together. I can't promise you will fully recover, but we will do everything to make it happen, that I can promise."

Castle could tell how afraid she was of failing and not being able to return. His words of encouragement fell on deaf ears and he needed to shake her out of her funk.

"Kate, come with me, I was going to save this for later, but I think you need a pick me up."

"I'm not in the mood, Rick."

He wasn't taking no for an answer and pulled her to her feet. They went up a short flight of stairs to a room she hadn't yet explored. He pushed in the door and guided her through.

Inside the room stood the latest Cybex workout equipment, weight machines, rowing machine, treadmills, bicycles, mats and free weights. A total gymnasium. Rick walked over to a row of bands hanging on a rack.

"See, the finest set of resistance bands that Roger recommended."

"Roger? " Kate looked at Castle inquisitively.

"Yes I went to see him and asked him to design a gym that would provide you the best workout."

Kate walked around each piece of equipment. _Wow, this was incredible._

"Why?"

"Once Steve clears you to begin your rehab, you'll need all of this to build your strength. Roger assured me we have everything you need."

"Rick," a smile spread across her face, "this may be the best gift you've ever given me."

Kate realized in that moment that Rick wanted to give her every chance to become whole and strong again.

"Believe me I need the workout too. Since we're trying to put meat on your bones, if I'm not careful, I'll go from writer boy to fat boy", he smiled sheepishly.

Kate let out a burst of laughter. She stepped into him, reached up and kissed him full on the mouth.

"You're right I feel better."

After breakfast, Kate helped Rick clean the kitchen. She took her time, limited the amount she carried and avoided stretching her side or reaching up. She felt she was finally being useful. Rick watched, making sure her efforts were successful and made a mental note not to treat her as an invalid.

"Let's go for a walk on the beach."

They had been walking for a little while when Castle broke the silence, "Penny for your thoughts?"

"My thoughts, hum, let me see", she decided to tease him a bit.

"I was thinking you're stalling, shouldn't you be writing instead of strolling on the beach with your girlfriend? Maybe I should call Gina" and she pulled out her phone.

"No, please I can't deal with her right now. Please". She had turned her head to avoid seeing his face and giggled as he frowned, _she's pulling my leg._

He grabbed her arm and spun her towards him. "You're pulling my chain, aren't you?"

"Oh, come on you're so easy."

"Good thing you're still on the injured reserve list, because otherwise, my little smart ass, you would be spitting out salt water right now."

"So, you think once I'm one hundred percent you'll be able to take me. We'll see, and in fact I think we'll need to put some serious money on this."

They both stood nose to nose, taunting each other, both tempted to take it to the next level, but realizing someone could get hurt.

They continued down the beach, just talking and enjoying being _together. _ While they had been partners for over three years, much of their private lives had never been discussed. Rick ran his hand through his hair, thinking he might as well start now, knowing she'd learn all about him anyway.

My mother did a marvelous job, as a single parent, though I suspect she reveled in complaining and being dramatic. You know how flamboyant she is and loves being the center of attention. Growing up I felt like I was her prop, someone she could prance about and put back out of sight as she tired of the mother role.

He really didn't sound bitter, more resigned to the reality. Kate believed he had been the adult in their earlier relationship and they had formed an unbreakable bond. He brought up his father once to Martha, one of the few times she showed sadness and he never mentioned it again. Frankly, he didn't mind and he made up scenarios in his head. It had always worked for him so why change? Kate was amazed at how content he was with not knowing who his father was.

As Rick finished he stared out to the sea, Kate beside him

"Let's sit" she suggested

They sat down in the sand with Kate's hand gently squeezing his and he continued the story.

Meredith had been his first wife and Alexis' mother. She professed to love him and pushed to get married, but he was reluctant. She purposefully got pregnant and Castle knew then that the decision had been made for him. Kate was intrigued by the fact that Rick was not angry about the deception. After Alexis was born, Meredith immediately returned to acting, telling Castle since he didn't have a real job, he should be Mr. Mom. The one thing in their marriage that was worthwhile was Alexis. He had adored her from day one, while Meredith barely held her. All she wanted to do was to be an actor and she left for Hollywood for a small part in a movie and never returned. He found out through a mutual friend she had hooked up with an associate producer who promised to make her a star. Their divorce was amicable and he provided her with a generous settlement in return for full custody of Alexis. She even admitted that having a child was a career killer, so no one in Hollywood knew about Alexis. As he talked about this, his voice was bitter and hollow, not for himself but for Alexis. Alexis had been cheated by not having a mother. Alexis did not know her mother, did not want her, though he thought Alexis knew where her mother stood. Kate was quiet, encouraging Rick throughout his story, asking pertinent questions, rubbing his arm and feeling his distress.

His second marriage to Gina was a sham. She had fallen for Richard Castle, the famous writer, but had no interest in the normal, stay at home guy, Rick Castle. She was bored with his daily life, made fun of his writing, though his character Derrick Storm made them both wealthy. His only current contact with her was as his publisher, a job at which she excelled.

They sat on the beach as he finished his story Kate's hand squeezed his during his confession, looking into his face while he switched his gaze from the ocean to Kate's face. He was embarrassed that he had been played badly by two women. After Gina and he divorced he buried himself in caring for Alexis and writing Derrick Storm novels. His mother came to live with them and had been invaluable in helping raise Alexis. She provided them with a woman's viewpoint. Rick was as much of a child as Alexis sometimes, and Martha furnished an adult perspective to their lives. Kate buried her smile in her hands. _I bet that wasn't easy she thought._ As Alexis grew up, he dated some, to the world he was a playboy, women were instantly attracted to him, but weren't interested in the whole package so broke it off. Rick hated that persona, but it worked for his professional facade so he tolerated it.

His confession had been difficult, he had never shared his feelings about his childhood and marriages to anyone, however if Kate was going to be part of his life, he believed she needed to know his story. Rick appreciated Kate's questions, and she never pried or judged him. He reminded her she wasn't the only one with baggage.

He mentioned he had pretty much decided he would remain a single parent, content with his life. Until the day he met _her_. She was different from any woman he had ever met. She was everything he thought he would never find, but dreamed of every day. He fell in love with her the first day they met and spent every waking moment after trying to be part of her life. Kate stopped him by leaning into him, her lips open, and touching his first gently then with more power. They sunk onto the sand, lost in each other for many moments. Kate throbbed with desire and Rick was ready for them to continue, when he suddenly ceased.

"What?" Kate whispered.

"First, we continue and the police will arrest us for public nudity among other charges. Besides remember our pact, kissing only."

Kate groaned, disappointed, but understandably resigned to the current situation.

They lay holding each other and Kate started shaking. He noticed that the sun had begun to set, they had lost track of time.

"God, Kate, we have to get back. You're freezing. This was a bad idea."

"No it was perfect. I want to know everything about you"

Castle wrapped his arms around her in an effort to warm her up. He was worried, Kate was becoming weaker and more unsteady. She was silent, gritting her teeth, focused on reaching the house under her own power. Rick stopped and started to pick her up.

"Backup, buddy," she growled at her partner. "Keep moving"

After a slow but steady walk, they made it to the deck. They cleaned sand from their feet and entered the house. Kate was shivering continuously and plopped on the edge of the couch. Her eyes were fixed on the floor as she attempted to hide her displeasure and misery. Rick knelt in front of her looking up trying to catch her eyes. She averted her eyes, too ashamed to look at him.

Rick tilted her head, "Hey, I'm over here."

Her eyes found his, and she shook her head, upset with herself.

Castle proceeded without further discussion.

"You're ice cold, how about a hot bath? Interested in bubbles?" His attempt at humor was met with a raised eyebrow but no other expression.

"Whatever." _Come on Kate, give the guy a break he's trying to help. _

Before Rick departed, she grabbed his collar and patted his cheek giving him a grateful smile.

Kate set back, tucked her feet under her legs and kept her arms wrapped around her torso. _Why is the simplest task such a monumental undertaking? _

Castle reappeared and offered her a hand, "Your bath is waiting."

As they entered the bathroom, Kate spied the tub and a smile appeared. Not only were there bubbles in the tub, but candles were lit and soft spa music played. Kate removed her clothes and slowly lowered herself into the tub. Castle stood by and was smart enough not to insist, instead waiting to see if she asked for assistance. Kate hurt all over, but was determined to do this without assistance. As she settled down into the warmth, a small sigh escaped. She was acting like a brat. _Come on, Kate._

She opened her eyes, and he was still standing there, ensuring she was OK. She raised her right arm out of the water, curled her forefinger in his direction beckoning to him to come closer. He knelt by the edge of the tub and leaned towards her. Kate leant into him, gave him her biggest smile, and said, "Give me a kiss, writer boy."

Castle wasted no time and gladly obeyed her request. Her open lips invited his tongue in and they enjoyed a gentle yet passionate kiss. As their mouths separated, Rick rubbed his nose to hers, "Better?"

"Oh, yes, I've been such a bitch about this. You have been so patient and understanding, putting up with my mood swings. I can never repay you, but I do have promise for you, are you ready?"

"Of course", he answered, grinning from ear to ear.

"You are stuck with me, I will never, ever run and hide. If I ever give the slightest indication, you have permission to smack me." The smile on her mouth matched the gleam in her eyes.

Tears glistened in Rick's eyes as his heart exploded with his love for this woman.

"I will hold you to that, and you know I have a wonderful memory."

_**Well, yet another chapter in our couples lives, hope you enjoy, there is more to come. Love reviews and opinions XXOO, Melody**_


	13. Chapter 13

_**Our story continues, while our couple grows close, they have several obstacles to overcome and deal with. Enjoy their progress, please let me know what you think.**_

_**As always, with the encouragement and input from my amazing friends-Bree, Marjo, and Stella-this story would not be possible. XXOO**_

Rick kept track of the time, not wanting to rush Kate, but also wanting to make sure all was well. He quietly slid into the bathroom, just in time to see her struggling to exit the tub. Everything was so slippery, and she was having problems getting her feet under her. She let out a combined groan and snort of disgust, followed by several expletives which highlighted her irritation.

"Hey, how you doing?" Castle inquired, not wanting to make a big deal of her problems.

"Trying to get out of here before I turn into a prune." Kate stated, trying to sound nonchalant, but in obvious need of assistance.

"Here let me help." He said as he moved closer.

She gladly took his hand and with him using his other hand to lift her, she was upright.

"Thanks", she smiled up at him.

Castle stood still while she used him for support and climbed out of the tub. Kate sat on the edge of the tub and reached for a towel.

Castle casually took the towel and began drying her. She thoroughly enjoyed this part of the process, he was so gentle and his touch awakened her senses. She closed her eyes and murmured softly, "I'll give you twenty minutes to stop." Her comments brought a smile of delight to Rick's mouth.

"There, I think you're all dry, though I _could_ continue," he suggested, giving her his most seductive glance.

"Hold that thought." She responded, rubbing his jaw

Once she had slipped into her yoga attire and an oversized t-shirt, Rick started to depart.

"Rick can you help me braid my hair, I can't quite get it done."

"Why yes I can, I am an expert, after years of practice with a certain redhead." He grinned and began brushing her hair. and had her hair neatly braided to the side with minimal effort. Kate looked in the mirror, "Nice job, you are a man of many talents. Is there anything you can't do?" she teased her lover.

"Only time will tell, I'm sure we'll find something."

They made their way to the kitchen, arms wrapped around each other's waists. The bath had warmed Kate up, but resulted in zapping her of any residual strength. She still had a slight shiver and ached everywhere. _What's that all about?_

Castle suspected she would be tired, so he'd planned a low key dinner, followed by a quiet evening. He had everything ready on the table, including wine.

"Looks good, Rick." Reaching for the wine, she raised her glass. "Salute, love"

Rick followed suit. Dinner was subdued, with Kate determined to keep the conversation flowing even though her mind was numb and her head began to pound. Castle sensed she would refuse pain medication so was generous in her wine pour. As they finished, Kate was the first to rise, knowing if she was going to help clean up, she'd better keep moving. He scrutinized her movements and decided to keep quiet. Deciding to let her do what she could, no reason to make her feel worse. She was busy clearing the table and set the dishes in the sink while Rick put them in the dishwasher. The entire time, Kate's face was set in a scowl and not a word was uttered.

Kate looked around, and realized their task was finished. Rick was trying to be so nice and her mood was sour. _Snap out of it, Kate_. Admit that you're tired and you don't feel right.

"Hum," she started slowly, "I'm really tired, no let me re-phrase, I'm dead tired. But, I don't want to go to bed." She hesitated, "and I'm being a brat I admit it, satisfied?"

"Extremely, but you don't have to prove how tough you are, remember I've seen vintage Beckett, scary..." He shuddered and swept Kate into his arms, "Consider me your chariot, where do you want to be delivered?"

Kate was so tired she couldn't decide and fell into his shoulder.

"Let me help, suns already down, so roof is out. How about the nest?" Castle figured this would be her choice. Kate merely nodded and soon was deposited in her spot.

Rick picked up his computer, returned to his area and as he sat down noted Kate was already asleep.

He worked on his outline. Kate's illness had given him several ideas for future story development, however he would check with Kate first before adding any of his ideas to the plot.

Castle reflected on the day's activities. He was very satisfied with how open he had been with Kate about his previous relationships and marriages. She had been incredibly supportive, asking just the right questions.

As he watched her sleep, he was relieved that she had started admitting how she felt. This was a huge step for someone like Kate who was proud and stubborn. He focused on her face, noticing that tonight she was particularly pale. Up until tonight, he thought her face had looked less gaunt and strained. He couldn't put his finger on it, but something was amiss tonight.

As he watched her, one of her feet appeared out of the covers. He had always been impressed with her legs, they were long and willowy and with her boots they went on forever. Her foot was strong, the arch high, and in high heels the curve drove him to distraction. The mere thought of this caused him to lean over and lightly kiss the inside of her arch. She stirred slightly, but didn't wake. He tried to refocus on his writing, but to no avail. _She was so beautiful!_

Eventually, he gave up and decided it was time for both of them to go to bed. Kate had been sleeping soundly for four hours. He ran his finger down her cheek as he leaned in and kissed her delicately on her mouth. She opened one eye halfway and blinked furiously, but her gaze was glassy and unfocused. She fought to sit up, but fell back to a reclining position. Rick bent down and pulled her into his arms, but couldn't shake the unsettled feeling running through him.

He carefully laid her in bed, undressed her and placed her in her favorite sleep shirt. Rick then joined her and fell asleep.

The sun had long been up when Kate opened her eyes, looking around, Castles side was cool. _How long had she been out?_ Her question was promptly answered as she tried to move. Every part of her was stiff and aching. She felt feverish and a small groan escaped as she set up. Kate sensed his presence, shooting him a sideways glance she said "Morning."

"Thought I better wake you up, but you beat me too it."

"How long did I sleep, feels like a week."

"Almost 12 hours." Castle gazed intently at Kate, something was off.

"Boy was I tired. I'm so stiff." she returned in an attempt to make light of his look.

"Lay down I'll give you a massage." He helped her off with her night shirt and left her to get comfortable while he brought back some lotion.

"Comfy?"

She nodded, any vocalizations lost in the pillow. Rick started on her shoulders ever so softly. When he progressed to her left side, he asked if he could continue, she nodded. As he massaged her left side, Kate moaned.

"Does that hurt?" as he retracted his hands, her side felt warm and swollen. Was it that way yesterday?

"Yeah, but it hurts good."

He continued moving over her entire body, taking particular care with a prolonged firm massage of her feet. When he was finished, Kate expelled one giant moan of satisfaction.

"That was great, you're hired."

"So what's my tip?"

"Don't mess with a cop who carries a gun?"

"Funny, it's time to eat, I'll get things ready."

She got up, dressed and followed him to the kitchen. After breakfast, Kate asked what the agenda today. She hoped for low key as she just couldn't seem to get moving this morning.

"Actually, I have a couple of things in mind. First, stay here I'll be right back."

He brought back a box that looked familiar.

"Don't get mad." He was suddenly very nervous of her reaction. What the hell, she could just yell at him.

"Just show me", she didn't feel well, wasn't interested in playing games and threw him a scowl.

He began to remove items from the box. Kate gasped, these were ink drawings she had done years ago and hadn't touched them since the night her mother died.

"Castle, these are private, you had no right." Her throat tightened, _God, not this._

Alexis and I found these when we packed your things. "Kate you're very talented, why don't ..."

"Stop it, I said these were private."

"Kate, we're together now, I'd like you to tell me about these."

She was furiously looking over the pieces, her hand gently tracing the outlines on the paper as she remembered each piece. She and her mother had spent hours walking about the city, finding interesting spots, people where they would stop and Kate would sketch, while her mother leaned in and offered suggestions. She closed her eyes; she could still smell her mother and the pain of her loss overtook her.

Rick could tell she was reliving her past. He took her hand and kissed her palm. "Kate talk to me, it will be better." None knew her secret, but his eyes were so accepting and loving. She licked her lips, bit her lower lip and told him everything. Strangely, telling Rick made her feel better and with her confession part of her heart opened.

"Kate, when you're ready, draw for me, but only when you're ready, OK?

She nodded, whispering "OK."

The pounding in her head had increased, but she could tell he was dying to share something else with her.

"Bring on the next topic; let's make it a day of surprises. What the hell!"

"First, these are only preliminary. I want you to listen, then you can yell at me."

Kate was intrigued, what was he up to?

He started. This is the current layout of the loft and pointed out the various rooms. "Here is my new idea. The loft next to mine recently came on the market and I bought it. So the idea is to knock down these walls, join the living rooms and add a theater, over here, remove this wall and push the study out giving you a private room and studio. We can put a gym just like we have here. Combine the top floor for mother to have a private apartment and redo the kitchen for her. We can enter either loft from these points. Alexis gets her own apartment and gains privacy, she'll love that. It makes me a little nervous, but she's old enough now. We will enlarge the master closet, and then..."

As he presented each idea, he watched as Kate stood stunned. It washed over her; _he was suggesting they join forces_. Her breath froze before she gasped and shook her head. Looking at him, she licked her lips not sure how to broach this subject.

"Rick...are you...what are..." For a usually articulate person, words evaded her. Her mind was spinning and her head continued to throb. _ What was he saying?_

Kate's face had turned ashen, "Kate, what's wrong? What did I do?"

Again, she couldn't speak. What Castle was proposing was overwhelming, _Proposing_, oh God, her heart stopped.

"Kate you said we would be together so why not make our living arrangements work for everyone."

"But, this means...it means." The words caught in her throat.

"Jeez, Kate, I'm talking rooms. I'm not pushing you to get married. Relax. That's way, way in the future. I'm not ready for another marriage, not yet. Is that better?"

Kate was clutching on to the table, lightheaded and terrified. Castle read all of this in her face.

"Kate, breathe, just take a breath, you're scaring me." He shook her shoulders roughly,

"Ow, that hurt." Kate broke free of his hold and her thoughts focused. She stared at him, still overwhelmed by what he said, but now understood his intent.

"OK, I got it."

This was not a trap or an ultimatum; and she listened as he repeated his plan. She studied the plans carefully. His ideas were brilliant. The finished product would be a wonderful home for everyone. She made some suggestions, moved things around a little, added some items and he liked the changes. He would get this rough draft back to the architect and have it ready for when Martha and Alexis came to visit.

"I didn't mean to imply that this meant we would marry. Of course, someday, who knows, but I don't need that to feel good about us, understand? I've failed twice I'm not anxious to dive back in."

"I've never thought about getting married until right then. I'm sorry I freaked out, it unnerved me. I can't believe you want to commit to something so permanent, the remodel I mean, not marriage, not yet." She reached forward and rubbed the back of her hand over his stubble which brought a warm smile to her face.

"Someday maybe, only time will tell."

Abruptly, Kate was exhausted. The morning's activities robbed her of all her reserves and pain began to creep back into her. She tried to stretch her back which only worsened the discomfort. She had not taken any pain medication for over twenty four hours, and now it was clear she had been cavalier as the pain was increasing rapidly and she felt her temperature rise also. _Damn it!_

Without warning,the pain attacked viciously and she wasn't sure if she was going to faint or throw up. She felt the color drain from her face and turned to seek Rick. He spotted her panicked look.

"God, what happened?" He leapt to catch her as she fell. "Kate" he cried.

Her eyes were glazed, and he wasn't sure if she was conscious. She was blinking wildly and her eyes fluttered as she tried to regain focus. Both of them had been taken by complete surprise at the intensity of this physical assault.

He gathered her up and took her to the couch. Kate continued fighting to remain conscious. Rick's hands ran all over her face. She was burning up, _what went wrong?_

He left her momentarily and grabbed the thermometer. As he returned, she attempted to sit up, but was unsuccessful. Her eyes were still unfocused and her face confused. He jabbed the thermometer in her mouth.

Kate closed her eyes, there was no sense fighting him. When he removed the thermometer, it read 103 degrees Fahrenheit.

Kate reached out for Rick's arm, "what?" she whispered.

"Your temperature is up, how do you feel?"

"My head is pounding, my side hurts and I feel...like hell. Why? Why?"

She put her right arm over her eyes, trying to make the room quit spinning.

"I'm calling Steve."

"I'm... not... going... to..." Exhaustion and nausea overcame her and she couldn't finish her thoughts.

Rick was able to get in touch with Steve immediately. He described what had occurred, how things had been going, their walk, her getting chilled, everything, not sure what would help. Steve asked Rick to examine her side. Rick put down the phone and started to feel her side as Steve had instructed. It was hotter and more swollen then their massage earlier. He relayed this to Steve. Though Steve was disappointed by her condition, he was not surprised. He reminded Castle, he had warned them something similar might occur. He suggested that this may have been exacerbated by the long walk, her getting chilled and not taking adequate pain medicine. Steve told him he would call in some additional pain meds, more antibiotics and medicine to combat nausea. He said to keep her quiet for at least four days, let the antibiotics take hold. He added he was ordering some meds to keep her calm, knowing Kate would not be a very cooperative patient.

"Let me talk to her."

Rick handed Kate the phone and set next to her with her legs on his lap, he rubbed her legs while he listened to their conversation. Steve was doing the majority of the talking, Kate nodded and said ok multiple times, her arm still covering her eyes. When they were obviously finished, Kate handed Rick the phone. She laid there shaking her head, inconsolable, now tears running down her cheeks.

Once Rick was finished with Steve, he hung up.

"Hey, little one, it will be OK. We've had a setback, but we caught it early."

"If I had any energy, I'd scream, I'd cuss, but I'm just too tired. My God, when, when..."

"Look at it this way, now I'm your house slave, at your disposal, many women would pay good money for such a service." He was trying to elicit a smile from Kate, though he couldn't blame her, he was discouraged too. They had been doing so well.

She uncovered her eyes, smiled softly, grabbed his shirt front and pulled him to her. "Hold me", was all she could say. He gathered her to him and held on tight.

"We'll be fine."

After the pharmacy had delivered the medicine, Castle came back with several pills and some Seven Up to wash it down.

Rick knew that she felt horrible, but he was most concerned about her apparent apathy. She projected a sense of defeat as she stared at the ceiling and shook her head in dejection.

"How's the stomach?"

"It's doing flip flops."

"One of the pills is for nausea."

"What about the others?"

"Pain medicine, antibiotics and anxiety."

"God...shit...so I get to be a drooling fool…wonderful! I thought I was so smart avoiding pain medicine, what an idiot!"

After he helped her take the medicine, Kate returned to lying down. Rick couldn't think of anything else to help her so he just stayed close, rubbing her legs.

"Rick, why me? What did..." She was desperate for answers.

They both turned silent, Kate drifting into sleep, and Rick moved her into the nest.

Hours later, Kate stirred, feeling somewhat better, called for him, "Rick?"

He was there and moved within her line of sight. "Hey, love."

"Do I really have to stay in bed for four days, I'll go nuts!"

"The nest will work. Is your stomach ready for food?"

Kate frowned, nothing sounded good.

"I have strawberry ice cream."

She raised an eyebrow in interest. After finishing most of her ice cream, she returned to staring out the window.

"Kate, please tell me what you're thinking?"

"Why would you want to stay with someone who is a walking disaster, one minute I'm OK, the next I'm a wreck, physically as well as emotionally. Jeez, If you were smart, you'd run."

"That's not how it works, there are always bumps in the road." He chuckled as Kate gave him a sideways glance and cocked eyebrow. "So, this is a big bump, it will be better. I'm strapped in the roller coaster next to you, so hang on."

"Seriously?" A wry smile slid on her lips.

Kate began to exit the nest and was stopped by Rick's hand on her shoulder.

"I have to pee." she tried to move

"No", she cried out as he lifted her up.

Back in the nest, her mood was black, it was going to be a long and difficult four days. Fortunately, the pills were working and she was mellowing out. Shutting her eyes, she relaxed and let the pills take her to sleep.

Hours later, she stirred, eyes bleary, she saw Rick typing furiously on his laptop with the edge of his tongue between his teeth. He was lost in thought, but as she crawled to him, he stopped and reached forward and gathered her to his side. Rick kissed her on the top of her head as she melted into him.

"Read to me."

He started reading the outline of Frozen Heat. Kate's eyes were closed and her forehead deeply furrowed as she listened intently. As he finished, he asked.

" What do you think?"

"Hum, delicious", her hand stroked his chest.

"You better?"

"Yeah, guess I'm going to have to be patient, again", she growled.

Rick felt her body relax, she was asleep again. He was determined to make this time easy on her. _Maybe I'll just keep her drugged. C_ertainly it would be easier to deal with a sleepy, cute Beckett as opposed to a fiery, cranky Beckett. _Hmm, tempting_.

It dawned on him, that neither of them had eaten much, so he slid out from her body and went in search of food. He returned with some special leek soup, grilled cheese sandwiches and passion tea. He set them on the coffee table and bent to wake Kate up.

"Hey Beautiful, time to eat."

"Not hungry." she returned.

"Not a request, Detective, it's important."

He helped her sit up and propped her in the corner. He arranged blankets and set the tray on her lap. She glanced at the offering and wrinkled her nose. Rick saw the look and leaned into her face

.

"Either eat or I'll feed you." He smirked, raising his eyebrows.

As she looked into his face, her eyes narrowed.

"Try it!" she met his challenge, glowering at him.

"So we're in agreement, every bit now", handing her the spoon he was ready to push the point if necessary. Fortunately, Kate took the spoon and began to eat.

It was actually very tasty and helped settle her stomach. Rick had already devoured his food and announced he was heading for seconds. Kate was smart enough to understand the relationship of nutrition to healing so she finished her food.

Kate's head was still fuzzy, and she shrugged, realizing these were the cards that they had been dealt, so she needed to make the most of it.

Rick took the tray and ran his hand over her face. Cooler, but still too hot.

"You're dying to drug me, aren't you?" Kate's eyes narrowed.

"You might as well be out of it, a bitchy Beckett is difficult; a mellow Beckett cute, just saying." He shrugged and gave her his most adorable smile.

"Bring it on." Kate's laughter filled the air and warmed his heart.

Castle was moving through his story, but decided, it was time to retire to the bedroom, the feel of Kate's body next to him would refill his soul, he picked her and they went to bed.

Kate woke and turned her head, Rick was sitting in bed next to her.

"You're just getting up?"

"My dear I've been up since 4, you had the late shift.

"Huh?" Slightly confused, Kate peered at the clock 3:30. Good grief.

"Am I hungry? I can't tell."

Rick shook his head and chuckled.

"I've fed you twice. I'm hurt you don't remember my culinary efforts."

Kate even laughed at this. _Wow, those were good drugs_.

"You could have had your way with me." She remarked and observed a smug look on his face.

"What did you do?" She was instantly suspicious.

"You'll find out." He smiled slyly.

"I better not see any photos on the Internet." Her voice warning him and she grasped his shirt.

"Threaten someone else, Detective, you don't scare me." Grinning he leaned in and kissed the back of her neck.

While her latest illness had shaken them, they had moved past their fears. Obviously, they would have to be careful with Kate's health. Even after she recovered, they would have to avoid or at least minimize physical stress in order to maintain her in peak form. During one of her coherent periods, they talked frankly about her progress and contingency plans for possible reoccurrences. It had become apparent that Kate would never completely free from the aftermath of her shooting, nor would Rick or anyone close to her. Kate would need to be open and honest with everyone. No hiding, no lying, no pretending she was fine. Total disclosure.

Rick had gone back to his laptop. Kate turned over and watched him. How could this talented, quirky writer and one hard-nosed homicide detective form such a unlikely alliance? Kate's face softened and a seductive smile slowly emerged.

"Rick, come here." her arms open, he set down his computer and settled down beside her. "I love you more than I ever imagined I could love anyone." she spoke in hushed tones and was soon lulled back into a drug induced sleep.

_**So, what did you think, review are very welcome-our story , this round is coming to completion-but not yet.**_

_**Melody**_


	14. Chapter 14

_**Our love story continues, in this chapter our couple is gaining more confidence with each other, they are honest and open. Such a pleasure. The relationship between our duo and his family is growing stronger. Please enjoy.**_

_**My story always (not a slip) gets better after my three friends get through reviewing it-Bree, Marjo, Stella-you're the best!**_

The next three days were a repeat of the first twenty four hours. Kate's medication meant she slept for long periods of time, while Rick ensured she continued to eat and drink regularly. When she was awake, all she wanted was to lie next to him and have him read what he was working on. Even partially coherent, she was able to add suggestions and critique his work. Castle firmly believed this joint collaboration would be his best novel yet, as their evolving love story permeated his work.

Rick kept in contact with everyone in the city with each of them offering to come and help him care for Kate, which he declined, knowing she would be mortified to have anyone see her so vulnerable. With Rick she relaxed, let the situation flow and the medication keep her comfortable without worrying how she came across. He wanted to both care for her and protect her. When they were on a case, she ran the show and kept him safe. For this, he was in charge and she didn't fight him. He smiled, realising that although she was ill, their bond continued to grow with each passing moment.

Alexis and Martha were distressed about Kate being sick. On the first day, Alexis insisted she speak directly to Kate, fearing her father was not being totally honest with them. During one of Kate's more lucid periods, he called Alexis and Kate spoke with her, explaining everything to Alexis in detail. Her face was fixed in total concentration as she tried to focus while under the drugged haze, and Rick was overwhelmed by her – the time and energy she expended to comfort his daughter. They talked for nearly thirty minutes and as their conversation came to a close, Kate made Alexis promise to come visit them for the coming weekend. Rick noted that Kate was beginning to struggle and came to her rescue. He took the phone from her, spent a couple of minutes talking with his daughter and mother before ending the call. Kate had leaned back against the cushions, her eyes closed and worn out from her talk with Alexis.

"Hey, good job there. Alexis was terrified for you, she's become very attached to you."

"She's gone through enough, and she's her father's daughter, a worrier." Kate opened her eyes, stroked his jaw and smiled weakly.

"I think that's enough exercise for now."

"Probably," she mumbled as and she slid down, sleep reclaiming her.

Mid-morning of day four, Rick stopped writing and looked over at Kate, realising she had opened her eyes and was clearing her head. She crawled over to Rick.

"How's my writer boy doing?"

"Just pounding away. How are you?"

"Currently I am not drooling, so I guess we could consider that progress?" Kate said with a hint of frustration in her voice.

"I called Steve this morning, I told him how you were and gave you a good report. He said to continue until your temperature is normal for 24 hours and then no more sedation, just antibiotics and pain meds. You should be Ok for the weekend."

"Weekend?" She had no idea what he was talking about.

"You invited Alexis and Mother to visit. No memory, huh?" he chuckled.

"Damn you, it's not funny. Anything else, you care to share?" she scowled at her writer.

"Oh so much, Detective. My lips are sealed…Although it would make fascinating reading."

Kate pulled away and began moving back to her spot, in no mood to be teased. Rick halted her movement, turned her over, and kissed her lightly.

"I would never do anything to embarrass you. All of this has been strictly between us, as it should be." His eyes were sincere and she knew he would protect her, so why was she worrying?

"I shouldn't have teased you, I just wanted to make you smile," he assured her.

"Sorry, cranky Beckett seems to be here again," she frowned, "by the way, what _did_ you do to me while I was so out of it?" Kate was fully awake now, and very curious.

"Not much," he shrugged his shoulders.

"_Really_. Why don't I believe you, spill it, now!"

"Hum, I may have taken some photos." he smiled, while trying to look innocent.

"Oh, no you didn't." she sighed. "Show me!"

"Come on, Kate, they're cute."

"I'll be the judge of that. Now, Castle!"

"Okay, Okay, relax." He leaned down and picked up his computer.

"You have them on your computer?" She was now clearly annoyed with him.

"Wait, really, they're just for me, I put them in a secure file."

"Now", her expression was icy.

"Come here," he said softly. She crawled over to him and slid into his side. He opened the file and began showing her the photos. "Look, see how cute you are".

Each one had been taken when she was completely relaxed, most with her smiling and reaching for him or touching his arm with her foot. One had her sitting on the toilet seat with her head on the counter asleep, her eyes partially closed with a drugged induced smile. None were incriminating, but to Kate they would have been embarrassing because they showed her so open and her mind so exposed, which was not a side many people saw of her.

"See Kate you're fantastic and so beautiful, even when you are sick. These are only for me, no one else." She was smiling as she sighed.

"I guess they're okay for private use, but I better never see them anywhere but on your computer, got it." She poked his chest.

He started to say something smart, but decided to leave well enough alone, he didn't want to push her too far.

She decided it was time for her to get up, and as she tried to move off the couch, he calmly said "haven't we had this discussion?" before helping her to the bathroom.

As they returned to the couch, Kate asked "If I behave myself, can you back off on the sedation, please?"

Her eyes were begging him, and he squeezed her shoulder, "OK, we'll try, but Steve said the antibiotics and pain meds continue, deal?"

"Deal." Just the thought of not being so fuzzy, brought a smile to her face.

She dozed intermittently until he brought lunch. As she ate, she decided that life may have thrown her a number of curve balls, but it was time to take back control. Kate sat quietly, looking at the ocean, as she stroked her finger on the couch, her face deep in thought. Rick looked at her, he could tell she was mulling over something important but waited patiently and remained quiet.

Kate started slowly, "my mother's death was a wonderful excuse to hide from life, to shut myself off from the world. I blamed all my problems on that one incident, and it took over my life. I quit doing the things I loved to do, because in doing them I thought of her, and that made me sad. She was such a wonderful woman; bright, loving and gentle. She showed me the beauty of everyday things, and we just loved being together. Once she was gone, I was so bitter and angry. I needed to let that go and remember the joy she brought me. The wonderful things she taught me and the amazing times we spent together. Rick, I want to draw again, not for my mom, but for me and for you. Would you please bring me my sketching supplies? "

Rick was speechless. Even sick, Kate was able to make sense of life and move forward, and he realized this had been a monumental step for her. He drew her into his arms, holding her close with his head in her hair and tears ran down his face.

Kate wrapped her arms around Rick as she continued. "This would never have happened if you weren't here for me. You give me courage and strength, and we will do magical things together, so stop crying, this is good"

Kate wiped the tears from his face and gently kissed each feature of his face.

Once he was composed, Rick left and returned with her art supplies. She gradually pulled out everything and began organizing each item. She needed to decide if there was anything lacking before she could get started. As she chewed her lip, Rick watched her, fascinated.

After a while she looked up. "You're staring."

"Sorry, I just love watching you."

"In my line of work, that's called stalking, it's a felony"

"So arrest me…cuff me,"' he raised an eyebrow in challenge.

"Don't tempt me. But I'll wait until you least expect it, and then this kitten will be cuffed."

"_Don't_ call me kitten." He managed with a straight face, before both of them burst into laughter.

"I need to practice using the dip pens and nibs again, my fingers have lost the feel." She sat, rubbing her fingers before dipping the pen and stroking ink on the fresh paper. Her face was determined as her eyes moved across the page. Rick sat back and picked up his laptop. He tried to write, but was too intent on watching Kate. She was focused, but her face softened as the pen moved, becoming lost in her task as she feverishly worked the ink on the paper. He watched as she continued for nearly an hour, before a long sigh escaped and she set her pen down, holding the paper now filled with ink strokes in front of her. After a couple of minutes, she frowned.

"I'm really rusty, this may take some time."

"Let me see."

"Rick, it's really rough."

He jumped up and moved behind her. She attempted to keep it out of his sight, but he wouldn't let her hide. Looking at her work, he could see it was instantly recognizable as the tree she had shown him in central park.

"Wow, this is good, especially since you've been away from drawing for so long."

"No, see, look at these strokes, they don't flow, they're thick. I need more practice. This is trash." she replied, disgusted.

"No way, this is special, it's meaningful and it's mine."

"Rick, I'll draw something better, just give me some time."

"OK, but right now I have this."

Kate carefully put her tools away. She was overcome with fatigue, but it was good tiredness, she had earned it. Leaning back into the cushions, she closed her eyes.

The afternoon light was waning and the room was dimming. Rick put his computer away, reached over and pulled Kate up into his arms. Without opening her eyes, she snuggled into his arms. He provided her with such strength, warmth and most assuredly _love_.

"How are you feeling?"

"Not bad, mostly tired, the headache is gone for now."

"I have some chicken and dumplings cooking, sound good?"

"Hum, you remembered how much I love that. Just give me a minute, I need some Castle time."

"Your wish is my command."

She dozed for a bit longer, before opening her eyes, "I'm ready for food now."

"I'll be right back."

Rick returned with a full tray. He set her up before returning for his.

"It smells divine." She took her first bite, frowned slightly, then took another and glanced at Rick.

"Whose recipe is this? It's familiar, is...is this from my dad?"

"Very impressive, once a detective always a detective. I called your dad and got some of your favorite recipes."

"Incredible, you are a man full of surprises." a soft smile swept her face.

After dinner, Kate crawled up by Castle, melting into him, her head on his chest. Her scent permeated his senses, and he kissed her head as he continued to breathe her in.

"Want me to read to you?"

"Uh-hum."

He started reading, and she started moving her hand over his chest, drawing circles as he read about Nikki's latest adventures. The movement of her fingers gradually slowed and eventually stopped, Rick gazed down at Kate, her face slack as she had fallen asleep. A slow smile of adoration transformed his face, as he rested his head on hers. Today had been a huge step forward for Kate, she had made the decision to replace the intense sadness of her mother's death and turn her life into an act of hope.

Castle was so inspired he wrote for hours. It was Kate's stirring that broke his concentration, as he looked at the time on his computer before turning it off. He positioned himself so he could lift Kate without waking her. The feel of her warmed his soul and as he climbed in bed with her, he shook with the knowledge that their love was better than he ever imagined it could be.

"Thought you would want to celebrate, it's been over 24 hours without a fever", he handed her a latte with heavy foam, just the way she liked it.

"That is good news", Kate smiled, but as she moved to the headboard, she winced. Before, Rick could mention her grimace, Kate asked for some pain medication, determined not to move backward again.

"How about a shower?" His voice pulled her from her thoughts.

"Turn the water on, I'm on my way."

"Easy, my dear, you're wings have been clipped so take it slow, there's no rush." He helped support her to the waiting shower.

Kate was tiring of the platonic showers and not sure how much longer she could resist the physical yearnings, so was relieved when the shower ended.

After breakfast, Kate settled down on the couch with her drawing supplies in hand.

"Rick, do you think Alexis would run by the art store and get me some supplies?"

"Of course, just make a list."

Later that afternoon, they had retired to the bedroom, both intent on reading and maybe a nap. Kate was having problems concentrating on reading, she glanced in Castle's direction and became lost in remembering how much pleasure they had experienced making love. She couldn't take any more, so she slid next to him, closed his computer and pulled her to him. As he looked into her eyes, the desire that filled them took his breath.

"Kate, kissing, rem..." her mouth engulfed his, silencing him.

"I'm done kissing, make love to me now."

"But..." His words stopped as Kate reached into his boxers. "Kate, watch out those are attached."

"Not for long, if you don't do as I ask." As she looked into his eyes, she saw his frown and look of concern.

"Rick, I'm OK. Please, I need you."

She pulled him back to her, their lips wild with passion. Their caresses became slow, languishing on each area, as they both realized the end would come quickly, and they fought to make their feelings linger. Her hands grabbed his hips and thighs and she drove her hips to him. The intensity grew finally culminating together, leaving both breathless and Kate faint. God, she had forgotten what a wonderful, caring lover he was. Kate kept her eyes closed, afraid to let him see how exhausted she was. She didn't care, it was worth all of it for them to be lovers again.

"How about a little nap?" he suggested, sensing her fatigue.

"Good idea," she murmured, sinking into a contented sleep.

He was fully awake and wrote while she slept. Even partially sick she was a fantastic lover, and he smiled, thinking of how much more delightful love making would be when she was fully recovered. He leaned over, pulled her to him and kissed her neck. He murmured, "Kate, you want to get up?"

Her eyes opened part way, but try as she might they refused to fully open. It was clear she was not going to wake up, so he turned her on her side and tucked the covers around her.

The morning sun woke her and Kate opened her eyes. _How long had she been asleep?_

She slowly got out of bed, and noticed she was sore, and then as she remembered yesterday's events, a fulfilled smile passed over her lips. It was so worth it, she thought.

Looking around, she wondered _where was he_? She found him on the patio, coffee in hand and a notepad in front of him. Kate shook her head at his compulsive list making. She leaned over his shoulder to look at the list and he covered it as he reached up trapping her jaw.

"You are such a snoop, will you settle for coffee?"

"Absolutely, what time is it?"

"10:30. If you sleep this long after each time we make love, any chance of making love multiple times a day will be impossible."

"Ha ha, very funny, guess you just swept me off my feet. Where's my coffee?"

"Sit down, I'll be right back."

She perused the list while he brought her coffee. Rick handed her the cup and pulled her onto his lap.

"So here's the plan for the weekend. Thought we would do a lobster fest on Saturday. The plans for the remodel will arrive today and I want us to look them over before we show them. Then…"

Kate held up her hand and interrupted his plans. "Hold on big guy, why not just play it by ear, at least a little."

"Really, with _my_ mother?"

"She's great, give her a break."

"Remember the play?"

"And into the woods we go", she laughed.

Kate had missed Martha and Alexis and would be happy to see them. She heard the car and quickly went to greet them while Rick laughed at her childlike, free and open demeanour.

The car had barely stopped when the passenger door flew open and Alexis raced from the vehicle. She reached Kate's side in no time, and threw her arms around the detective squeezing her tight.

"Hey, Alexis, I'm OK, relax." Kate murmured into her ear as Alexis' shoulders shook.

"I was so scared, I can't lose you, I can't..."

Kate pulled away and held Alexis face in her hands, "Look at me. I'm doing better and your dad has taken wonderful care of me." She reached back to bring Rick into their discussion. Alexis hugged her dad, but did not let go of Kate.

Soon, Martha joined the reunion. She kissed Rick on the cheek and turned her attention to Kate, noticing she actually looked healthier than Martha had expected, though her eyes were tired.

"Kate, my dear, looks like you may have finally put on some weight. How are you?"

"I'm... Kate hesitated, bit her lip and proceeded. Honesty, that was her new approach.

"I'm a little tired right now, just been busy getting things ready for you."

The three ladies joined arms and walked towards the door and Martha called behind her. "Richard, unload the car, darling. We brought all sorts of goodies."

Once Rick finished unloading the car, he noticed the three of them were already on the couch, filling each other in on the previous week's activities. They were all laughing as Rick entered the room, and Kate glanced at him and winked. She was relaxed, content, and alternated between holding Alexis' hand and then Martha's. This open show of affection towards his family thrilled him.

Kate pulled her hands through her hair and a slight frown passed over her face. It went unnoticed by the ladies, but it did not pass by Rick. He went up behind Kate, knelt behind her and whispered in her ear. "Nap time and meds."

She sighed, she didn't want to miss anything, but Rick was right.

"Ladies, it's time for me to take some medication and rest. Why not unpack, while I get settled and you three can carry on while I nap."

Martha raised an eyebrow and glanced at Rick, wondering when Kate had become so agreeable to accepting treatment. Noticing the exchange, Kate laughed as she spoke.

"See I can be reasonable, and I'm not going to get knocked down by this again so soon. It's not fair to put you all through that again."

Rick interjected. "Kate has gone nonstop all day, if she rests now, she'll be awake for dinner and you know how much she loves lobster." He reached over and kissed her cheek. As she started to get up, Rick appeared in front of her, meds in hand. After taking the pills, she crawled into the nest, totally aware that she really needed to be careful. Her eyes closed and she fell to sleep.

When she opened her eyes, she wasn't sure how long she had been asleep, but was pleased to find they were sitting on the couch surrounding her, laughing.

"Hey Kate, welcome back. We started the lobster water and everything else is ready. You already had most of it organized."

"Rick, while we're waiting don't you have something to show them?"

"What?" Martha and Alexis were both intrigued.

Kate's face lit up, "You'll see."

Rick smiled at his love, full of promise. They already loved the possibilities of the remodel, and hoped Martha and Alexis would agree. Rick had them all gather around the table and he started laying out the plans. He glanced over at Kate, rolled his eyes in their direction and encouraged Kate to join in. Together they presented the entire plan, and Alexis was ecstatic, as was Martha. Though she was more interested in what this meant for Kate and Rick and never being shy, she spoke up.

"Does this mean there is going to be a wedding?"

"No" was their simultaneous response and then they laughed, "maybe someday, not soon."

After they discussed the plans for the remodel and all were in agreement, Rick picked up the phone and called his architect and builder. He told them to proceed and wanted everything completed by a specific date.

While the meal was in final preparation, Alexis looked at the table Kate had set.

"Wow, the Deruta is being used, I'm impressed." Giving Kate a squeeze, "I think you're responsible for this, huh?"

Kate responded by kissing Alexis' cheek. "Thanks, you have beautiful pieces in the cupboard and they need to be used."

Dinner was superb. The side dishes and salads Kate had made complimented the lobster perfectly, and Rick had selected a beautiful German Riesling which made the lobster taste that much sweeter. Their conversation was easy with plenty of laughter and Martha described how some of her students had murdered the work of Shakespeare. Kate was relaxed as she chuckled at Martha, dropping her head and looked into Rick's eyes. A smug smile appeared on her lips as she ran her toes up his leg. He gave her a slight glare; she knew this drove him crazy. The more uncomfortable he became, the higher her toes moved. He moved his leg, grabbed her hand and under his breath told her to stop it. This playful exchange was not lost on Alexis and Martha; they glanced at each other and grinned.

When it was time for dessert, Kate rose and returned with a homemade grand Marnier cheesecake. As each person tasted the offering, Martha was the first to speak.

"Richard, if you don't marry this divine woman, I want custody."

Rick and Kate both howled with laughter. Kate reached over and took Martha's hand. "If he kicks me out, I'm yours."

"Her culinary skills are a bonus, but not a deal maker. She has other assets which are equally alluring." as he rubbed her chin.

The night finished in the living room. Kate had snuggled into the nest and opened her arms for Alexis to join her. The two had their faces close together, whispering, looking in Rick's direction and smiling.

"Hey, you two are making fun of me aren't you?" Rick said pouting.

"Dad, you're such a baby."

"Yeah Castle, what a whiner." The three women openly laughed which made Castle pout even more.

It was late when they ended the evening. Kate had fallen asleep hours earlier, but she had refused to go to bed, choosing instead to stay in her spot with Alexis by her side.

Alexis stood and leaned over to kiss Kate on the cheek, "Night." she murmured. As she stood back, Kate gripped her hand "Goodnight, Alexis, love you," she muttered, unable to open her eyes.

"Love you too, night Dad."

Once they had left the room, Rick bent over and picked Kate up. "Hey, I can walk."

"I know, but I like carrying you."

"OK," and she nestled into him. "Rick, I love being around your family. I'm so comfortable with them."

"I'm thrilled. You're so good with them. You're better with mother than I am and Alexis adores you." He chuckled as he thought of the three of them together.

After getting ready for bed, Kate turned on her side, Rick came in behind her, wrapping his body around hers.

"Kate, you were so honest with them about being sick, you've come a long way."

"I'm trying, but it's going to take a while. I'm breaking years of bad habits here, you will need to be patient with me."

"Oh, I will. I love you, Katherine Beckett."

"Right back at you, Richard Castle."

_**Would love to hear your comments, hope you enjoy their journey**_

_**Melody**_


	15. Chapter 15

_**Well. our story is coming to an end. This chapter has Kate talking about her past/ Boy, has she come along way. As always enjoy. One more chapter after this one.**_

_**My three friends and confidants-Bree, Marjo, and Stella-thank you-with your help my words make sense. **_

The time with Alexis and Martha passed quickly, too quickly for Kate. They had a wonderful time walking on the beach being careful not to over-extend the walks with periods of rest. Alexis spent time talking to Kate about boys, college decisions, and general girl stuff. These were topics that she could have discussed with her dad, but he would have been nervous, worried and tried to give her solutions. Kate however; understood her viewpoint, was never judgmental and didn't give her advice, just encouraged her to talk. Through their discussions, Alexis found her own answers and Kate marvelled at how grounded she was, much like Kate had been before her mother's death. No wonder Rick wanted to protect his daughter so did she, but she also recognized that Alexis needed to become strong and resilient, something that Kate had lacked at that age.

They spent hours sketching together, with Kate teaching Alexis some of the basic techniques and observing Alexis as she worked to master those skills. She sought Kate's advice on how to improve her technique, much like Kate's mom had done for her. Kate felt more focused, more alive than she had in years, and Alexis was impressed with Kate's work.

"Kate, I know what I want as my graduation gift from you, I want you to do an ink drawing of dad. Other people have drawn him, but you love him so much, I know you'll capture him as he really is to all of us. _Please._"

"I would be honoured", Kate had to look away as tears welled in her eyes. No one had ever made such a touching request of her, it was one she would never forget.

"Kate, you okay?"

"Yes, you're just quite a young woman, Alexis."

Kate's time with Martha was equally as pleasurable. Martha was a wild and free spirit, the antithesis of Kate yet they had formed a firm friendship. Though Martha made light of their relationship, she appreciated everything Rick did for her. Kate and Martha spent hours walking the beach and talking as Kate was determined to learn more about each of them. Martha was very open filling in much of Rick's childhood. He was charming from an early age, surrounded by her eccentric theatre friends who adored him. He was very astute, always watching people and learning how to read them. He started writing by the age of 8, initially writing a comic book about heroes. Always the hero saving the beautiful damsel in distress. They had struggled in her early career, living simply and austerely in a city known for glamour. He never complained about not having expensive toys or designer clothes. When times were really tough, he would comfort her and tell her, someday I will be rich and I will give you everything you want. His eyes were so genuine she had believed every word. Kate soaked it all in, learning valuable lessons about this wonderful man, each story only making her love him more.

Kate was curious about the various women from his past and eager for Martha to provide her point of view. Martha described Rick as being so childlike with women, like a puppy dog, he would seek praise and affection and in turn would protect them and always remained loyal. Kate could identify completely with this description, one she found endearing. These traits were frequently his undoing; most women taking advantage of his position and his generosity. Martha was particularly unflattering about his former wives. To her, they were the worst of them all. Meredith deserted her family, especially her child for selfish gains. Yes, she agreed, as an actress, one is filled with their own sense of worth, but she would never have deserted Richard for anything or anyone. Gina hadn't been much better. She wanted Rick for the prestige, the social climbing and of course the money. Kate sat quietly as Martha spoke and formed her own opinion of both women, which was punctuated with contempt. As Martha finished, she looked into Kate's eyes and softened.

"You, my dear are the polar opposite of any woman he has ever chosen. You make him a better man. Yes, your relationship has been filled with turmoil and pain, but I see the way you are with him and him with you. Never have I seen two people more in love, more deserving of an extraordinary life. I'm just glad I have a ring side seat to watch this play out."

Kate's eyes welled up with tears and she was speechless. Martha had described their relationship beautifully. They stopped walking, Kate turning to draw Martha into a warm embrace, and in hushed tones murmured "Thank you."

Martha stepped away, placed her hands on Kate's face and they touched foreheads, "No, thank you."

Rick approached the two women slowly, not wanting to interrupt their time together, but yearned to be included. "Hey my lovely ladies, I'm hungry." Both women laughed, Kate turned her head away, wanting a moment to savour what Martha had told her, but also to compose herself. As she turned back, Rick noted her face was radiant.

"Of course, you are, it's been three whole hours since you stuffed yourself on pancakes and bacon." She poked him in the stomach and put her arm through his. "Let's feed the savage beast, right Martha?"

"Lead on, Darling."

When the day of departure arrived none were ready for this special time to end. Kate was especially quiet and Rick was afraid that their visit had been too much for her.

"Kate you feeling OK? You seem tired, distant."

"Actually, I feel better than I have for a long time. Their visit was good for me, got me away from dwelling on myself and my problems. I just don't want them to go.

"They'll be back, and besides this time is to get you healthy and strong again. We'll have lots of time together in the remodelled Castle dome, remember?"

"Where are they going to stay while the loft is being remodelled?"

"Never worry, Mother has already secured a penthouse on Park Avenue, they won't suffer." He ended, smirking and shaking his head. Kate chuckled, confident that the two would want for nothing.

As the car exited the driveway, Rick and Kate watched them go. He sighed and suggested to Kate.

"How about a nap?" he leered.

"I'm not sleepy, uh wait ... Last one to the bedroom gets her way." She knew she couldn't beat him yet so purposefully turned the tables in her comments.

"Nice trick, Beckett, _her way_, very transparent." He grabbed her hand, kissed it tenderly and retreated into the house.

They enjoyed a long and pleasurable afternoon in bed. Much of their time was spent, caressing each other and talking. Rick was going to let Kate set the pace, not wanting to cause too much stress for her. Kate had had enough of this quiet time and climbed on top of Rick. She ran her tongue over his neck, nipping at his ear knowing this would get his attention. She knew she had achieved her goal when goose bumps appeared on his chest, and she stopped and gave him her most sensual look, saying, "So now do I have your attention?"

"You are such a tease; I'm trying to think about your health."

"So am I, get busy writer boy", she smacked his chest.

The game turned serious and did not end until both were left breathless, exhausted and drenched in sweat.

"My God, girl you are...are...I'm without words, I'm doomed. Now kiss me and make it better." He cocked his eyebrow and grinned from ear to ear.

"You're a goof, one kiss because I'm exhausted."

"Kate, are you really tired? How do you feel?"

"Tired. Like I just had mind blowing, physically draining down and dirty sex."

"Really? Be honest!"

"OK, maybe I overdid it a bit, but it was sooooo worth it." She cooed, rubbing her fingertips over his jaw.

"Are you in pain?"

"Hum, some." She answered, shrugging her shoulders.

"Let me get some meds, then you _will_ take a nap!"

"Castle, all rough and cop like, I love it!" She was giving him her smug, know it all gleam.

"Beckett!"

"Okay, Okay, I'm just messing with you. Yes, pain medicine please and a nap. I'll behave, cross my heart."

"I'll get it for you."

"You staying in here?" she asked, teasingly aware.

"No I thought I would work out on the couch and let you rest."

"No, the nest for me." She attempted to get up, but was very shaky. "Rick, how about giving me a hand?"

"I'll do you one better, come here." Suddenly she was in his arms and they proceeded to the living room. He deposited her in the nest and before he could escape, her lips met his in a warm, soft kiss. He ended their contact with a kiss on her forehead, "Rest."

Kate's eyes were already closed and her mind quickly joined them.

Slowly her eyes reopened and she rubbed them, trying to focus and looking around for Rick. At first glance, she couldn't locate him and a cold feeling rose in her chest, fear overtaking her. _Where was he?_ Her mind was now fully operational and panic hit her. She began to scramble up and called for him in the same tone she'd last used at the end of the bank robbery.

Rick had been in the library retrieving something, when he heard her effort to get up and her voice. He would never forget that tone and he ran down the stairs.

"Hey, love I'm right here. I haven't gone anywhere."

Kate leaned back, her heart pounding and her body shaking from the relief. The thought of him not being around terrified her. She had never needed or wanted anyone as much as she did Castle. It was time to open herself up to Rick, he deserved to know what her skeletons were.

Rick could tell Kate was having one of her internal battles, and waited patiently until she was ready.

He went to her and kissed her hands, "When you're ready, Detective."

She licked her lips, took a deep breath and began.

"My childhood was pretty normal. My mother was the glue for us. She provided both my father and I with unconditional love and support. She taught me that I could do anything I set my mind to. You know how deeply her death affected me. My dad was the completely opposite to her. Though I figured out at an early age my dad would drink when stressed, which happened more and more as I grew up. He and I were never very close. After my mom died, he drank constantly. I was forced to make a decision, either help him try and recover or let him drown." She ran her hand through her hair, a pained expression spread over her face and her eyes grew cold. "It wasn't easy. I had very little respect for dad. I decided to help him, only because my mom would have wanted me too. Period. I've had to have had him admitted for alcohol toxicity and withdrawal several times over the years. I still don't trust him fully."

"Why did you go to his cabin last summer?"

"I didn't have anywhere else to go. I had to run away from you and my feelings for you. I would have gone to the devil himself at that point." She stared into his eyes, trying to convey the pain, fear and anxiety that she experienced.

"My dad was the best he had been for years. He helped me work through the surgical pain, gave me space as I tried to regain my balance, and never judged my motives. We ended up closer than we have ever been, which is a double-edged sword. I'm still a little leery of him based on his history, but I'm willing to give him some latitude, so we'll see."

This had exhausted her, but she needed to finish while she still had her courage.

Royce had been her first serious relationship. Yes, she had gone through many boys, and some men, but no one who could contain her.

"No, Rick you're not getting my number", she added some levity to the discussion.

"I thought I loved Royce, he taught me how to be a cop, how to investigate cases and he was a great lover, though not up to your standards, writer boy. He broke my heart when he went bad. He misused my trust and played me for a fool. Regardless of what he did to me, he did not deserve to be murdered. You know he wrote me a letter about you. Telling me not to waste my life and warning me that I never wanted to say if only, by ignoring my feelings for you." She paused allowing this revelation to sink in.

"Demming and I had a very physical relationship, but you know me. I was distant, I wouldn't let him in and we ended it, no hard feelings, it just finished. Then there was Josh, my rebound. After you left me that summer to go with Gina I was heartbroken. He happened to be around at the right time. The fact that he left often to be a doctor overseas, made it convenient. I really liked him, but he was very jealous of you and our relationship. He believed that I wouldn't commit to him because of you." She shrugged, "Of course he was right, though at that time I denied it." She reached over, lightly touched his arm, and gave him a wink.

"After our fight at my place, I didn't tell him the specifics but he took that opportunity to remind me how wrong you and I were for each other. He really pissed me off, even more than you had. The final straw was after my shooting, I don't remember everything, you filled many of the holes, but he became very possessive and kept people away from seeing me. Lanie told me the fight you two had at the hospital. He and I had words, he blamed you and acted like he alone had saved my life. He tried to bully me when I was at my weakest. I told him to leave and not come back. He didn't think I was serious and patronized me. I lost it and tried to jump out of bed. What a huge mistake. Fortunately Lanie was there and caught me. Right before I passed out, I demanded that he leave and never contact me again. You know what a witch I can be." Kate laughed as she tried to minimize her feelings.

"So, that's about it, true confession is over. See my history with men is not pretty, Dr Burke and I have worked on my being able to talk about this to you, so how'd I do?"

"Amazing, but don't think because you can be cranky and difficult, I'm letting you out of our agreement. Are you trying to get out if it? Remember you told me I could smack you if you tried to run so are you playing that card?"

It took her a moment to understand he was teasing her and when she did she grabbed his ear and pulled him towards her.

"Apples, apples, let me go." He called out, smirking.

She let him go and he gathered her to him. She now was totally worn out. How could being honest and sharing her inner most feelings about men be so taxing? Her recovery had become more than just physical repair. She had to learn to manage her physical limitations and her emotional health. She finally understood what Dr Burke had told her about becoming whole again. She opened her eyes and gazed into Ricks deep blue eyes. He had given her the strength to heal, she calmly smiled at him. After she kissed him, nipped his lip, she whispered, "You have brought me back to life, I'm a better person with you."

"You over estimate my powers, it's us together, my friend, together we are invincible."

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye and rolled her eyes.

"Okay, maybe not invincible, but close."

She lay draped over the couch with her eyes closed.

"Kate, time for bed, I'm pooped."

"Thanks, Rick." She knew he'd said that for her sake.

As they lay in bed, their limbs intertwined, Rick whispered in her ear.

"Beckett, I talked to Steve today, he said, you can start exercising Monday, treadmill or bike only, no weights, no heavy cardio. If you behave."

"I'll be good." she voiced, giddy with excitement.

"Yeah, right, you're not very trustworthy."

"No I will, I promise. God, I love you, Rick."

"I love you, too, Kate." as he buried his head into her shoulder.

_**Well, did you like this? love your comments,**_

_**XXOO, Melody**_


	16. Chapter 16

_**Well, dear friends, our story comes to an end. I do hope you have enjoyed the journey, I have. Thank you so much for your kind thoughts.**_

_**Ladies-Bree, Marjo, and Stella-you're the best, thanks for your input and guidance-love you**_

The rest of the week passed by slowly for Kate. She tried being patient, keeping herself occupied with sketching and feeling much better about her technique. Alexis had replenished her supplies, especially new bamboo nibs and they made the ink flow. Kate discovered that everything she saw made her think about how it would look on paper. She needed to regain her form, having promised Alexis she would capture Rick on paper and needed to be at her best.

She also spent time listening to the next chapters of Nikki Heat. Kate felt she had a lot invested in this, wanting Nikki's character to grow, like she had. Rick was doing a wonderful job expanding Nikki and Rook's love story, in many ways it paralleled their story. He really was a brilliant writer and she had loved his stories since his first Derrick Storm novel. She suddenly frowned, remembering she was not too fond of Sophia's role as his inspiration for Clara. That whole scenario had nearly ended both their lives, shuddering as she remembered how close she had come to drowning, with Rick yet again saving her life and resuscitating her. Kate laughed and shook head, realizing that she was the tough cop, but Castle had saved her life on numerous occasions and he actually held the edge in comparison.

On Monday, she walked to the patio and looked out to sea. Physically she was getting better, the fevers were gone and she didn't need as much pain medicine as before. Emotionally, she was gaining more perspective into herself. Kate had spoken with Dr Burke several times, more for validation than assistance. She felt stronger now than she had been since her mother's murder, and had lost the single-minded drive to solve the murder, it was no longer top priority in her life. Kate turned to catch Rick trying to sneak up on her.

"Nice try big boy, but not very stealth," she poked him in the stomach.

He wrapped his arms around her, "I missed you, needed some Kate magic, you are my inspiration and now I'm stuck. Can you spare me some time to listen?"

"For you, I have all the time in the world", she rose up on her toes and her lips brushed his cheek.

She listened as he laid out his dilemma, told him her thoughts, answered his questions and provided suggestions about the story.

"Ok, enough writing, how about a spin in the gym?"

She jumped up, grabbed his hand and pulled him to the door. "Yeah, let's do it."

They both had a moderate workout, while Rick kept an eye on Kate. He had made her wear a heart rate monitor to ensure she didn't overdo things. Kate was frustrated that she couldn't do more the workout had really felt good, but also realized she needed to progress gradually to avoid another relapse.

They entered the shower, initially to clean up, but it quickly progressed to more.

"Hey, we were just supposed to clean up." Rick smiled as he chastised her.

"Well it's your fault. I love it when you wash my hair." She looked into his eyes, and they were gleaming with pleasure. "But then, that was your plan wasn't it?"

"Oh, you are a good Detective aren't you?"

"Ha, ha. Think you're clever, don't you?"

After changing, Kate was suddenly exhausted. Rick noticed that her hands were shaky, her body not as steady and smiles had been replaced by a pensive expression and pursed lips.

"I'm ready for some food and a nap, how about you?"

"Nice, pick up Castle, yeah I think that might, good idea."

After lunch, she laid down and quickly fell asleep. Rick went into the other room and called Steve, inviting him down over the weekend. He also called the gang from the precinct, deciding it was time for a barbecue.

Each day fell into a comfortable routine. They would work out, then Kate would sit on the patio drawing while Rick wrote. Kate still wanted to return to work, if only to prove she could, but was very content with their routine and how easy life was here. She chuckled, knowing that daily complications would occur, but was feeling more and more comfortable that their relationship could withstand any obstacle.

Rick was watching Kate sleep, a gentle smile on his face. He was so proud of her, she was being smart about listening to her body, and he loved how open she had become. Some of their best times were lying in bed, just talking for hours. He hated the thought of her returning to the precinct, but knew she needed to do that, to prove to herself she was whole. He would help her because he loved her so much, but that didn't mean he wouldn't worry. Kate did nothing half-way, she was always full speed ahead. He was determined to make her as strong as she could be, physically and emotionally before that happened. Once she was strong again, before they left the Hamptons, he needed to confess his secret to her. He prayed that when he told her, she wouldn't react negatively, but knew only time would tell.

He finished calling everyone for the weekend barbecue, with everyone very excited to accept. He went back to where Kate was and while he was deciding if he should wake her, she turned over, opened one eye and beat him to it. "Hey, come here, I need a cuddle"

They spent the next several days getting the house and party plans organized, Kate was very excited to see her friends. She had kept in contact via e-mail, but seeing them in person would be wonderful. She was not particularly thrilled about Steve coming, his presence always filled her with dread, but Rick had insisted.

Thursday morning came and Kate was on the deck drawing when she heard someone approach. Her eyes narrowed and her guard immediately went up.

"It's nice to see you too detective." Steve said, as Kate glared up at him.

"Kate, be nice", Rick chastised her.

"It's tough, every time I see him; I seem to be on the losing end of things." She grumbled as she stared at her hands.

"I think you'll actually come out on top this time." Steve responded.

Now Kate was interested. He had insisted Kate have blood work and a chest X-ray prior to his visit, and sounds like she was going to find out the results.

"So…" She started.

"First I want to see your side, can you stretch out on the couch?"

The three of them went inside. Kate lay down and lifted her shirt, she wasn't wearing a bra so it was easy for Steve to move her left arm above her head. Kate's stomach churned as she remembered being restrained for the procedures. Both men were kneeling and running their hands over her side.

"Humph, why do I feel like a side of beef?" She growled.

Both men ignored her and continued speaking to each other. Castle asked Steve questions and Steve provided answers.

"Hey, guys, still here, what's going on? HEY, remember me?" Kate's level of agitation was increasing.

"Sorry, Rick was just pointing some stuff out and I was telling him what I found."

It's my body, tell me!" her voice rose further.

"It looks much better, most of the swelling is gone, and it's not red, not hot. You've done well." With that he took out his stethoscope and listened to her lungs, "Good, much better, still a slight squeak, but nothing alarming." Rick had his face next to hers as Steve spoke, resting his forehead against her cheek.

"Your blood work is greatly improved, your white count is near normal, so the inflammation is nearly gone, you're not as anaemic and it looks like you've put on some weight, what about ten pounds?"

"Yea, that's about it, though I think she needs more." Rick chimed in.

"Hang on guys, don't get me too fat."

"Kate you're still fifteen pounds lighter than when you were shot."

"I have no intention of getting fat." She glared at both of them.

"You were perfect then," Rick stated simply.

Her eyes narrowed and her eyebrow arched.

"Though you're still pretty perfect to me," Rick said back pedalling quickly.

They helped her back up and put her top on. She cautiously glanced both at Steve than Rick.

"Ok, so now what?"

"Tomorrow let's work out. I'll show you how to progress. You'll continue to wear a heart rate monitor, I want your heart rate no higher than 140 for the first four weeks, I'll show you some additional stretches, you will need massages to help with the muscle soreness and breakdown some of the scar tissue..."

Rick interjected "These hands are ready, send me in coach."

"Will I ever be the same as before the shooting?" Kate's simple question brought the levity back into the situation.

"Truth?" Steve asked honestly.

"Truth!" Kate demanded.

"No, but we can help you be pretty close. You will always have to monitor yourself, you'll be more susceptible to upper respiratory infections, and your energy level may wane a lot faster. All stuff you'll have to watch for. But I think with a few weeks of work, you'll be ready to return to the Precinct."

His words of caution she understood, both Rick and she nodded to each other in agreement. His final words though, brought her most radiant smile. She grabbed Steve gave him a big kiss and hug, turned and before kissing Rick, her hand on his face, she murmured a thank you, followed by a warm and loving kiss.

"Do I need to leave?" Steve chuckled at the pair.

They parted and laughed, "No, let's celebrate."

Rick had hoped this was would be good news so brought out some Veuve Clicquot and popped the cork. With Champagne glasses filled, Rick offered a toast.

"Here's to the incomparable Detective Beckett, welcome back"

Kate's eyes filled with tears, "Here's to my champion, though I certainly didn't make it easy for him."

As the afternoon progressed, the three set on the patio catching up. Kate wanted to start exercising now, but Rick stopped her, telling her it was time to relax now and she was starting to get suspicious. _Why is he being so secretive and looking at his watch._

Soon the doorbell rang, and Rick jumped up, shouting "I got it", as he ran from the room. Kate just shrugged and kept asking Steve about her work-out details.

Rick came back in the room, "Look who I found at the door."

Kate looked up, then yelled and ran to their guest's side. It was Deb, Nick's widow, home from Italy. The two became entangled in a hug, Kate's head on Deb's shoulder as the sobs started.

"Whoa," Deb said, tears in her eyes. "Kate it's OK, I'm okay. Calm down."

Kate's sobs receded and she was content to hang on to her friend. They finally broke the hold and walked to the couch. She wanted to hear about Deb's trip and Deb wanted to see how her friend was doing. Rick had kept Deb informed about Kate's illness and the various setbacks, but most importantly Rick had kept Deb abreast of the couple's progress.

As they set down, Deb ran her hand over Kate's face. "You're still too thin, but your face looks better, healthier and more relaxed than it's been in years. Rick, you've done a great job with our girl."

"Yes, he's a great nursemaid and so cute." Kate smirked.

They both laughed. Rick pouted slightly, "Are you making fun of me?"

"No", Kate got up and went to kiss him on the top of his head, as Steve introduced himself to Deb.

Kate blushed, embarrassed that she had forgotten him.

"I think it's time to show our guests to their rooms' then time to eat cause..."

"I know, I know, you're hungry."

As the two were each settling into their rooms, Kate and Rick were in the kitchen, preparing dinner.

"Thank you for a great day. First Steve with good news, then Deb visiting."

Rick had his famous cat that ate the canary grin covering his face. Kate stepped back and peered at him. _Something was up._

Castle, I know you're up to something. Spill."

"Well, Deb's a widow, Steve's wife died two years ago, so... I thought we could see what happened."

"God, Rick you're such a romantic", as she slapped his chest, "I love it." She smiled up at him.

Dinner consisted of pasta, salad and more wine. By the end of the evening after trading stories back and forth, everyone had mellowed out. Rick noted that Kate had paled slightly, maybe too much, so announced to everyone, "I'm tired, let's go to bed."

At first Kate started to protest, but seeing the look in his eye knew she needed to acquiesce.

"Ok, see you in the am", she gave them each a hug, grabbed Rick's hand and retired to the bedroom.

As she slid into sleep, she murmured to him, "I love you everyday, a little more."

After breakfast, Steve suggested they go to the gym, so they all changed and met there ready to work out. Deb joined them saying she needed to lose some of Italy that had followed her home, patting her butt.

"Looks pretty good from here," Steve commented, while Rick and Kate both glanced at each other and winked.

Steve spent time with Rick and Kate demonstrating specific machines, along with weights to use. He fitted her with the heart rate monitor, and Kate was irritated, but Steve explained it was not a punishment but a safety valve, necessary for her to monitor her rate and progress. They all spent two hours working out and ended with each exhausted, both Steve and Rick carefully watched Kate, getting a couple of _stop it_ stares from her which they both ignored.

After they cleaned up, they re-joined on the patio for snacks. Kate asked when the rest of the guests would be arriving and was told around 6 pm.

"In that case, I think I'll go read for a while." She rose and excused herself.

Once she was out of ear range, Castle informed their friends that this was Kate's way of announcing she needed a nap.

Kate re-joined them around 5:45 to await the arrival of their friends, who arrived right on schedule. Amid lots of kisses and hugs, Kate showed them around their rooms then told them to join everyone on the patio. As they adjourned upstairs to the sunset deck, Rick had drinks and snacks awaiting them.

He watched in pride as Kate helped each one get comfortable, she was the perfect hostess and totally at home with these people. Lanie had taken her downstairs to get the latest health report, both came back laughing, as Jenny and Ryan curled up on one of the couches. Espo continued to leer at Lanie, while Deb and Steve were deep in conversation about Italy. So the weekend began.

It was two days filled with great meals and drinks, walks on the beach, numerous groups of conversations and Sunday was taken up with a spirited poker game. After many hours, the final two at the table were the host and hostess, both intent on beating the other. There were several side bets as to who would end up with the biggest pot, and this went on for several hands when Castle thought he had detected a chink in Kate's bluffing strategy and saw his opportunity to take her down. He went all in on a hand he thought could not be beaten, and as he threw his hand in, he reached for the pot, when,

"Not so fast hot shot, I believe I have the winning hand", Kate threw her cards down, and indeed she had won.

"But, you... You..."

"Tricked you, didn't I? You lose Castle, take it like a man."

"Really", he challenged her.

"Yeah, really." Kate replied with a grin from ear to ear.

He came around the table picked her up, tossed her over his shoulder before she could react and began running to the water.

Kate screaming, "Put me down, I'll kill you if you throw me in the water."

"I'm not afraid of you."

As he headed to the beach their friends followed taking sides, yelling encouragement to both of them. As they reached the water, Castle slid her down into his arms and stared into her eyes.

"Beg me not to throw you in."

"Never!" She squirmed to escape.

And with that Espo and Ryan pushed them both in, the melee began as everyone ended in the water and laughter filled the air. Kate grabbed Rick and whispered in his ear, "Best medicine ever."

Sunday evening, all the guests had finally left and they lay on the couch totally satisfied with the outcome of the weekend.

The next several weeks were full, they both worked out, with the workouts increasing in intensity. Each workout was followed by long massages and time together. Kate's drawings were coming to completion. Her drawing of Rick for Alexis was nearly perfect; she was pleased and knew Alexis would love it. Ricks work on Frozen Heat was also moving along well.

One afternoon, after a full day, Rick looked at Kate and decided today was the day he needed to confess his secret to Kate. She was reading in her favorite place, he approached her and murmured, "Time to come with me."

Initially Kate hesitated, she was enjoying her book, but the look on his face was serious, and she knew something was up.

"OK", taking his hand as he led her into the office.

"Kate, I love you more than anything, you know that right?"

"Yes Rick, I know that. What's wrong?" The pit of her stomach was flipping, she was terrified.

"After you were shot and I was forced to leave you…"

"Rick, I apologized for that, I was stupid...I..."

"Kate, it's my story, let me get this out." He ran his hands through his hair, looked into her face and continued.

"After you returned and we were together on the swing. I knew I would do anything to help you break down those walls inside you. I wanted to be with you no matter what. Several days after that, I got a phone call from a man named Mr Smith. He was a friend of Captain Montgomery and the captain had sent him a complete file on your mother's murder. He told me everything he had, but most importantly he said if you continued to look into her murder, you would be killed, and I believed him. He told me that unless I kept you from investigating, he couldn't protect you. I was horrified; I didn't know what to do. I knew I couldn't risk losing you again. I spent three months away from you, and it was the most painful time of my life. But at least I knew you were alive."

"Rick, I'm sorry..." Tears fell down Kate's face as she relived that horrible time. She had longed for him every minute of every day, but was too stubborn and afraid of the possibilities to let him in.

Rick reached over placed his fingers on her lips, "Shhh, let me finish. So, that first time back in the precinct, I knew I had to keep you from investigating so I convinced you we would find the murderers together just not right away. Now this is the hard part. While I kept you away, I continued digging into the murder and your shooting. I wanted to give you closure, but Mr Smith contacted me again and warned me to stop, or my family and I would also be killed so I've closed the file, _for now_. It's not worth the risk for any of us. So you see I had a secret too, and now you know it, please don't hate me, I can't live without you, I can't lose you." Tears poured down his face, as it twisted in agony and he stared into her eyes dreading her response.

Kate took a deep breath, bent her head down and ran her fingers through her hair. _Oh my God_, she thought. He had risked everything for her. She needed a moment to gather her thoughts. She took another deep breath, raised her head and stared into his eyes.

"Rick, I should be furious with you, I could kill you; not because you lied, but because of the danger you placed everyone in. I'm a cop I know and accept the danger, but not you, or Martha or certainly Alexis. That's not right. God, what were you thinking?"

"I've told Mother and Alexis everything and they asked me to continue."

She gasped, this was even worse. They knew and had encouraged him, never had anyone done anything so brave or noble for her.

"They want you to be free as much as I do. You deserve to be happy, without the burden of your mother's murder or your shooting. You've suffered more than anyone should in a lifetime."

"Rick, give me a minute." She got up and starting pacing in the room. She was having difficulty coming to grips with his confession. The idea of Martha, Alexis and Rick placing themselves in jeopardy for her, engulfed her and she couldn't breathe. She staggered against the table and latched on, trying to gain stability. Her eyes closed and at that moment all thoughts of chasing her mother's murderer or revenging her shooting left her. Those items were now irrelevant. The most important issue right now was Rick and his family. They loved her and in return she adored them. They were her family now, they mattered and she needed, no she wanted to place them first.

"Rick, as of right now the case is closed. I care too much for you, your family and our life together to risk it. My mother would not want me to lose you all. I am committed to you, now and forever, no turning back, no regrets."

As she finished she went to him, stood him before her, and opened her lips and heart as she melted into him.

He picked her up and carried her to bed. There they spent the rest of the afternoon in mindless and physically exhausting sex. In the end they lay totally drained, wildly happy and content in the knowledge that together they could do anything. The circle was complete. The following day they would leave for New York for the next chapter in their love story, it was exhilarating to both of them.

Kate leaned over, nipped Castle's ear and whispered, "By the way, I'm driving the Ferrari tomorrow, get ready for the ride of your life, are you up for it?"

"Always."

_**Well, this part of Kate and Rick's story is finished-you'll see them again in a sequel-I hope**_

_**So looking forward to tonights finale-Always**_

_**Comment are appreciated, **_

_**Love, Melody**_


End file.
